I thought I was doing so good..

[jmy33]

So I recieved a text message from my ex saying "hey, how have you been?" The past 3 weeks we had been NC and I actually started to feel a little better about myself and the whole relationship. Well now I feel like im screwed again. She has done this before and we will talk for a little bit and then she will just stop talking to me out of nowhere after she hears everything she wants to know. I haven't responded yet, part of me is telling me not to, but at the same time part of me is telling me just to fall for it all over again. I know it's a trap, but i cant stay away. I miss her too much. I know i shouldnt text her back, but i'm about to break..

[BoredAgain]

You can try getting away from your phone for awhile. Or distract yourself somehow until that urge to contact her fades away.

[Exit]

Well if you truly want to avoid this situation now and in the future, you can block her phone number, but I know how it goes, your logical mind might think that's a good idea, but the parts of us that miss them will stop us from taking such drastic action. You have to be more decisive about what you want to happen. If you absolutely don't want to get dragged down the same path again, and the casual conversations that lead nowhere don't really provide you any enjoyment, then there is really no reason not to block her. If you want to put up with the occasional contact, perhaps out of hope that you wish things would work out some day, then you just kind of have to deal with it.

 

The most pointless thing of all, is to allow the line of communication to remain open, but then to keep testing your willpower by trying not to reply. Get what I mean? If you're not planning to ever reply in order to guard your feelings, then she might as well be blocked, so receiving a random message will be impossible and won't throw you off your path. And if you're going to allow lines of communication to remain open, then you might as well reply. It's like going on a diet but choosing to leave a pizza and chocolate cake on your kitchen counter every day just to torture yourself, until you end up giving in. You might as well eliminate the temptations, unless you decide you're going to eat them. Or being like the type of people who want to quit smoking but keep a pack of cigarettes with them because it comforts them. It's just playing a horrible mind game with yourself. You have to commit to one or the other.

 

In a perfect world, the simplest, most effective thing to do, would be to declare your boundaries to her. Make it clear that you do not want to experience any contact from her unless she is reaching out for the sole purpose of wanting to work things out. Otherwise tell her it's not about having sour feelings or wanting to be bitter, but hearing from her just doesn't do you any good and prevents you from moving on. If she really cares about you, and knows that she has no interest in a relationship with you, then she should be more than willing to leave you alone if that is what would make you feel best. If you draw these boundaries and she still doesn't respect them (ie contacting you but not wanting to get back together) then it's clear she only has her best interests in mind, wanting to have her ego pumped up by still being able to talk to you, regardless of what kind of affect it has on you. But we don't live in a perfect world, and we aren't all emotionally developed people who truly care for the well being of others, so detailing all of this to her might not make a damn bit of difference. But if she's capable of being an adult about it, and if you are secure enough in yourself to express your truest feelings and stick to your boundaries, then really the best thing would just be to lay it all on the line and hopefully put an end to the game playing.

 

Those are your options as I see it. If you don't want to participate anymore, might as well block her to prevent this from happening repeatedly. If you don't want to block her, you might as well respond since she's already in your head. Or option three, give her conditions in which contact is allowed and not allowed, and hope she will respect it.

Edited January 17, 2012 by Exit

[bestrong]

Been there. It's just going to prolong the healing process. Treat it like an addiction, let her know it's not the right time to talk and go on with NC.