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How is she so happy to not be with me


JohnEl

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She left me after three years. She is so happy to not be with me. She started dating someone else the same week we broke up. How is this possible? We had so much going for us. Now it's all gone. I wish she would come back. I keep thinking she will come back but I know she won't. She's not with me anymore and she's happy about it. It hurts

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She's not happy, don't let her fool you with her telling you that she is. She hooked up with someone one week after the break up. TOTAL REBOUND RELATIONSHIP. She's using the guy to fill the void that's missing in her life.

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I've thought about it being a rebound. Mutual friends have told me that she really

Is happy with him. She is a super sensitive girl. I did a few things that really upset her but i don't think that they were enough to break up over it. She has this thought that I treated her so bad by not giving her enough attention and she looks at this new guy as someone who will give her that attention. So she's happy to be getting all that from

This new guy and feels like he can give her what she wants more than I could. She loved me so much. I know for a fact she did. But I pushed her away by not being there 24-7. Ive been NC for four days. I keep thinking that she will come back at some point but I know he won't. I feel like I really screwed up. She said she was unhappy for a while but she never told me that. I thought everything wa fine besides a few fights here and there about her feeling unappreciated but she was fine the next day. I never knew she was at her breaking point.

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She isn't happy to be with this person.

 

She's happy to be with someone new and novel and fresh and it's the beginning. Remember how exciting the beginning is? The thing is, it's not going to be this way for very long. Then it will be another relationship, and all the old baggage will appear. And then suddenly she won't be so happy.

 

Or so I keep telling myself :laugh:

 

Burn it out.

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I wonder if/when she will call me. I keep thinking she will come back. My gut tells me that she will but when I think about it, I know she wont. It's hard to imagine life without her. It's sad. I guess I'm in denial that we actually broke up and i have to move on without her. It really makes me sad bc we had so much goin for us. NC for four days. Think she will ever get in touch with me again?

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Another thing too, is if she was saying that she was unhappy for a while, she might have checked out of the relationship months ago. She very well may have started something with this guy a while back, getting the attention from him that you've admitted you didn't provide for her. So, the reason that she may seem like a heartless bitch towards you is because she checked out a long time ago and lost feelings for you. Hard to be upset if you don't care anymore.

 

You have to let her go. Go completely NC with her. If she texts you, ignore it. If she trys you on the phone, let it go to voicemail. If she e-mails you, don't respond. And de-friend her on facebook.

 

You've admitted that you've screwed up from the past, learn from it. Heal from this relationship and apply what you've learned towards your next relationship, you'll be better off for it.

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It sucks bc I know what went wrong with the relationship. Both of us made mistakes but not enough to end it. Things weren't that bad. Now that I know what we both need to do, it could be great but she doesn't want it now. I don't want to be with anyone else. I don't feel like there will be anyone who can be as close to me as she was. We know everything about eachother and it hurts so bad that I can't be with her. I don't know what to do. All I think about is ways to get her back. I feel like her and this new guy are going to last forever and that he stole her from me and I let it happen. I'm

So lonely now. Things are really bad right now and I'm

Beating myself up about it. I can't be without her. I don't know how to forget about her and move on. I can't let go.

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But she has let go. Now, you have to as well. You want her to feel like she made a mistake? That she chose the wrong guy? Well, right now, she doesn't feel that way. So, what do you do? You get revenge!

 

It's not the kind of revenge you might think I'm talking about. The best revenge you can get is to lead a good life. Go to the gym, clean yourself up, buy a new wardrobe, go back to school, further your education and start an awesome carreer with great pay. Then, buy a new car, buy a nice townehouse for yourself! Then, take trips you've always dreamed of going on, then go do it. Nothing is stopping you! Find that motivation and keep it!

 

Now, you'll probably wonder, "well, how is she gonna know about all of these changes in my life?" Believe me, Ex's keep tabs on you (even without your knowledge) to re-enforce their belief that they made the right choice. But, one day, you'll run into one of her girlfriends and she's gonna tell her everything about the encounter. " I just ran into your Ex, and HE LOOKS GOOD! The dude is ripped, and I loved what he was wearing! I asked him if he was tanning, he said he just got back from the Bahama's and were going to meet up for coffee sometime before he had to go and drove off in this NICE little red sportscar." See how that works?

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It's not easy thinking that she's swanned off without a care in the world but all you've got is the facts (she's with someone else) and you're adding things that might not be true to it (like she's having the time of her life!).

 

I bet she's not as happy as you think she is!

 

Go NC/stay NC and let her miss you and wonder why YOU'RE not bothering! Trust me, it works!

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She isn't happy to be with this person.

 

She's happy to be with someone new and novel and fresh and it's the beginning. Remember how exciting the beginning is? The thing is, it's not going to be this way for very long. Then it will be another relationship, and all the old baggage will appear. And then suddenly she won't be so happy.

 

Or so I keep telling myself :laugh:

 

Burn it out.

 

I joined this club too. I just think of it whenever I start feeling down.

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I know what I need to do. It's hard doing it right now. Only day 4 of NC. It's still on my mind 24-7. It still a fresh wound. I still think of all the good times. But for some reason I can't think of the bad times. The times she drove me crazy. The times I didn't want her around. The times she craved so much attention and I needed a little time to myself. She would get mad at me if I didnt respond to a text or call with an hour. She got mad if I went out with just the guys and didn't text her all night long. I feel like she's the only one in the world for me right now. I miss the companionship and i miss having someone being there for me whenever I need her. I'm so alone right now. And it feels like I'll

Never get that back an it hurts to know she's already starting that with someone else.

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There is no possible way that she is truly happy, especially after ending a three year relationship! I'm certain that you are still on her mind, and as the excitement of a new relationship wears off over the next few months (if it even lasts that long) this will increase. Please realize she is rebounding in order to DISTRACT herself from having to deal with whatever emotional baggage she's carrying on her way out the door. Whatever happiness she has is on a very superficial level.

 

The last two years of my marriage was one long process of giving up and checking out (and he was definitely the screw up there). You'd think I could walk away without any regret or thoughts of him, right?...especially since I didn't sever ties completely until I had met someone new and amazing. (well, at least he seemed) But nope. Even in a "better" relationship, the past still weighed heavily on me for a good amount of time.

 

And of course she's going to tell mutual friends that she is super happy with him. She can't exactly say "oh I'm feeling empty/regretful/etc, and I'm using this as a way to cope". First of all, she'd look like a b*tch. Second of all, she'd risk it getting back to you.

 

 

Generally, people do not walk away from relationships completely un-phased.

So take comfort in that, and let her go for your own sanity. What is done is done, and now is the time for you to focus on healing and yourself...and how she lives her life or what she's really feeling are not only a mystery, but no longer matter. Easier said than done, I know. But just remind yourself of this when you find yourself obsessing.

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yeah its fresh. i have been healing for 8 days but kinda knew it was over about a month ago. already been through crying and what not.

 

its hard to remember the bad times because you miss her, your mind is trying to make you feel happy although remembering the good times hurts.

 

i just had a good though and it hurt, makes you feel desperate and out of control. like how she would walk up to me and just hug me and kiss me. i miss that.

 

but yeah my ex never did what you said, craving attention, getting mad if i didnt txt back, or go out with my friends. in fact she encouraged it!

 

she really wasnt serious about the relationship as i was.

 

i was so blinded by being in a re with her that i couldnt see how she didnt care as much as i did. or id have seen signs like what your ex was displaying.

 

 

oh you will get that back. just may take a long time. for me its been 3 years and even after this recent break up i never found it.. i have given up looking for it, since young people these days are mostly not wanting the intense relationships until they want to properly settle down.

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I know what I need to do. It's hard doing it right now. Only day 4 of NC. It's still on my mind 24-7. It still a fresh wound. I still think of all the good times. But for some reason I can't think of the bad times. The times she drove me crazy. The times I didn't want her around. The times she craved so much attention and I needed a little time to myself. She would get mad at me if I didnt respond to a text or call with an hour. She got mad if I went out with just the guys and didn't text her all night long. I feel like she's the only one in the world for me right now. I miss the companionship and i miss having someone being there for me whenever I need her. I'm so alone right now. And it feels like I'll

Never get that back an it hurts to know she's already starting that with someone else.

 

John,

 

You have to stop blaming yourself for this. There is no way you could have made this girl happy unless you were willing to drop everything and give her attention 24 hours a day.

 

You know she was incredibly needy- so needy that taking space for yourself wasn't an option or you risked upsetting her.

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There is no possible way that she is truly happy, especially after ending a three year relationship! I'm certain that you are still on her mind, and as the excitement of a new relationship wears off over the next few months (if it even lasts that long) this will increase. Please realize she is rebounding in order to DISTRACT herself from having to deal with whatever emotional baggage she's carrying on her way out the door. Whatever happiness she has is on a very superficial level.

 

The last two years of my marriage was one long process of giving up and checking out (and he was definitely the screw up there). You'd think I could walk away without any regret or thoughts of him, right?...especially since I didn't sever ties completely until I had met someone new and amazing. (well, at least he seemed) But nope. Even in a "better" relationship, the past still weighed heavily on me for a good amount of time.

 

And of course she's going to tell mutual friends that she is super happy with him. She can't exactly say "oh I'm feeling empty/regretful/etc, and I'm using this as a way to cope". First of all, she'd look like a b*tch. Second of all, she'd risk it getting back to you.

 

 

Generally, people do not walk away from relationships completely un-phased.

So take comfort in that, and let her go for your own sanity. What is done is done, and now is the time for you to focus on healing and yourself...and how she lives her life or what she's really feeling are not only a mystery, but no longer matter. Easier said than done, I know. But just remind yourself of this when you find yourself obsessing.

 

This is so true, very good post. Plus to add to it, you're coming out with nothing but a lot of pain, and you're starting the healing process. So, you're going to be ahead of the game. She never gave herself time to mourn the end of your relationship. ANd if and when this new guy is out of the picture, SHE'S going to be at square one while (hopefully) you've moved on.

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One of our last conversations she said that she is sad. SHe said she doesn't want me to think she's happy, she's just trying to be. She said that this new guy makes her happy and that's all she wants right now. She said she started getting over me a month or two before we broke up so she had a head start on moving on. She told

Me that she still thinks of me but doesn't wanna be with me anymore. She said I hurt her too many times. She said she loved our time together and wanted to get married but things changed and she felt unappreciated. Her feelings for me are gone and it doesnt help that her parents really encouraged her to break up with me She's ready to move on to other things and she's excited about seeing what else is out there.

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I bet she's not as happy as you think she is!

 

Go NC/stay NC and let her miss you and wonder why YOU'RE not bothering! Trust me, it works!

 

Why give the guy false hope? He didn't give her the attention she wanted. They even had fights about it where she told him she didn't feel appreciated. If there is ever a recipe for ending a relationship, having the feeling that the other person isn't giving you attention or doesn't apprecite you is it. The fact is, every other guy out there is going to give her more attention than this guy was, at least at first, so she will be drawn to that. She isn't coming back. There is nothing to come back to.

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Why give the guy false hope? He didn't give her the attention she wanted. They even had fights about it where she told him she didn't feel appreciated. If there is ever a recipe for ending a relationship, having the feeling that the other person isn't giving you attention or doesn't apprecite you is it. The fact is, every other guy out there is going to give her more attention than this guy was, at least at first, so she will be drawn to that. She isn't coming back. There is nothing to come back to.

 

she never made it clear to me that she was at her breaking point. i did a lot for her but it was a big deal when i didnt. i cant forgive myself for not giving her enough attention. i dont know if its because i didnt really love her or if thats just how im built. im beating myself up over it. she does need more attention than most girls. more than any girl ive ever known. it was hard to keep her happy all the time. how do i move on when i feel like its my fault and when i feel like im always going to regret this forever.

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John,

 

You have to stop blaming yourself for this. There is no way you could have made this girl happy unless you were willing to drop everything and give her attention 24 hours a day.

 

You know she was incredibly needy- so needy that taking space for yourself wasn't an option or you risked upsetting her.

 

This is on point

 

John dont feel bad. Its not your job to make someone else feel happy. Even in a relationship. It's their job. People are responsible for their own happiness. People that use relationships and jump ship over and over and over will never be happy in their lives until they one day find themselves and realize that all they need in their life to make them happy is them self.

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This is on point

 

John dont feel bad. Its not your job to make someone else feel happy. Even in a relationship. It's their job. People are responsible for their own happiness. People that use relationships and jump ship over and over and over will never be happy in their lives until they one day find themselves and realize that all they need in their life to make them happy is them self.

 

what if the grass is greener on the other side? what if this guy does give her all the attention she wants and needs? i really think she wants it to work with him. maybe it started out just as someone to not think about me but its turning into her really liking him. from what i hear, he is all about her and does anything and everything for her. i feel like i lost her to him. like he stole her from me or like she replaced me with him. this just sucks. i wish i could have her back. im going to be a mess for a while until she either comes back or i eventually meet someone else. and i dont see either one of those happening, at least for quite a while. she hasnt even tried to contact me since we broke up. i was always the one initiating the contact.

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This is on point

 

John dont feel bad. Its not your job to make someone else feel happy. Even in a relationship. It's their job. People are responsible for their own happiness. People that use relationships and jump ship over and over and over will never be happy in their lives until they one day find themselves and realize that all they need in their life to make them happy is them self.

 

Antinko likes this /thumbsup

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Antinko likes this /thumbsup

 

i didnt do enough for her. i feel really bad bc i didnt show her enough attention. she was warning me but she never made it clear how upset she was. we were long distance for the last 6 months and she broke up with me 2 weeks before she moved home. i knew things were kinda rough but i just figured everything would be fine when she moved back. i didnt think she wouldnt try and wait to see what happens when she moved back. i really wish she would realize what we had and how good it was and not look at all the negative things. but she isnt going to come back and i need to try and move on even though its really hard to think about life without her. i feel like i lost the one person who i can really get close to. ive never had someone like her and am scared ill never find it again either.

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This is on point

 

John dont feel bad. Its not your job to make someone else feel happy. Even in a relationship. It's their job. People are responsible for their own happiness. People that use relationships and jump ship over and over and over will never be happy in their lives until they one day find themselves and realize that all they need in their life to make them happy is them self.

 

Loving wilsonx's advice!

 

It is true. My ex did something similar to your ex, JohnEl. Mine met a girl on vacation and promptly dumped me. I was crushed beyond words. They ended up married and just the past July are getting a divorce. All of this drama has happened in less than TWO years.

 

I realize that I was partly to blame for knowing my ex's pattern of dating and quickly getting into a committed relationship only to dump the girl for the next new and fresh one. I was part of the pattern but hoped I would change him. ALL of us think we can change someone. No one can but the person themselves.

 

Your ex is not "truly" happy bouncing into a relationship before completely finishing another. Her new guy is a palate cleanser of her old, dirty baggage she refuses to unpack.

 

Let her go. Make yourself better so when you meet (and you will) a new girl, you will have healed from the past and ready to start anew.

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Loving wilsonx's advice!

 

It is true. My ex did something similar to your ex, JohnEl. Mine met a girl on vacation and promptly dumped me. I was crushed beyond words. They ended up married and just the past July are getting a divorce. All of this drama has happened in less than TWO years.

 

I realize that I was partly to blame for knowing my ex's pattern of dating and quickly getting into a committed relationship only to dump the girl for the next new and fresh one. I was part of the pattern but hoped I would change him. ALL of us think we can change someone. No one can but the person themselves.

 

Your ex is not "truly" happy bouncing into a relationship before completely finishing another. Her new guy is a palate cleanser of her old, dirty baggage she refuses to unpack.

 

Let her go. Make yourself better so when you meet (and you will) a new girl, you will have healed from the past and ready to start anew.

 

it took so long for me and her to get to where we were. we were so close. knew everything about eachother. ive never had that before her and it feels like ill never have that again, or at least for a long time. i feel like ill compare every girl i ever meet to her. and no one will ever match up and ill feel like im settling for second best.

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I think it is not best for you to think that "she isn't as happy as you might think she is" because that type of thinking will keep you holding on. If she started dating someone else 1 week after the break up, chances are he was waiting in the wings. You need to accept reality in order to go complete NC, heal and move on.

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