Where do I go from here

[wing81]

Its been almost 3 months since my girlfriend of a little over 2 years and I broke up, we have been friends for over 4 years. She called me about a month after she left for a year of travelling and told me that she wasn't sure how things were going and that we should break up. For the past 6 months we spend a lot of time apart due to work and school activities. Phone calls were the only way we could stay connected a lot of time. I'm pretty sure this is was the start of us not being able to communicate and know what each other wanted.

 

The month after the break up we talked on a weekly basis and had some really good coversations like old times. A couple of time we discussed us and both conversations i felt that she was confused and in one case was asking me the same question about why I didn't understand what she had been saying for the past year a couple of times. Over the past month though our phone calls have been about every two weeks and even then they are rather short compared to before.

 

The part that is really confusing me is that I'm not sure where to go from here. Since she told me over the phone I haven't had the chance to ask her all the questions I have, and I'm sure she has just as many. She doesn't seem to want to talk to me at all and she has blocked me on her instant messanger. I just don't understand that because we hadn't talked in a while before she blocked me. She does still return my phone calls as soon as she gets my messages and tries numerous times to get a hold of me.

 

In the beginning I could tell that she still cared for me but lately it seems like she doesn't even think about me at all. I would love to get back together with her and if we could have talked in person during the first month I think we could have. At this point though, I'm not sure if she even considers me a friend. She was my first girlfriend so it has been really hard on me. I just want to talk her in person and get the closure I feel I need and deserve so we can both move on with our lives and friendship.

 

If anyone knows how I can do this without hurting either of us more or can give me some insight on to how she is feeling and why she is acting this way, I have I would really appreciate it. If you need any more information I am more than willing to share. Thanks

[Arabess]

Getting an ex to meet up with you and provide any sort of 'closure' is usually just a pipe dream. Sure, they owe it to you, but it doesn't mean they will provide it. Actually, that's how I got the phrase 'making your own smiles'. I had a friend who wrote a 'closure' letter to an ex....and she came up with that phrase. It always signifies to me.....that sometimes....you have to provide your OWN closure and make your OWN smiles.

 

Try writing a letter which you aren't planning to actually send, put their stuff in a box to hide in your closet, try to quit asking 'why?' in your head all the time.......and walk away on your own two feet.

 

Some people aren't comfortable with 'good bye'.....so, they just leave. You can try contacting her....it's your call. Don't be too disappointed though if she refuses to give you the closure you want.

[trying]

....I went through something similar

She agreed twice to talk...and both times she cancelled out on me.

It has been over six months, and she still cannot handle a face to face conversation!

I don't think I will ever know the truth, or 'why'...and I have learned to let it go.

I think it is awful when they won't even face us.

We are left with all of these unanswered questions and so forth.

I think it is a very cruel goodbye indeed.

[wing81]

It is a horrible way to say goodbye, I just don't understand why people would do it. The wondering and waiting is what is killing me. I just think that if that person really does love and care about you they wouldn't want to put you through that hurt. On the other hand if things really went south during the relationship and they no longer had any feeling for you they would be more than happy to tell you straight up that it is over and they never want to see you again. I almost prefer the never want to talk again situation rather than the one I'm in now.

 

I know I am being naive about the whole situation. I just think that talking and getting all the questions out of the way would make both parties happier and able to move on easier.

 

What goes through people's minds that don't want them to give that final closure to the relationship?

 

I am trying to move on with my life and let things go, its just that everything reminds me of her. I have learned on thing from this whole experience though. I will never break up with someone over the phone or leave them without giving them at least a chance for closure, especially after feeling the way I do now.

[DragonflyX]

Most people, especially women IMHO, avoid any sort of interpersonal conflict like the plague. My ex-wife wanted out of our marriage and I would have never even known why if I hadn't discovered a blog she wrote 7 YEARS after our divorce. This person who I thought was the ONE, didn't even think that I was important enough let in on it. The un-comfortableness of telling me what the problem was outweighed the obligations of her wedding vows to me in her mind. What has happened to people in the last 10 years. Have some freekin courtesy to other people. Treat them as you want to be treated.

 

I am sorry for the pain you are going through. I know how it feels.

 

P.S. I emailed her to tell her that I had read the blog and she basically said "so sorry, hope I didn't hurt you." Oh gee, of course not!

[DragonflyX]

Sorry, that should be - Show some freekin courtesy

[trying]

I would never break up with someone over the phone either (or email).

I think that they are really cowardly for not facing us...it is also very disrespectful.

How people end relationships says a lot about who they are.

If you treated her well (no abuse), then there is no valid reason for not facing you and talking with you about all of this.

I think they are messed up to treat us this way...to leave us hanging.

I know it is really hard to let it all go...but holding on is only hurting you.

Keep reminding yourself that you deserve better.

[trying]

"I know I am being naive about the whole situation. I just think that talking and getting all the questions out of the way would make both parties happier and able to move on easier."

 

I think she has already moved on, and that might be why she won't talk with you.

...or she is so messed up and so callous that she doesn't care about your well-being enough to talk with you.

 

Either way, would you really want this person in your life ever again?

[wing82]

I know I don't deserve this kind of treatment but I understand how she must be feeling. When I was at field camp for a month and a half I felt the same way she does now. New found independence, different outlook on things to do in life, seeing new places and so forth. She has meant so much to me taught me so much. She has said the same about me. I would just hate to feel that I am throwing away the times that we shared together.

[wing81]

It has been two weeks since I have talked to my ex girlfriend. Over this time I have learned a lot about myself and relationship. I know I need to talk about my feelings more and work on my self esteem and confidence. I'm trying to get out more and do things to keep me busy. Looking back out our relationship I can see that both of us weren't as happy as we were in the beginning but I also feel that we could have worked things out if we were able to talk more to each other. I am finally facing the fact that is really over.

 

The only problem I am having now is how she feels about me. I know I would feel much better if I knew that she was thinking about me like I am about her. I just can't help but feel that she never thinks about me, and it makes me feel that our 2 years together meant nothing. I guess this goes along with the self esteem problems I am having. Is there anyway to know that she still thinks about me and cares about me, even if she isnt' in love with me?