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It's only love when it's love in return


NEONINK

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That's a country song. There's lots of them. I've written a few cliches myself on this board over the last 6 months. I've told people just get over it, feel the pain and keep moving on, let go of the bad one's and reach for the good ones. It's easier to say than do. I for one hang on to the pain and a bad relationship rather than release it and accept it for what if is.

 

I've read all the books about codependency, detaching, emotional unavailablity, and so on... But it's easier to read than to let go.

 

I've listened to Tony Robbins on CD about changing your life, but it's easier to hear than to live.

 

I found this forum when I didn't know what to do. I wanted someone to make it all okay. But the only one that can do that is not willing. This forum is wonderful; I hope it gets the financial backing it needs to continue. The volunteers are very giving of their time and emotions and wisdom. But it's still easier to hear, but not accept.

 

I still want the one that doesn't want me. And now there's someone that might give me everything I need and want, but it's really hard to tell my heart... Stop loving the one that doesn't make me happy, the one that doesn't want love or to feel or to be intimate.

 

Can someone tell me why does the heart hold on to bad when there is so much good out there?

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When a door of happiness closes, another one opens. But we keep looking at the closed one till the new one goes. PEOPLE, OPEN YOUR EYES AND LOOK AROUND YOU there are so many beautiful people. Sometimes, when I see some girls around me I wonder why I was with my ex. :)

 

Life is about trial and error not perfection. It;s a journey not a destination. Have fun!!!

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"Life is about trial and error not perfection."

 

I like that. No one person is perfect. Each love is different. I know the open door has so much to offer. The finality of ending a relationship is just gut-wrenching though. I used to think I had attachment problems. Now I think it's detachment that I'm having problems with.

 

I wish love were easier. I wish we had switches we could turn off in our hearts when it became necessary.

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[color=red].............Arabess searches FURIOUSLY for the ON/OFF Switch.............[/color]

 

Wow....wouldn't that make life so much simpler??? As it is though, we are stuck with our heart aches till time makes them a memory. All the songs, words, books, thoughts....in the world won't totally help until you just get to the point where you are ready to move on. Date other people without trying to find "another him" for awhile. Just enjoy the pleasure of being in another man's company. Then one day.....you'll wake up.....and he won't be your first thought in the morning.

 

Hang in there......

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Those are words I don't use a lot.

 

Believe

Believe we deserve to be treated like we treat others. Believe life will get better. Believe I did the best I could.

 

Faith

I think I realized I had lost my faith in God. I must have faith that God knows best and his plan is better than anything I could plan.

 

Focus

Focus on the positive and happy thoughts. Focus on what's right in my life and do not focus on what's wrong.

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I sympathize and am in the same boat as you and many of the other respondents...

Some moments ar better than others, and Thank God for friends that can point out that the relationship WASN'T always cheery and perfect...

The day my girlfriend told me she'd met someone else I had written a letter in anger and spite, pouring all my disgust at the way she'd treated me - I never sent it to her though.

I read it to a female friend the other day and she ORDERED me to read it ten times a day!

A wise woman indeed - It's easier to let go of the real manipulative and selfish person than it was to let go of the idealized perfect woman I'd convinced myself that she was.

So...whenever I feel the pangs of loneliness and pain I pull this letter out and remind myself to take off the rose-colored glasses...

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GREAT IDEA Matt!!

 

I think we are prone to let nostalgic memories distort the reason(s) why the relationship didn't work in the first place. It's good to remind ourselves, as often as it takes, how we felt when the wonderful person we THOUGHT we knew....turned into an A$$!

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I too am trying to remind myself of the bad times, and asking friends to remind me too.

But perhaps it's human nature to remember good things, and these sweet memories are SO painful. Whatever anyone else says or you say to yourself, you can still feel love for the other and it won't go.

 

Maybe tomorrow I'll write another list of the the things that were wrong.

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What you are all saying makes perfect sense to me.

 

Nothing is more destructive to one's heart, than love which is unreciprocated by someone you yearn for.

 

I'm sure there is no simple way to get over that pain.

 

Hopefully, we will all be able to back with nostalgia at these days when the hurt was so real, but so necessary to reach our future pinnacle of contentment.

 

Afterall, it's the heart that loves too much that really feels the pain most acutely.

 

Peace.

 

Curt

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Would anyone be interested in beginning a new thread where we can list all the mean things that our ex's said or did? I know we run the risk of going negative - however, perhaps our shared experiences of unappreciation and neglect might help us to move beyond the present pain...

And if anyone thinks I'm over mine I just did a foolish thing. I typed her name in a Yahoo search (just for the hell of it - yeah, right!) and found the home page of the school where she works. In their newsletter she'd written about thankfulness and appreciation - and it left me wondering what her students' parents would think if they what a hypocrite she really was??! :mad:

Sorry to vent, but if we can't do it here then where??

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Originally posted by NEONINK

"Life is about trial and error not perfection."

 

I like that. No one person is perfect. Each love is different. I know the open door has so much to offer. The finality of ending a relationship is just gut-wrenching though. I used to think I had attachment problems. Now I think it's detachment that I'm having problems with.

 

I wish love were easier. I wish we had switches we could turn off in our hearts when it became necessary.

 

Wouldn't that be nice! So many friends simply say 'just forget about it and move on!' some can - most cannot. I was doing pretty well until she e-mailed me the other day - and yesterday was her birthday (crash and burn..:-().

I wish I could be like the character Data in Star Trek - First Contact. When confronting the Borg, Captain Picard ordered him to turn off his emotion chip. One flick of the head and -viola!- no more fear or pain.

 

But we are feeling and fallable humans, who love too deeply and care too much. We just want to love and accept that one special person, and hopefully receive a little of the same in return. When it happens it's glorious! Apart from this beauty, however, our desert hearts yearn for what once was, and fearfully may never be again...

 

I tell myself that I've been down this road before, and my fears of desolation and loneliness have proven unfounded then; so WHY NOT THIS TIME???

 

The way I see it we have two choices - get busy living or get busy dying. I remember hearing that in a movie somewhere... Do we take our wounded hearts and grow from the angst or do we decide to shut down and never let another soul in? How many of us know of people that never ventured back into the world after a broken heart?

 

The ONLY way we can ensure our hearts will never be broken again is if we never take a chance on love again. To live that way would be to become a member of the walking dead...

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How many of our hearts are remaining in the past because we believed we could fix them? The potential was there for the greatest Love Story ever written, if we could just fix them and make them okay.

 

Loving hearts can cure anything, fix anyone, cure cancer, rebuild a dream, outlast the bad weather. Right? :love:

 

Wrong. :sick:

 

Love is a choice. They could have chosen to love us, but it just wasn't the right time. Or they had a memory of their unrequited love they couldn't shake. Excuse, excuse, excuse... Or maybe I just didn't measure up?

 

I'm so afraid of moving on, what if I do what's been done to me? I hope no one ever, ever, ever only gives 30% or 50% or 80% of their heart. It would be easier if we only give 100% of our heart to the person that gives 100% to us. Maybe that would fix the world.....

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ramble on rose

Hiya,

 

It IS scary to move on, but you do notice the sun still rises and sets, even though it feels like it shouldn't :)

 

As hurt as I was in my breakup...no, let me say DEVASTATED...one thing I do know, is that I always give 100% because I don't like walking away from anything saying I never gave it a shot. Problem is, is that you have to know when you aren't in a good situation and know when to leave. That is very, very hard...but when all is said and done and the smoke has cleared...you give yourself time to heal and know that clarity and faith will open new doors for you.

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ThisGirlNameKD

Why does the heart hold on to bad when there is so much good out there? Because we refuse to accept the fact that we've failed, or that we have been rejected. When we get involved in relationships, we begin to define ourselves based on that relationship. When begin to think that we're attractive, lovable, sexy and all those things just because someone is reciporcating our love. Well, when the love ends, we feel we're no longer attractive, lovable or sexy....we feel like something is wrong with us and that's why we fail. Well, we don't want to fail, so instead of accepting the failure of the relationship, going on with our lives and finding a brand new one, we still go after the one that we failed at to see if we can turn it around and make it a success. If we can do that, then we feel we really must be special. That's why we hold on.

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