So.. I got my wish. My ex emailed me.

[justletgox51]

I used to wish for my ex to contact me in some way for a couple of months after we broke up, and I honestly did not expect this from him. For the past 8 months, me & my ex have stayed quiet, ignored each other at school (we're both in hs & I'm going to be a junior while it's his last year for high school), and basically we both decided to have nc.

 

Anyway, after browsing through my old email account, I spot his message, which was sent on July 26.

 

I thought I was moving on because I'm doing all the right things on how to move on such, meeting new people, focusing more on my families, friends, and studies, working out & doing all the healthy stuff a teenager can do. But the moment I read his email, I bawled my eyes... I'm still in love with him, & frankly I was quite happy that he hasn't talked to me.

 

Any advise is appreciated. Thank you for reading..

Edited August 20, 2011 by justletgox51
privacy

[0hpenelope]

I think you were smart in not responding right away (meaning the moment you saw it) and that you didn't see the message at the time it was sent to you. Hope you're not feeling bad about that.

 

What are your expectations? Do you have any and have you considered that it may be better to not have them if you contact him?

[justletgox51]

I'm thankful that I didn't see the message right away, & listened to my head instead of my heart. You see, the reason why I was browsing my old email account was to check for my old FB account's new password-- I was planning to go on it to check on my ex because he deleted me on my current one. I know.. This is the price I'll have to live.

 

I don't really have expectations except that he chose to contact me at a state where I'm not ready to initiate friendship. We're basically strangers, & frankly I kind of like it. I mean, I still think about him every day and have days where I'm balling my eyes out because of our memories & the relationship.

 

I've been waiting for him to send me this kind of message, which he wrote:"Long time no see and talk, hows everything? sorry i guess this is the only way i can talk to you... cause i cant find anyway to contact you anyways hope you're okay HOPE TO TALK TO YOU SOON :)" However, I feel sorry for myself that I'm getting this.

 

sigh, sorry for the long vent.

[justletgox51]

hi, again. I've tod one of my best friends about this incident and it made me cry even more. He said, this email means that my ex has moved on and ready to become friends, which means he has let go of all the regret, and hurtful things he did to me. In addition, he says I should reply back because now the hurtful incidents my ex and I have been through together will all properly settle down, peacefully.

 

I don't know whether to reply or just simply ignore. I'm afraid if he'll reply, he'll reply with something so simple that I'll read into it more, or never reply. I still have feelings for him, and I'm afraid if we talk again-- he'll start talking about his new crush, etc while I stay back and fake a god damn smile.

 

Someone help?

[Nohbody]

Your best friend is making an assumption, and doesn't know for sure. That being said, if this is upsetting you this much you probably need more time away. It doesn't matter what your ex has or hasn't done, or where they are emotionally - all that matters is how you feel. If you are still upset, don't initiate any contact from here on out, and continue to live your life. My best advice, and only my opinion.

 

Pity he- who gets everything he wants.

[justletgox51]

Wow, thank you Nohbody. Yes you're right, I should think about my own self before I initiate any contact with him. Thank you for the reassurance! I greatly needed it.

[Nohbody]

Take it one day at a time, and you will be fine.

[reimeivn]

yeah your ex possibly fine already but you are not. so who cares right?

[justletgox51]

@Nohbody: Thank you & yes I'll take this one day at a time. I'm just afraid of the last few weeks of summer and going back to school... I'm going to be seeing him, again but hopefully this year is his last year for high school.

 

@Reimeivn: Yup, he mostly likely is! And if I ever do reply, he'll probably compare my life to his, and if I make a mistake and start telling him everything I feel... Oh god. So, yup-- who cares!

[justletgox51]

Guys, I realized I needed to reply to him and I did. I basically answered his vague questions, and explained why I checked his email pretty late. It's okay, I'll be okay. I realized that I'm still young, and have a lot to worry about such as my family, friends and studies. But I know what I don't want is to regret my actions I didn't do in the future.

[light_vader]

But I know what I don't want is to regret my actions I didn't do in the future.

I used to think that way and that's why before I went totally NC with her (been like two months or something I don't remember) I felt this raging urge to share a piece of my mind. And I did, countless times via email and texting.

Now I don't regret it but to be honest, but I'd be better off if I hadn't, because just like

says... "I'm not the answer for the questions that you still have", so its pointless for me to be playing savior with this girl that doesn't deserve even a smile from me.

 

So think it again next time before you answer anything from him.

[justletgox51]

Honestly, I had a small breakdown after sending him a reply.. Sigh. For some reason after I sent it-- I was expecting to feel better but I was wrong. Now please don't say, "I told you not to reply." Kay, I'm stupid and naive and ugh. I basically gave in, and replied thinking I'm going to regret it in the future. However, a few hours later I realize, what if on that day he just emailed me because he was bored? He was probably having a bad day and decided to email me in order to reassure himself that "Oh, this girl is still pining for me. What a loser." Honestly, I feel stupid. :'( I believe, he will never reply again because he just sent me that email in order to reassure his decisions of leaving me. I basically responded with:

 

"Hello, [his name],

 

********* Yeah, it has been a while seen we've seen or talked to each other because well-- it's summer! And I'm doing well-- how about you? I'm sorry for replying fairly late but I've disregarded this email account for a couple of months now (except last night when I had to use this email for MSN, and found your message.) Plus, I just came back from my vacation a couple of weeks ago so... I did not have the time to check. Nevertheless, if you're curious my new email is: [xxxx]

 

I hope you're summer's doing well :)"

 

Now I know what you're going to think, "Wtf is wrong with this child? She should have known better." Sigh.

 

Also, I pondered about it and I think my ex & I can never become friends-- officially because before we dated we weren't really close. After 4 months of getting to know each other, we went straight to dating & so I think it'll be hard to even be friends.

 

LS, what have I done? :'(

[justletgox51]

*I hope your summer's going well.

[Nohbody]

Love makes dogs of us all.

 

 

Brace yourself for the worst. The worst being 'I met someone and we are soooooo in love and I just have to tell you kthnxbye', or no response at all. Really, nothing he says will make you feel any better at this point, so we are officially in damage control mode.

 

This kind of thing happens, you don't need anyone here to be down on you. This will be punishment enough

[justletgox51]

It really does.

 

Sigh, thanks for the heads-up Nohbody..

[sao2]

Sometimes leaving it all out there is better. Even though in the short run you may regret responding, in the long run, as long as you were honest and you were not hurtful, you will feel better about having responded. You will be able to move on knowing you id everything you can.

[light_vader]

Also, I pondered about it and I think my ex & I can never become friends

To be honest I find this to be very subjective, but I see no point personally in becoming friends with someone I loved.

Just like I can't be "friends" with a girl that I like (someone I see myself having a romantic relationship with), because I would be lying to her and myself, and would become one of those guys that I hate, the classic "Oh it's sooo good to be your friend.." but what he really thinks is "Gimme a chance to getcha in the sack and It´ll be touchdown for me baby!!!!" or "Hopefully by faking this friendship with you someday when your breakup with your boyfriend I´ll be able to hit on you without any remorse"... and along those lines.

 

Or maybe it's just me, but friendship and love (as in a couple perspective) are two very different things in my books (not that I can't LOVE a friend, just not THAT way).

[justletgox51]

@sao2: I think you're right. I know for certain that I am going to regret responding to his email for a short awhile because I've been in this situation with him where I kept sending him loads of emails, pleading toget back, etc and all I recieved were hurtful comments such as, to shut up, leave him alone, move on, I loved you-- past tense, etc. Therefore, I believe I'm a bit immune by his words & actions. In addition, after I completely stopped contacting my ex, 7-8 months ago-- I felt that I did all I could to be friendly, to ask for forgiveness, and have the chance to be together again.

 

@light_vader: I can see where you're at because I have a frind who was veryclose friends with her ex-- before they dated, & after a few months of separation, they became friends again. However, she still has hope that one day fate will lead her to him. Nonetheless, I'm not ready to be his friend though, because the moment I read his email-- it made me cry. I just felt like replying because I don't want to regret it in the long run, & hoped that my reply may help me move on forward-- 'cause then I know I did everything I could to keep him in my life & he hasn't done anything about it.