Venting - Thorn In My Side

[Almond_Joy]

OK.

 

An ex broke up with me nearly a year ago now. The way in which he broke up with me still bothers me, to this day. I don't want to see him again, I don't want to be with him romantically ever again.

 

What's bothering me is the way I was dismissed and ignored when he broke up with me. He gave me a half-truth and said he needed to get himself together - he was really building a relationship wiht another woman. Once that relationship was secure he just stopped all communication with me. It was so disrespectful. I've never had anyone else in my life treat me so disrespectfully. I don't know why it's still bothering me if I want nothing to do with this guy. I feel like that was his way of saying I'm not worth his time.

 

I must want something from him - an acknowledgement that he was wrong to ignore me as a means of breaking up? I'm never gonna get that, and I just want it to stop bothering me. Whenever something reminds me of him I instantly feel this resentment, and I want to shun him as he did me. I shouldn't care anymore! He's not in my life, I don't want him in my life, but I hate walking around knowing that someone thinks less of me as a person.

 

Anyone else dealing with/dealt with something similar? It just really digs at me that someone I cared about and respected would no longer respect me, and not have the decency to tell me. I don't get that.....

[Almond_Joy]

NVm....All I had to do was read through a couple of threads. Leave it to LoveShack to give some perspective lol.

[Kamille]

Still! I wanted to challenge the idea that there is someone out there who thinks less of you.

 

First, he may not think less of you. What he did was crummy and disrespectful. I don't know him and I think poorly of him, as do you, I hope. But even if we think he lacks basic decency, it doesn't actually mean he thinks less of you. He might think you two weren't compatible, but that doesn't automatically translate into thinking less of you. (In fact, in my experience, the guys I dated who struggled to feel it for me still hold me in good esteem. As do I of the guys I dated but could not muster up feelings for).

 

I'm glad you're feeling better.

[CopingGal]

OK.

 

An ex broke up with me nearly a year ago now. The way in which he broke up with me still bothers me, to this day. I don't want to see him again, I don't want to be with him romantically ever again.

 

What's bothering me is the way I was dismissed and ignored when he broke up with me. He gave me a half-truth and said he needed to get himself together - he was really building a relationship wiht another woman. Once that relationship was secure he just stopped all communication with me. It was so disrespectful. I've never had anyone else in my life treat me so disrespectfully. I don't know why it's still bothering me if I want nothing to do with this guy. I feel like that was his way of saying I'm not worth his time.

 

I must want something from him - an acknowledgement that he was wrong to ignore me as a means of breaking up? I'm never gonna get that, and I just want it to stop bothering me. Whenever something reminds me of him I instantly feel this resentment, and I want to shun him as he did me. I shouldn't care anymore! He's not in my life, I don't want him in my life, but I hate walking around knowing that someone thinks less of me as a person.

 

Anyone else dealing with/dealt with something similar? It just really digs at me that someone I cared about and respected would no longer respect me, and not have the decency to tell me. I don't get that.....

 

Oh my gosh, there are PLENTY of us dealing with stuff like that...me included. Lies, Lies, and more lies, manipulations, half-truths, cheating, insults, and more lies. Yep. My ex did it to me, but I didn't know what was going on because of all the lies.

 

Sept. 2009- he gets on his knees and begs me to come back to him.

 

Early 2010- we start seeing a couple's counselor at the local college.

 

April 2010- sessions break for summer break. He tells me he doesn't not want to go anywhere else and we should try to just going it alone without a therapist.

 

Oct and Nov 2010- he takes me on long distance trips. He informs me he can't marry anyone. He implies he no longer believes in marriage because of what his ex put him through when she was married to him.

 

Dec. 2010- I discover a facebook page that he lied about having. He does not indicate that he has a girlfriend on the facebook page. He has pictures of his son, but none of me. He refuses to put my picture up. He has pictures of the trip we took in October, but none of me. He writes about the trip as if he went alone. His page looks like it belongs to a person who is single.

 

He lies about facebook multiple times and tells me facebook is broken. I leave him. He says he does not know how to indicate on the facebook page that he is in a relationship. I decide if we could go back to counseling and work through trust issues everything might be okay. I take him back.

 

2011- We go to back to counseling. By the time we start going, I'm just so angry and resentful towards him.

 

May 2011- he says his father dies. He won't take me to where he needs to claim his father's body. Says he doesn't want me to meet his relatives because they are rednecked racists. He tells me he took my birthday present back to pay for his trip to where is father's body is.

 

He starts looking on the internet for other women. I don't know this at the time.

 

June 2011- He tells me he lied about why he won't get married. He says he thinks about his first fiance too often. HE says he can't marry anyone. The therapist tries assigning him homework so he can work through his feelings about her. He does not do the homework. The therapist assigns him homework to do after that one. He never does any other homework.

 

He confesses to selling his blood and that the reason why he couldn't see me sometimes is because he couldn't sell his blood. He begins to ignore 85% of my phone calls. He tells me because he's spending time with his mildly autistic son. He starts to return my phone calls 2 days later. He doesn't do his assignments for couple's counselor. I only see him the days we go to therapy. He spends no weekends with me even though he gets weekends off.

 

July 15, 2011 - I leave him. He has one more chance to fix it. I tell him to call me. He calls me while he is driving back from somewhere. He tries to rush the conversation. I yell at him and hang up. It's over for good.

 

July 23, 2011- he tells me he has a new gf. She lives in my town. He met her while he and his son were in the woods within 7 days after I left him.

 

Rest of the summer- he tells me he got closure from his former gf and if I had just been patient with him, he would have let his walls down and would have changed. He tells me that he can give to his new gf in ways he could not give to me because he got closure. He said he got closure around the end of July.

 

Oct 2011 -He tells me he cheated on me in June He tells me he did not meet his gf in the woods in July. He started cheating on me in June with a woman he met on the internet in May. He actually started cheated on me in May with emails with this woman. He told me he could not email me because the person he lived with was always on the computer. Yet, he offered to be this woman's email pal. He tells me he came all the way to my city to see her and then drove back to his city and told me he had no money to come see me. He is not sorry for what he did. He tells me making me physically ill and stomping on my heart was worth it. He said he used spending time with his autistic son as an excuse to cheat on me.

My ex starts unwanted contact with me.

 

Nov. 2011- my ex is still bothing me with contact, even though I keep telling him to leave me alone. My roommate's brother refuses to have our number changed. We are using a phone on my roommate's brother account. We can't completely block my ex's number because it goes straight to voicemail and my ex leaves messages. We can't block his number unless the account holder (my roommate's brother) pays more money per month, so we have to use "call reject," not "call block." "Call block"- the call doesn't go thru. "Call reject"- the call goes straight to voice mail. My roommate and I have to endure unwanted attempts by my ex to contact me. He tells me he is marrying this woman and want to know if I will be in the area in the spring when they get married. He sends texts as if we are friends and he never did anything wrong to me. He wishes me a Happy Thanksgiving. He calls to tell me about his gf. He writes a 15 page letter to me with the first line being about his gf. He leaves voice messages on my phone about her.

 

Dec. 2011- More unwanted contact from him. He sends me a text telling me he hopes all my hopes and dreams come true for the new year. I very seriously, very calmly call him and tell him that he needs to stop and for the last time, I sent him an email threatening to call the police if he does not leave me alone. I have threatened to go to the police before, but I decide that this is his last warning. That is the last time I ever hear from him, thank the Lord.

 

Feb. 2011- my roommate tells me that my ex is single again. I don't call. I don't text him. I do nothing. I continue to live my life.

Edited February 25, 2012 by CopingGal

[pie2]

Ivanka Trump said that great hair is the best revenge.

 

Look forward, and focus on being the best you you can be. I think that's the best way to "shun" your ex, and show him what a mistake he made. And even if he never sees you again, you'll know how foolish he was, and that's all that matters!

[Frank13]

CopingGal, what a story! It must have been nice hearing he was single again only for the fact the woman probably dumped him.

 

So it has only been 2 or 3 months since his last contact. Has he ever gone that long before. Do you think he might try contact again?

[CopingGal]

Feb. 2011- my roommate tells me that my ex is single again. I don't call. I don't text him. I do nothing. I continue to live my life.

 

 

EEK, I meant Feb. 2012, not Feb. 2011!

[CopingGal]

CopingGal, what a story! It must have been nice hearing he was single again only for the fact the woman probably dumped him.

 

So it has only been 2 or 3 months since his last contact. Has he ever gone that long before. Do you think he might try contact again?

 

Hi Frank.

 

Earlier this month when I found out he was single, yes, it made me feel good and I laughed and laughed after everything he put me through. I thought he might contact me on Valentine's Day, but he did not and I was so grateful for that. I think at some point after enough time has gone by, he might try again. Maybe he took me more seriously this time because when I told him to not call before, the contacts I made to him were always mean and insulting. This time, I was very calm and respectful...on the phone and in the email I sent. I briefly listed some of the terrible things he did to me in the email and told him that enough was enough. I told him to leave me and my roommate in peace. I calmly told him that I would call the police...that I did not want to, but I would. I think this time I was finally able to communicate to him, that I would not be calling the police out of anger to pay him back, but because his unwanted contacts were upsetting me and my roommate a lot. I never wanted to call the police out of anger. I wanted to call the police because my ex was harassing me.

 

By the way, the timeline I wrote did not even include everything he did to me. He truly is a sick person. I feel sorry for him. Obviously he feels that he wants me in his life, but for him to think that within a few weeks I would just shrug everything off he did to me and be friends with him is...crazy. Some people can get past that and have a friendship, but it takes a long time to get to that point. He tried to force me to be okay with everything very quickly. For me, even after years pass by, I don't plan on ever being friends with him. He is just too toxic for me.

[lilyblue]

OK.

 

An ex broke up with me nearly a year ago now. The way in which he broke up with me still bothers me, to this day. I don't want to see him again, I don't want to be with him romantically ever again.

 

What's bothering me is the way I was dismissed and ignored when he broke up with me. He gave me a half-truth and said he needed to get himself together - he was really building a relationship wiht another woman. Once that relationship was secure he just stopped all communication with me. It was so disrespectful. I've never had anyone else in my life treat me so disrespectfully. I don't know why it's still bothering me if I want nothing to do with this guy. I feel like that was his way of saying I'm not worth his time.

 

I must want something from him - an acknowledgement that he was wrong to ignore me as a means of breaking up? I'm never gonna get that, and I just want it to stop bothering me. Whenever something reminds me of him I instantly feel this resentment, and I want to shun him as he did me. I shouldn't care anymore! He's not in my life, I don't want him in my life, but I hate walking around knowing that someone thinks less of me as a person.

 

Anyone else dealing with/dealt with something similar? It just really digs at me that someone I cared about and respected would no longer respect me, and not have the decency to tell me. I don't get that.....

 

 

I am going through exactly the same thing. The disrespect and dismissal kills me. My ex was my friend for 3 years, pursued me heavily, we started dating and he told me all the time how happy I made him, etc, then out of the blue vanished. Like - ignored. Ignored every attempt at contact I made. No response ever from him. He had gotten back together with his ex-wife. It's been 5 months and I still play with the idea of contacting him to remind him what an a** he was.

[sweetheart5381]

OK.

 

An ex broke up with me nearly a year ago now. The way in which he broke up with me still bothers me, to this day. I don't want to see him again, I don't want to be with him romantically ever again.

 

What's bothering me is the way I was dismissed and ignored when he broke up with me. He gave me a half-truth and said he needed to get himself together - he was really building a relationship wiht another woman. Once that relationship was secure he just stopped all communication with me. It was so disrespectful. I've never had anyone else in my life treat me so disrespectfully. I don't know why it's still bothering me if I want nothing to do with this guy. I feel like that was his way of saying I'm not worth his time.

 

I must want something from him - an acknowledgement that he was wrong to ignore me as a means of breaking up? I'm never gonna get that, and I just want it to stop bothering me. Whenever something reminds me of him I instantly feel this resentment, and I want to shun him as he did me. I shouldn't care anymore! He's not in my life, I don't want him in my life, but I hate walking around knowing that someone thinks less of me as a person.

 

Anyone else dealing with/dealt with something similar? It just really digs at me that someone I cared about and respected would no longer respect me, and not have the decency to tell me. I don't get that.....

 

Ya, I can identify with that. He and I work together, were a well-known couple in the engineering dept. We have the same circle of friends, etc. He decides one night out of the blue on a Thursday night that he wants to break up (although he begged me to spend the entire weekend prior together). Through the BU conversation he changes his mind and wants "space"... ya the insidous word that means the slow, painful dump. The next day at work, he completely ignores me... so insulting. He went from a great friend to a cold and cruel stranger in 24 hrs.

 

This has gone on for the last 3-4 weeks now, being ignored, he literally turned his back on me in every way. Even friends at work said to me, "WTF, you arent even speaking??!" I can't even answer that with anything other than, " No, I guess not." In my last text to him he told he wanted to be friends and then he was mean and cruel - he became a stranger that seems to hate me... very aggravating when I didnt deserve this treatment at all. I ended that conversation with "F**k you, no friendship, you lost that too".

 

I chalk it up to "To each their own" and I am not one of their kind. Be happy that you are not one of them too and you know how wrong it is to disrespect in such a way.

[BewitchedandBothered]

Ya, I can identify with that. He and I work together, were a well-known couple in the engineering dept. We have the same circle of friends, etc. He decides one night out of the blue on a Thursday night that he wants to break up (although he begged me to spend the entire weekend prior together). Through the BU conversation he changes his mind and wants "space"... ya the insidous word that means the slow, painful dump. The next day at work, he completely ignores me... so insulting. He went from a great friend to a cold and cruel stranger in 24 hrs.

 

This has gone on for the last 3-4 weeks now, being ignored, he literally turned his back on me in every way. Even friends at work said to me, "WTF, you arent even speaking??!" I can't even answer that with anything other than, " No, I guess not." In my last text to him he told he wanted to be friends and then he was mean and cruel - he became a stranger that seems to hate me... very aggravating when I didnt deserve this treatment at all. I ended that conversation with "F**k you, no friendship, you lost that too".

 

I chalk it up to "To each their own" and I am not one of their kind. Be happy that you are not one of them too and you know how wrong it is to disrespect in such a way.

 

Sweetheart, went through this, except we didn't work together. A year and half later, still hurting; it wasn't too bad until today I saw a pic of him and his new g/f. The wound ripped open. I became insignificant (he was a verbal and mental abuser), then that was that. Now he has someone new. I just can't wrap my head around it.

[BewitchedandBothered]

OK.

 

An ex broke up with me nearly a year ago now. The way in which he broke up with me still bothers me, to this day. I don't want to see him again, I don't want to be with him romantically ever again.

 

What's bothering me is the way I was dismissed and ignored when he broke up with me. He gave me a half-truth and said he needed to get himself together - he was really building a relationship wiht another woman. Once that relationship was secure he just stopped all communication with me. It was so disrespectful. I've never had anyone else in my life treat me so disrespectfully. I don't know why it's still bothering me if I want nothing to do with this guy. I feel like that was his way of saying I'm not worth his time.

 

I must want something from him - an acknowledgement that he was wrong to ignore me as a means of breaking up? I'm never gonna get that, and I just want it to stop bothering me. Whenever something reminds me of him I instantly feel this resentment, and I want to shun him as he did me. I shouldn't care anymore! He's not in my life, I don't want him in my life, but I hate walking around knowing that someone thinks less of me as a person.

 

Anyone else dealing with/dealt with something similar? It just really digs at me that someone I cared about and respected would no longer respect me, and not have the decency to tell me. I don't get that.....

 

Almond Joy; yes, went through it and still healing from it. He didn't break up with me--he was being sneaky and was verbally abusing me when I found out he was on a bunch of dating sites while professing his love for me, saying I was his soulmate.

 

He also begged me to spend a weekend with him--that weekend he was standoffish, not romantic and rolled over and went to sleep as I lay in sexy lingerie feeling like a fool, all rejected.

 

When I got home, he didn't text like he used to; he was on Facebook telling other women how beautiful they were in their pictures. I was an after thought. He preferred chatting with me online than talking on the phone.

 

When I confronted him about the dating sites, he became furious and said "well, I am lonely and want to date. You can't give me the time and I need someone in my life"--then proceeded to escalate the argument and call me a bunch of awful names. He later found out I went to his ex wife to see if maybe he's bipolar and not taking meds. She said she felt he was bipolar, but not diagnosed.

 

He loathed me after that; said I had no business going to his wife--she was his ex and he still called her his wife. It was a nightmare and i felt so small and insignificant, so disrespected. Still wondering what i did to deserve months of abuse.

 

He texted me months after the breakup, not to ask how I was, he was simply feeling me out to wonder why 2 people blocked him from Facebook. Now he has someone new and looks happy and it pisses me off.

 

Why don't these jerks ever get their karma, but we are the ones left hurting? The way things ended was awful and it should not have happened that way.

 

And yes, knowing he things these awful things about me is upsetting, just like you, I was never told, and he treated me like I am beneath him. Told people what a psycho I am, liar, gave him drama, etc. when in fact he was all of those things.

Edited February 27, 2012 by BewitchedandBothered

[Almond_Joy]

But even if we think he lacks basic decency, it doesn't actually mean he thinks less of you. He might think you two weren't compatible, but that doesn't automatically translate into thinking less of you. (In fact, in my experience, the guys I dated who struggled to feel it for me still hold me in good esteem. As do I of the guys I dated but could not muster up feelings for).

 

Thank you. I would like to believe that. In most cases, I would believe the person still respects me. I respect all of my exes as people even though things didn't work out.

 

But the utter disdain I saw this particular ex display towards people he labeled "weak" throughout our relationship leaves no doubt in my mind that he thinks of me as a lesser person.

 

When he stops communicating with someone, it's because he's decided that person is literally, without exception, unable to comprehend what he's saying.

 

 

That's the knowledge that irks me. Not as much as it was a few days ago.....but still lol.

 

 

Thank you for the perspective.

Edited February 27, 2012 by Almond_Joy

[lilyblue]

Thank you. I would like to believe that. In most cases, I would believe the person still respects me. I respect all of my exes as people even though things didn't work out.

 

But the utter disdain I saw this particular ex display towards people he labeled "weak" throughout our relationship leaves no doubt in my mind that he thinks of me as a lesser person.

 

When he stops communicating with someone, it's because he's decided that person is literally, without exception, unable to comprehend what he's saying.

 

 

That's the knowledge that irks me. Not as much as it was a few days ago.....but still lol.

 

 

Thank you for the perspective.

 

What magical thug did you read that helped you so much??

[Almond_Joy]

Almond Joy; yes, went through it and still healing from it. He didn't break up with me--he was being sneaky and was verbally abusing me when I found out he was on a bunch of dating sites while professing his love for me, saying I was his soulmate.

 

He also begged me to spend a weekend with him--that weekend he was standoffish, not romantic and rolled over and went to sleep as I lay in sexy lingerie feeling like a fool, all rejected.

 

When I got home, he didn't text like he used to; he was on Facebook telling other women how beautiful they were in their pictures. I was an after thought. He preferred chatting with me online than talking on the phone.

 

When I confronted him about the dating sites, he became furious and said "well, I am lonely and want to date. You can't give me the time and I need someone in my life"--then proceeded to escalate the argument and call me a bunch of awful names. He later found out I went to his ex wife to see if maybe he's bipolar and not taking meds. She said she felt he was bipolar, but not diagnosed.

 

He loathed me after that; said I had no business going to his wife--she was his ex and he still called her his wife. It was a nightmare and i felt so small and insignificant, so disrespected. Still wondering what i did to deserve months of abuse.

 

He texted me months after the breakup, not to ask how I was, he was simply feeling me out to wonder why 2 people blocked him from Facebook. Now he has someone new and looks happy and it pisses me off.

 

Why don't these jerks ever get their karma, but we are the ones left hurting? The way things ended was awful and it should not have happened that way.

 

And yes, knowing he things these awful things about me is upsetting, just like you, I was never told, and he treated me like I am beneath him. Told people what a psycho I am, liar, gave him drama, etc. when in fact he was all of those things.

 

Wow. Just read this. Pretty much parallels my breakup event for event.

 

We also went on a grand trip that my ex had proposed, and then while we were on the trip he acted like he couldn't stand me.

 

We get back, he has nothing to say to me, but starts flirting with women on Facebook. I confront him about him ignoring me and he basically implies I'm immature and stops talking to me. 2 months later - bam, he's in a new relationship.

 

I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this. You and everyone else that posted on this thread. Still...seeing the similarity in all of these ugly scenarios is very relieving to me, in a way.

 

I thought my ex was one in a million (in a good way). I can see now that I was right in a different way - he's one of a million other people who don't know how to be upfront ad honest in some situations. Also shows me that there are people who can relate to you and people who can't. Just gotta find the ones that can and steer clear of the others .

[Almond_Joy]

What magical thug did you read that helped you so much??

 

 

Thug? Did you mean thing?

 

And I just browsed a couple of threads in this very same forum after I made this post. That's the crazy part - I don't have to dig to find a million other stories of people that got dissed just like me. And knowing that helps me not to feel so bad about it.

Edited February 27, 2012 by Almond_Joy

[ScienceGal]

You don't have to dig deep at all.

 

My ex left me in an email and then ignored me completely. And, told people that I am "crazy" to boot. I can't imagine ever speaking poorly of someone that I once professed to love. But, I don't think he loved me at all. And if he did, his ego won that love battle.

 

I don't believe he will ever say he is sorry or assume any responsibility. He's been with a new woman for about 4 months, and I am not going to lie.. I hope they break up and he gets hurt. He didn't seem to hurt at all when we split, and I still feel that he deserves to hurt. I would find a little peace in that, and I know that's not right, but it's how I feel.

 

I still avoid 99% of social gatherings that I think he might be at. I'd be a wreck if I had to see him, with his new woman. I'd be standing there alone and I'd feel like a failure for having not moved on. I know it's not a race, and I am in no hurry. The situation would just be horrible for me.

 

I don't ever want to see him again. I wish he would move away, far far away.

[BewitchedandBothered]

I tried to mentally wish my ex well, but I feel as you do; that he and this new woman break up--I hear they have been an item since January; he found her off Match.com--he has been on that and many other sites for years and will take any lady off there that talks to him.

 

He was cruel and because I stood up for myself and tried to reach out to others and be heard, I am just a crazy psycho making up stories because I'm lonely and need attention. He also claims I have 5 different Facebook aliases and tried to friend all of his friends in order to spy on him. Amazing. Why do these guys seem to keep on going and leave hurting people in the dust?

[Almond_Joy]

You don't have to dig deep at all.

 

My ex left me in an email and then ignored me completely. And, told people that I am "crazy" to boot. I can't imagine ever speaking poorly of someone that I once professed to love. But, I don't think he loved me at all. And if he did, his ego won that love battle.

 

I don't believe he will ever say he is sorry or assume any responsibility. He's been with a new woman for about 4 months, and I am not going to lie.. I hope they break up and he gets hurt. He didn't seem to hurt at all when we split, and I still feel that he deserves to hurt. I would find a little peace in that, and I know that's not right, but it's how I feel.

 

I still avoid 99% of social gatherings that I think he might be at. I'd be a wreck if I had to see him, with his new woman. I'd be standing there alone and I'd feel like a failure for having not moved on. I know it's not a race, and I am in no hurry. The situation would just be horrible for me.

 

I don't ever want to see him again. I wish he would move away, far far away.

 

 

That part in bold....ah, struck a chord! I know his pride had alot to do with his views on respect, and his esteem of himself. Were it not for that, I'm sure we'd still be on civil speaking terms.

 

I can just imagine the story my ex told his new girlfriend about me when he was "reeling her in" .

 

I think soon after the break up, I'd have felt whatever he said about me was true, and I'd have been ashamed. Honestly, that thought was a huge motivator for me to do what I had been scared to do at that point. It may have been the wrong motivation, but that drive to prove him wrong brought me so far during the roughest part of the break up, and I'm so much stronger with those victories under my belt.

 

I agree that if I ran into my ex and I was single (even after this much time), I'd feel like a failure also. Even if there's no one around that's right for you, and you're not in a rush to be in a relationship....seeing the one who hurt you so badly being vibrant and happy while you're alone just STINGS. I remember reading him raving about his new girlfriend on Facebook while I was single and it tore a new hole in me every time.

 

I'm with someone now and read the same thing a few days ago....and I don't know how to describe what I felt. The only definite sensation I can remember is happiness. I'm always happy to see two people in love, cherishing each other. It's a beautiful thing.

 

I think I also still check his facebook because I'm curious how long this new relationship's going to last. They're going on 9 months now. I'm not wishing it would end.....but I feel like his problems will ruin any relationship he gets into. I guess I'm still checking to prove my hypothesis right lol. I'd feel bad for the woman - I'd assume she'd get similar treatment to what I got if the breakup's his idea. If the break-up's her idea he will be f*****g MISERABLE. He loves hard and is way happier with her than with me. Can't say I'd feel the least bit sorry for him, though.

 

I came to the conclusion a long time ago that it is not my obligation to forgive this man, or wish him anything, if he can't acknowledge that what he did was wrong. Forgiving him for hurting me???? And him being so egocentric that he can't even SEE what's wrong with what he did to me to start with?? Screw that noise lol. I'd feel like a doormat for giving him the same courtesy and respect I'd give anyone else when he's been so disrespectful to me. This is the first issue I've ever had in my life where I feel justified in not forgiving a person. That's just my perspective.

 

I don't wish him ill, and I don't wish him well. I don't wish him anything....I only wish fervently that he never attempts to contact me.

Edited February 28, 2012 by Almond_Joy

[ScienceGal]

Do you feel the same way about your current boyfriend as you did about your ex (the attraction and all the other good things)?

 

I worry that I won't find that kind of love arise out of me again. And it upsets me that I fell so hard for him, since he didn't deserve that level of emotion out of me.

[Almond_Joy]

Do you feel the same way about your current boyfriend as you did about your ex (the attraction and all the other good things)?

 

I worry that I won't find that kind of love arise out of me again. And it upsets me that I fell so hard for him, since he didn't deserve that level of emotion out of me.

 

What I have now feels even better, because I don't have this whirlwind of strong emotions raging all the time. I was glad to be in love before, but it was a very intense love, emotionally charged, and there was no down time. He was either madly in love with me or didn't want to be bothered with me.

 

Now...it's stable, even. The intensity of love is consistent all the time.

 

And I don't know what it is that makes this work, but those that I interact with daily tell me they see the difference in my happiness now and my happiness in that previous relationship. They say I'm happy with my feet on the ground instead of my head in the clouds lol.

 

Don't wanna sound preachy or anything, so sorry if this comes off that way, but I also think some people are only suppossed to be in your life at a certain time, for a certain reason. I was very emotionally guarded and had some serious trust issues when I met my ex. Had he not been as confident and earnest (<---that makes it sound normal, but he was REALLY intense) about loving me as he was, I never would have felt welcome and secure enough to open up. I wouldn't be anywhere near as loving in the relationship I'm in now as I am without that prior experience.

 

I know for me, it wouldn't be healthy or sustainable for me to be with someone that intense again. I needed someone intense for me to open up, definitely, but that's not the kind of person I need for a long-term relationship.

Edited February 28, 2012 by Almond_Joy

[lilyblue]

Thug? Did you mean thing?

 

And I just browsed a couple of threads in this very same forum after I made this post. That's the crazy part - I don't have to dig to find a million other stories of people that got dissed just like me. And knowing that helps me not to feel so bad about it.

 

Ha yeah I did mean thing - autocorrect!

 

Reading here hasn't seemed to help me that much, but glad it helped you. It'd probably also help if I was in another relationship.

[Sugarkane]

Hey your story is similar to mine. This just further concludes my observations that most dumpers don't change or even learn anything. I pity the next person they date. If only they knew what jerks these people really are. If he cheated on you, do you really think he won't do the same thing to her?

[Sugarkane]

My ex is the same because we don't live near each other, I've never seen him since BU. I mean and if they did they would actually have to feel some guilt- god forbid.