My boyfriend is not sure about us and it breaks my heart!

[artsie]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little more than a year now. We met through a friend and were living two hours away from each other. For two months he made a lot of trips to see me and I would go over to his place often and stay with him for days. Eventually I moved to his city to find a job and to live with him. He is american and I am indian studying in america. He knew that if I wasn't able to find a job I would have to move back home for good. But, with God's grace, I was able to find a job and keep it for a year. My parents are very conservative so I told him that I won't be able to tell them about you until later when we both are in a secure place in our relationship. It hurt him, but he understood. The months that we lived together were close to perfect. We loved each other's company and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. He had been the one who had said 'I Love You' first and he had also brought up the topic of marriage. I got along really well with his family and things were going great. Eventually I had to get admission to a master's program so that I could stay in the country longer and move ahead with our relationship. He was very happy that I got admitted. I will be going back to the same university (2 hours away). He has a steady job in his city now and is looking to get a house of his own. I told him that before school started I would be going back to India for 2.5 months to spend some time with my family. It was a hard decision but we knew that I would be coming back eventually. I told him I will come back early and spend a few days with him before I head back to school. We were excited and said that we would travel back and forth through the school year to see each other. Our main concern was me being able to find a job in his city after completing my studies in a year. I told him I will do everything I can to find a job there.

 

We were both devastated when I had to leave a month ago. I told him we would be in touch constantly via email/texts/skype. But within a month of being away from me he has become confused. He has had a long distance relationship before and it didnt work out because they were so far. I told him that I would be just two hours away from him once I started school. During this month he didn't always show his confusion, we were good and happy most of the days. During our first argument we decided to stay with each other for the time being as we were happy with each other. And if things were bothering us we would discuss it and come to a mutual decision. I was doing everything I could to keep him happy. But a few days ago he was at his best friend's wedding and I feel something went wrong there. People asked him where I was, how things were going between us and what our plans were. He told them we were still together (cause apparently he didn't know what else to say), and that he would see after I got back for a little bit because I would be going away for studies and he had work and other commitments and that made things uncertain and hard. This really upset me because i thought we were together. I asked him, and he said "I don't know, are we really together? Maybe I am just being so pessimistic because I am sick and not well". I told him we can talk later but he said he wasn't sure if there was a future. I asked him why is he doubting us after being together for a year? I gave him examples of his friend's and family who had long distance relationships and who eventually got married. He said he wants to not have to worry about me (because it is uncertain if I will find a job there), and that the more he looks out the less he sees a future. I told him I was doing everything possible to try to make a future. And when things were right, I would talk to my parents and convince them about you. Most of the answers he gives are I don't know what to say or do. At one point he said he needs time to think. He knows very well what he means to me, and that I am madly in love with him. I know he loved me immensely while I was there and we were truly content. He knows that I am going back to school only to be with him. For the past two days we have texted each other, but it is very general. I am trying to be calm and friendly towards him but it is hard because I can't deal with him breaking up with me. He seems distant and like a different person through his texts. I don't know what to do as I have truly given my heart to him and really want to spend the rest of my life with him. I am afraid he will leave me. When we were together things were perfect (for both of us, he said it). I never thought we would have this conversation.

 

I would really appreciate some help and advice on this! Thank you