blacknerd Posted April 6, 2012 Share Posted April 6, 2012 Hey all, so it’s my first time on here and I need some serious help and advice. So I have just caught my girlfriend of 5 years cheating on me, our relationship has been rocky for the past few months and we’ve been arguing a lot lately. On Saturday she told me that she was going to her friend’s house for the night and I got one of my friends to follow her and she got followed to a hotel, she spent the night there with the guy while I was looking after my daughter at home, when she got home I confronted her and she still lied to my face that she was at her friend’s house I then showed her the pictures that my friend took of them together and she confessed! She said that they met at the gym and they have been seeing each other since February, shes been talking to him while iv been at work etc We have a 2 year old together and im so down and upset because I love her so much but at the same time I hate her! My question is how can I maintain NC because I don’t want to speak to her I just want to pick up my daughter etc Link to post Share on other sites
JoeyArnold Posted April 6, 2012 Share Posted April 6, 2012 I just want to pick up my daughter. Can you keep the relationship professional as oppose to emotional? Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 First off, hang on to those photos. Lawyer up and get full custody. Kick her out of your life forever. This Woman is pathetic and you can do better. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 First off, hang on to those photos. Lawyer up and get full custody. Sorry, that's terrible advice. There's nowhere in the 50 United States where you can deprive an otherwise fit parent of shared custody, just because she spent the night at a hotel with another man against the wishes or without the knowledge of her (now former) boyfriend. It is NOT in the interest of the daughter to be deprived of her mother just because the father is p***ed off. Think about the child, why don't you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 Sorry, that's terrible advice. There's nowhere in the 50 United States where you can deprive an otherwise fit parent of shared custody, just because she spent the night at a hotel with another man against the wishes or without the knowledge of her (now former) boyfriend. It is NOT in the interest of the daughter to be deprived of her mother just because the father is p***ed off. Think about the child, why don't you? The interest of the children come first and foremost. You already know what happened; get rid of the damned pictures; you know what happened; it's out there. You still love her, but you need NC to get your head straight. You have a lot to think about. Is there a way to salvage this thing? If not, be amicable as you can for the sake of the child; kids sense and feel bitterness and tension and it's unhealthy for them. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 First off, hang on to those photos. Lawyer up and get full custody. Kick her out of your life forever. This Woman is pathetic and you can do better. Just because she's a terrible girlfriend does not mean she is a terrible mother. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 Can you keep the relationship professional as oppose to emotional? Something that might make this concept a little easier is to put it in different terms. Keep the relationship as parents cool and calm for the sake of your child, but don't deal with her as girlfriend for now. For the sake of your child, always try to keep these roles separate. When you are dealing with issues around your child, deal as a parent, think of her as a parent, and only deal with those issues. Don't let the romantic partner issues spill over into the parental interactions. This kind of "role playing" helped me to separate my feelings about my spouse from my interactions with her as a parent when we were splitting up. Helped keep me sane, and helped keep us working together OK as parents for the sake of our kids... Link to post Share on other sites
Author blacknerd Posted April 9, 2012 Author Share Posted April 9, 2012 Thanks for all your replies. yes i still love her in in an ideal world i would love to get back with her but i just couldn't trust her. the thought of her with someone else makes me sick and also the other guy new she had a BF and sometimes when i called they would be together probably laughing at me. ill try and make our contact strictly professional but for about a month I'm going to make no contact to clear my head Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 She probably figured you didn't want to marry her; you were together all that time and have a child. Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 Sorry, that's terrible advice. There's nowhere in the 50 United States where you can deprive an otherwise fit parent of shared custody, just because she spent the night at a hotel with another man against the wishes or without the knowledge of her (now former) boyfriend. It is NOT in the interest of the daughter to be deprived of her mother just because the father is p***ed off. Think about the child, why don't you? If she wanted other dick she "should" have broken up first. I highly doubt she is a great parent. I think it is hypocritical for you to say her now former BF as if her action was a perfectly okay way to end it. I am thinking about the child. Thinking that it'd be better off without a role model like that. Ironic how in a reversed situation I've seen the Women preach the same thing only in a much more harsh way. OP: Keep the pictures for court. Get custody and get her out of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
robkris8079 Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 if they are not married I'm highly doubting he will get any kind of custody as opposed to a mother. Cheating does not make an unfit mother. I went through this before actually. I was married and was told by the lawyers to not even bother bringing it up as it would look as if it was my motive for custody was just to get back at my exwife. Which is not a good thing when your suppose to be looking out for the best interest of your child. My advice is this, start a new life, deal with the mother only when talking about the child. Go on like her affair didn't matter at all to you. Be the best dad you can be. Focus on your kid and yourself only. Improve your lives in anyway you can. This will do several things. It will make your relationship with your child greater, it will make you a better person, it will totally show your cheating ex gf that she made the biggest mistake of her life. Even though that should be lower on your list of reasons. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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