NC broken by me without regret!

[AlanN]

I've posted previously about the breakup of my ex-gf and I but in a nutshell she broke up with me about 7 weeks ago because she thinks she may want a baby in the future and I may not want one and she now wants to get married - something she never thought about before but I have dreamed about with her. I have 2 kids from a previous marriage and she has none. We were together 3 1/2 years before the breakup. We both thought had no other major issues to worry about. We rarely fought and if we did we never stayed mad. In the beginning I was open to the idea of having 1 more child but my feelings changed towards probably not wanting one about 6 months into the relationship. My divorce had begun ( I was separated when we met) and my feelings changed. I told her and she accepted my decision. She has always been unsure if she really wants a baby and was never big on the idea of marriage, well atleast that is what she told me in the beginning, until she turned 36 (I'm 44) a few months ago.

 

I broke NC late last week because I wanted to know if there was any chance of reconciliation. I needed to know for myself so I can either close this chapter or leave it open. I asked her to live with me for atleast 2 seasons to see if we're really compatible and could deal with each other on a daily basis. We saw each other on a regular basis about 2 - 4 times per week but we almost never spent more than a day or 2 together at a time. To me you don't know someone until you live with them. She was totally against the idea, saying she will only live with me if we're married and she doesn't want to waste another 7 months seeing if it will work and then wait another 6 months or more after that for me to decide to marry. I'm not one to move fast when it comes to marraige. She's not the old-fashioned type so I'm not sure where this came from. I thought she'd be open to the idea since I'm changing my ways and compromising. She said we've been together 3 1/2 years, you don't know me yet??? I said I do but not on a "live together" basis and I am not committing to marriage without living with you first. I'm sure she has been getting relationship advice from her sisters and to be honest, they are not the ones who should be giving her relatioship advice, but blood is DEFINETLY thicker than water here!!

 

Altough I am sad to be without her, because I truly believe that we are meant to be together, I have no regrets about breaking NC because her answers sway me now to move forward with my life. I don't know the future with her but I atleast know that I tried to reconcile and meet her part of the way and reach a happy-medium and she didn't want to hear it or compromise. I went from never wanting marriage again (BAD DIVORCE/BREAKUP with my ex-wife) to wanting it with her and have even had a change of heart about a baby, although I don't really think she really wants one but her sisters want her to have one.

 

I believe that there are certain times NC can be broken without casuing anymore damage. We've always maintained respect towards each other so I don't feel I was setback at all. Unfortunately we are battling circumstances where there isn't a wrong answer. It's too bad because we still have so much love for each ither - wellI atleast think that and feel it in my heart...

[ScienceGal]

Great post. I am glad you were able to communicate effectively and it provided answers that are enabling you to move on.

[Yuzuki]

It's good to hear that you've managed to break NC without regret, even if the answers weren't the ones you'd truly wanted to hear. I can see why you did it - I've been considering doing the same thing to have the extra motivation to move forward, but I don't quite dare to risk being rejected all over again.

 

Still, if you can handle it, it probably does make you face the facts and eventually move on a little easier.

[AlanN]

It's good to hear that you've managed to break NC without regret, even if the answers weren't the ones you'd truly wanted to hear. I can see why you did it - I've been considering doing the same thing to have the extra motivation to move forward, but I don't quite dare to risk being rejected all over again.

 

Still, if you can handle it, it probably does make you face the facts and eventually move on a little easier.

 

 

If you've been considering doing what I did I think you should do it if you think you won't be hurt or would really set you back. I'm glad i did and feel a little better.. The breakup between my ex and I was not hostile and wasn't over things that went bad, like she cheated or I did something wrong. Our circumstances are just that - CIRCUMSTANCES! I didn't really worry about being rejected again because I didn't think about it like that. For me I was like: "what's the worst thing that could happen, we're already broken up???" For me I just get some closure, although my heart is aching because I really don't want to be without her.

 

Good Luck and give it a shot if you can handle it... I think you'll feel a little better.

[Yuzuki]

I guess, when I'm honest about it, the "worst thing that can happen" is losing that little bit of hope I still have - which would be a good thing. But I like to think I'd rather slowly lose it through NC (and the fact that he doesn't contact me) than to feel that pain of hearing him say it again.

 

So, yes, in the end you probably made the better choice. But I don't think I'd be able to handle it as well as you did.

[wilsonx]

I have a question for you. Now that you are no longer in a relationship. Are you still open to the idea of having a baby and marriage down the road say if you were to meet someone 6 months from now.

 

This has nothing to do with breaking NC, I want you to honestly think about this for a bit and then answer.

[AlanN]

I have a question for you. Now that you are no longer in a relationship. Are you still open to the idea of having a baby and marriage down the road say if you were to meet someone 6 months from now.

 

This has nothing to do with breaking NC, I want you to honestly think about this for a bit and then answer.

 

 

Wilsonx, A very good question and I did think about this before you even mentioned it. The answer to it is going to be easy for me. Marriage yes. Kids No. I am open to the idea of marriage with the right person, whether it be my ex-gf or someone else. I will not allow myself to get involved with someone who may want kids in the future because each relationship for me is a learning experience.

[AlanN]

I guess, when I'm honest about it, the "worst thing that can happen" is losing that little bit of hope I still have - which would be a good thing. But I like to think I'd rather slowly lose it through NC (and the fact that he doesn't contact me) than to feel that pain of hearing him say it again.

 

So, yes, in the end you probably made the better choice. But I don't think I'd be able to handle it as well as you did.

 

 

Yuzuki, I agree with you and think you're making the right decision. You have to do what works for you so I understand you.

 

I have to be honest with you, I still have hope that we'll be back together one day but I'm sure that will pass too.

 

On another note to my story ---> When I was speaking to my ex the other night she told that she didn't want lose the feeling of "missing me" because she said that we both think alike and wants me to continue missing her too!!! I laughed a little because I wonder what it will be like to just remember her but without all the heart-wrenching pain that I currently encounter...