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She dumped me, I am in no contact mode, can't tell if she's hurt or manipulating


usedtobeniceguy

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usedtobeniceguy

Hey folks. I'm 23, she's 24. I'm your typical nice guy We dated for over 6 months, we broke up for the second time recently. After the break up, I asked to meet one more time, after a few days so I could coherently say what I wanted to say. We get together, talk, argue, for about an hour. I had said everything I wanted to, and I was about to say something, realized I shouldn't, then started to leave. She asks "are you sure you won't regret not saying whatever it is you were going to say?" I realized she was manipulating me, and coldly said 'no' and left. Begin no contact mode.

 

She called and texted a few times that night (I didn't answer or respond), really trying to push my emotional buttons. I felt like I saw the real her, that she was doing her best to manipulate me, to be able to say "Hah! I got him to text back, I still got him." A few days and a few 'this is the last time I'll text you, but blah blah' s, I realize I could have been wrong, that she might genuinely be hurt. I can't tell if her line "I want to talk, need to know if you hate me" was true or her best attempt at manipulation.

 

Enough time (couple weeks) has passed that I feel like I missed the window of opportunity to send a quick 'don't hate you, don't want to talk right now' . I never broke NC, and its bugging me some. I think I can get over it, but just the idea of her being upset and not doing well in grad school gets to me. I am going to run into her years down the line, and I don't want things to be awkward between us.

 

tl;dr She was great except the last couple of weeks, I grew a pair, stopped all contact, now wondering if I took it too far.

 

I don't know how posting this can help me, nor how anyone could realistically give good advice since no one knows her. Still, any and all comments would be appreciated.

Edited by usedtobeniceguy
Trying to keep it short, can elaborate if you want
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lofi_tokyo

It sounds like NC was good for you, at sometimes you need to focus on yourself.

 

With regards to her own healing - will she resent you later on for NC - if she does, that is her own choice.

 

I can say that in the case where I was a dumpee once, and where I fought so incredibly hard to keep the dumper, he no longer remembers a thing about what I did or didn't do. Enforcing NC? Nope, he doesn't remember it. Going nutso and calling me like a freak at all hours? Nope, he doesn't remember it.

 

So... if she holds a grudge - that's some pretty active grudge holding. Most people just move on.

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