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saw ex, now feel I have gone backwards in my recovery.


michelle2003

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I was coming home from a night out. I stood on the pavement to straighten my bag before going inside my house and my ex drove by.

 

I saw him turn to look at me and cooly and slowly turn back to his driving in a very controlled and aloof manner. I had been doing ok since the break up 3 months ago.

 

He broke up with me in a cold way and didn't discuss it with me, just a monologue and no communication. Even though I reached out wanting to talk about it because above all else we were friends, or so I thought. I didn't get the kind of respect and treatment a friend deserves. He just had his say and cut me out completely.

 

After I reached out a few times and got no reply I deleted his number and never contacted him again. It was hard for me to accept and move on because of the way the break up happened. But after 3 months I felt I was doing quite well until I saw him and now I am crying everyday again and am very sad.

 

Am I never going to let go of this sad episode of the past and move on emotionally. As soon as I think I am doing ok I go backwards.

 

It was just a six month relationship. I was happy in it and didn't expect it to end so suddenly or in that way, since my ex seemed so loving, open and rational.

 

How long will it take so it doesn't affect me anymore, even if I see him or his friends? Is there anything I can do to let it go?

 

I don't want him back either, but I do love him and care about him.

 

So my brain understands and wants to move on, has no regerets but my heart hasn't caught up even though on many occasions I think it has. I guess I sometimes wish he was different so it wouldn't have turned out the way it did but my brain knows better.

 

Its like a battle and I want my brain to win. I really really do want to move on and put all this behind me.

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It sounds to me like you are doing ok and the right thing. I know your upset now, but you've been making an effort to move on and get on with your life. The first step was accepting it and cutting him out of your life which you did. He probably sensed this. Maybe that's why he drove past your house. Does he live near you, would he normally have to drive past? I say keep going out and don't talk to him if he calls. See if he leaves a message and what he sounds like, what a few days and then call him back but don't start calling him again or anything. Call some friends, make posts on here, cry and cry get it out of your system but remember what I said... maybe he realized he made a mistake since he knows you don't need him =)

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Well a friend of his lives around here but there are other routes to and from his house, so I guess he didn't really have to drive by my house.

 

I guess he also saw me standing there from a distance and didn't have to really look at me either if he didn't want to.

 

Either way what he does and doesn't do means nothing. Nothing can change because of the way he is and the way he treated me. The mirror of trust is cracked. I can never trust him even though I love him. He is capable of being cold, mean and uncaring towards me and knowing this is the reason I really want to put it all behind me and find someone else someday.

 

What he does or doesn't do is not the problem, its me letting go emotionally. I don't want to be sad anymore, I don't want to cry anymore. I am tired...

 

I'll keep posting and boring my friends ;) Thanx gwennebe

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Michelle2003,

 

Hang in there! I feel your pain. Its not easy for me to let go. Me and my girlfriend broke up after 3 years of being together. She is doing fine with the breakup because she broke up with me. On the other hand, I am dreaming about her, thinking about her 24/7, constantly checking my emails, everytime the phone rings I am picking it up on the first ring, but its never her.

 

One thing I will not do is make contact with her first, no matter how much I want to. I never call her, email her or write her. It almost like living in hell, rehashing the same break-up senario million times in your heart. I rather go through Hitler's concentration camp, then to go through the heart break of losing a love one. Its a death sentence, but only your walking dead!

 

I saw a an old picture of us smiling and hugging by a mistake looking for some paper work. I almost fainted! I wish it was some magic pill to take to lose memory of her! I would take 10 of them!

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Michelle2003,

 

She emails me and call every once in a while to check up on me, I guess. I always keep the converstions short, real short and the emails only to 3-4 words because if I talk more with her all my feelings will just come out! That will be a big mistake!

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I totally agree, it's hard to let go when you were the one dumped. In my relationship I had wanted to end it and should have, Actually I tried and he talked me out of it and then 2 weeks later did the same to me. You can read my post, it's in the breakup section. He was awful to me and it's still hard even though I know we were not meant to be together. I know he's not right for me but the fact of getting dumped. ( I live in a very small town) I think he may be regretting it but I'm not sure yet. I just want him to come crawling back so I can tell him no thanks. They usually do. This will be my first night going out alone since the breakup. I cant wait. I'm better looking than him and have a better personality than him anyway and he knows it.

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gwennebe>> you remind me of myself hahaha. First time I went out with my ex 4 and some years ago, all my friends told me that I was better looking and deserve better than that. But love cannot be explained. Now at the end of 03, she says goodbye in the cruelest rudest most unhuman way. And guess what, I have the same feeling as you and we all know for fact that I m smarter (school and street wise) but what you gonna do?

 

It's good to feel dumped sometimes hahaha, I m not sure. Probably not.

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