AryReisin Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 She is really sure she wants a full separation. I want to be with her and it makes her feel bad talking about our feelings so I can't see her or talk or chat about our feelings. The only thing she can offer me is to chat and to talk by phone about things like how she did in her english course, or in the school. This is killing me, because I want her more than anything in the world, not a chance of wanting to forget her or to be with someone else. I need to find a way to be fine until I meet her again (she said there is a condition, I must stop loving her in order to meet her again). I want to find a way to get her back, it doesn't matter how long it takes, I am willing to wait for her as long as my love lasts. Anyone knows a good approach? I am trying to cope this. It is hard because she is the entire sense of my life, and I can't imagine myself living without her, even if I did, I wouldn't want it. What I want is advice on how to get her back and how to resist her refusal. Please don't tell me to move on because I am not reading that B.S., the only thing that matters to me is to get her back. Link to post Share on other sites
GIZMO Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 You can not have her back unless she wants to come back.. You have to let her be and move on.. I am sorry, but it is a fact of life.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AryReisin Posted November 3, 2003 Author Share Posted November 3, 2003 Originally posted by GIZMO You can not have her back unless she wants to come back.. You have to let her be and move on.. I am sorry, but it is a fact of life.. Then I will suffer the consequences, I am already suffering them. The human, the worst thing in nature. In universe. I wish I were a dog or something like that, no memory allowed to make life miserable. Link to post Share on other sites
GIZMO Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 How long did you date this woman? Were you married to her? Do you have children with her ??? What is so great about your love? Why do you think she is the only one that will ever make you happy Link to post Share on other sites
Author AryReisin Posted November 3, 2003 Author Share Posted November 3, 2003 Originally posted by GIZMO How long did you date this woman? Were you married to her? Do you have children with her ??? What is so great about your love? Why do you think she is the only one that will ever make you happy I answered in the other post. Link to post Share on other sites
GIZMO Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 I really think you should go and talk to a council.. You need to be able to love yourself. You need to be able to pick up the pieces and move on.. You are way to young to be this caught up with a girl.. Really, you have your whole life ahead of you.. Don't think that she is the only woman for you.. Link to post Share on other sites
BraveGirl Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 It seems from this and your other writings that you feel we can't understand the depths of your pain. We can. Some of us have felt that life is not worth living, that our love is so strong and real we cannot comprehend it being rejected. It IS a very very painful thing to suffer, that is why we are all writing here. One thing I am learning from this is to make my life more complete by myself. It is a slow process and it feels like a very lonely thing to do at times, and I catch myself thinking only He can make me happy. That is an idealistic, romantic view of life and love. Yes, what's wrong with being idealistic and romantic, why doesn't the other person want to be idealistic and romantic with us? But we are faced with OUR life. We may not want to face it, but we cannot rely on someone else to complete us and make us happy. They can certainly add to our happiness, but we have to be full complete people as ourselves. I know full well that if I had felt more secure, happy and busy with MY life during my relationship, most of the problems leading to our break up would not have occurred. I am beginning to get tiny moments of excitement as I begin to see how I can make myself happier and more fulfilled and a better person, both for myself and for any future relationship. Relying on another person to do that will inevitably lead to suffering. You may be feeling too much pain right now, but try gradually to think about want you want to do with your life, how you can make it a good and fulfilled one. You cannot live by only loving one person, life is much more than that. I now know that being able to have a happy healthy relationship depends on my sorting myself and my life out. Remember that the whole world is there to explore and you can enjoy it. Sometimes you will do it alone, sometimes with someone else. But you are always going to be with YOU, and you need to learn to rely on yourself. I hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AryReisin Posted November 3, 2003 Author Share Posted November 3, 2003 I can live by only loving one person, life is about that for me. What I want to do with my life is to be with her, and if possible to do things for myself. But those things for myself aren't enough to make me want to live. She is the only reason. I will try to wait a while so I make her think I am fine and want to be friends. So maybe in a month I can invite her to meet us. Once we are friends, maybe I will try to seduce her in a way she doesn't feel offended. What worries me is I have to keep doing my activities, and that seems really hard. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 I can live by only loving one person, life is about that for me. What I want to do with my life is to be with her, and if possible to do things for myself. But those things for myself aren't enough to make me want to live. She is the only reason. Ary - This is very unhealthy. You should never give over your reason to live to somebody else. In doing this, you have given away all the power you have over your own life. I really think you badly need to speak to a counsellor. It is too much burden for any person to be somebody else's 'reason for living'. No woman will be able to deal with that. If you truly want to be the sort of man she might want, you NEED to get help for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 Ary, this guy will say anything to sell a book. There is NO 'surefire' solution to 'making' someone fall back in love with you. You need to live as an independent man who can manage his own life without investing his entire self in another human. That will make you attractive to women. Right now you are far too dependent - trust me, you can read a thousand books by 'experts' but none of them will work if you don't become a strong human being. You deserve to have a good life and to survive and thrive with or without her. The very best thing you can do is to help yourself first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AryReisin Posted November 3, 2003 Author Share Posted November 3, 2003 It is not the same what I want that what is good for me. I want her, even if that is not good for me. It is clear and simple as that. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 We don't get everything we want in life. If you don't deal with this, you will become every woman's nightmare. I suspect you have an image of yourself as a 'devoted' lover but there is a stage past devotion that verges on sickness. You are sounding obsessed - you will NOT win her or anybody if you are. Listen to me, will ya? NO WOMAN WANTS AN OBSESSED MAN. Get it? Not your girlfriend or anybody else. This is why you MUST get help to stop this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AryReisin Posted November 3, 2003 Author Share Posted November 3, 2003 Originally posted by moimeme We don't get everything we want in life. If you don't deal with this, you will become every woman's nightmare. I suspect you have an image of yourself as a 'devoted' lover but there is a stage past devotion that verges on sickness. You are sounding obsessed - you will NOT win her or anybody if you are. Listen to me, will ya? NO WOMAN WANTS AN OBSESSED MAN. Get it? Not your girlfriend or anybody else. This is why you MUST get help to stop this. She doesn't have to know I am that, and of course I am looking for help. Anyway I will make her see I totally agree with whatever she says, and that will make her stop defending herself. She will think I am totally ok without her (which maybe will be true) and think I don't want her so badly (which of course is not true). She will feel relieved because she won't think I am a threat to her well being. I never was, but she didn't and isn't seeing it. I think this way sounds good to me, never tried it before, to agree everything she says. To stop defending myself in order to make her feel fine with herself. Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted November 5, 2003 Share Posted November 5, 2003 [Please don't tell me to move on because I am not reading that B.S., the only thing that matters to me is to get her back. So, you want us to tell you only what you want to hear -- Too bad and if I want to tell you to move on, I will!!!! Look man, don't do this. The only healthy approach is to leave her alone, put it all behind you, and perhaps date other women. Can you honestly say that, if you were to get back with her, you wouldn't be hurting, from your recent breakup? You can't make this woman love you, so why even try? You're just gonna drain yourself. You say that in a month, you're gonna invite her to meet us. You never know, you could be feeling different in a month. Where the heck is your dignity? Is she really your only reason to live? Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted November 5, 2003 Share Posted November 5, 2003 Well, after reading your most recent post, it sounds like you have your mind made up. You don't need our advice, so I wish you the best. I hope this seductive love tactic works out for you. Regards - Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Posted November 5, 2003 Share Posted November 5, 2003 Move on, and in doing so, learn how to enjoy being alone. You have pinned your whole life around this girl - that's obsessive and possessive. You need to find YOU, get some confidence, and be truly happy with who you are. She has obviously been unhappy with the situ for a while .. as said already, you can't force someone to love you. The hurt will go eventually, and through this experience you will hopefully see that being true to yourself is far more worthy than trying to get a love that has died, reciprecated. Good Luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
mattdad Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 You are not alone in this painful longing for an individual that wants nothing more to do with you. I am currently recovering from the breakup from my last girlfriend and the pain seems endless. Let me know if any of these symptoms sound familiar... ...Anything can set off a crunching remembrance of her, and my heart sinks deep in my chest. Just tok my son to see the Matrix, and watching Neo and Trinity kiss set my heart weeping because I would never kiss my ex-again... ...Then the accusations of "You weren't good enough for her" ...I die a little each time the waves crash over my psyche... ...but... I take heart in knowing that I've been down this road before, and it doesn't mean I'm a bad person - it just means that we weren't compatible AT THIS TIME. The pain will eventually dissipate - but only if you learn how to 1) process the loss 2) grieve appropriately 3) surround yourself with life, and 4) move ahead in your life. She has her life and her issues - you have yours. these paths may or may not cross again - but I do know one thing...in time the pain WILL disappear, and you will grow into a better man for having gone through the process. All the best to you. Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGirlNameKD Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 I think it's pretty clear to everyone who's wrote you and tried to help you why she left you in the first place, and she did well in moving on. If the only way she will meet you is if you no longer love her, she's obviously concern about her safety, because she doesn't feel good around you when you claim you do love her. You are extremely possessive and you are clearly delusional thinking you can turn into this perfect angel and seduce her into coming back to you. You are even more delusional if you feel that you'd be so convincing that she can't see past your "new" self and see what you are truly doing. People who know someone really well can tell when someone is trying to change their conduct but not change their character. Your true self will eventually shine through no matter how much you think you can mask it or control it. She's obviously not stupid and she's not blind. But if you feel this is something you have to do, knock yourself out. It maybe all that you need to see for yourself that in reality, it doesn't fly. Some people just have to learn things on their own and the hard way. Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGirlNameKD Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 And another thing, Don't feel that being suicidal and telling her that you can't live without her is going to make her run into your arms. If you should kill yourself when she doesn't come back in your life, she's not going to blame herself, because she's smart enough to realize that it's not. Link to post Share on other sites
volcanic1 Posted November 9, 2003 Share Posted November 9, 2003 I have recently gone through the same thing. She said she didn't want me anymore, and i was crushed! I read a book, and basically it told me to turn the table on her. Make her feel like YOU are the one that wants HER out of your life. Pay attention to your appearance, always look good, she will expect you to look like you feel (miserable). Show her you are happy. The thought that she can't have you will MAKE her want you! Always make a decision, women would rather lean, than be leaned on. I implemented these techniques in my seperation from my wife, when i thought i COULD NEVER be with her again. I thought she would be happy to see that i didn't want her back, and i would be lost. Wrong, it actually worked! I hope this can be of great help to you in your quest to get your girl... Link to post Share on other sites
Author AryReisin Posted November 9, 2003 Author Share Posted November 9, 2003 Originally posted by volcanic1 I have recently gone through the same thing. She said she didn't want me anymore, and i was crushed! I read a book, and basically it told me to turn the table on her. Make her feel like YOU are the one that wants HER out of your life. Pay attention to your appearance, always look good, she will expect you to look like you feel (miserable). Show her you are happy. The thought that she can't have you will MAKE her want you! Always make a decision, women would rather lean, than be leaned on. I implemented these techniques in my seperation from my wife, when i thought i COULD NEVER be with her again. I thought she would be happy to see that i didn't want her back, and i would be lost. Wrong, it actually worked! I hope this can be of great help to you in your quest to get your girl... What book? I am trying to get Stop your divorce! free from somewhere. (here in Argentina 1 dolar costs 3 pesos, and don't have credit card, and don't have enough money) This has been a little helpful http://www.stopyourdivorce.com/sample1.htm Hey how do I make her want to be with me? If I get out of her way (not calling her for small talks, happy talks) then she will do her life. It is not the same as in your case. She is your wife, many time shared, older people. So far I think the best I can do is follow those strategies from that link, anyway I don't know if I will be able to date others in the future or tolerate she dating others. I mean I am really afraid she finds someone better or different. I would like to discuss more with someone who has been through the experience and got her back. Thanks, Ary. Link to post Share on other sites
BklynGuy Posted November 17, 2003 Share Posted November 17, 2003 Life doesn't equal your partner. I have learned this the hard way. I was with a girl for 4 1/2 years. I wanted to marry her and have kids. I turned my back on my friends, put off going to school full-time and got a job to keep her happy. The job didn't work out and I was in a slump for a few months. Then, I started to pick myself up again, and try to work on my confidence and get back on my feet. She dumps me over the phone after 4 1/2 years. She just walks out of my life like I was a no good piece of sh**. I treated her well, took her out, bought her tennis bracelets and expensive bags, plays, movies, shows, restaurants. Ultimately, she left me and told me "I don't see us walking down the aisle together." I was devastated. My whole world fell apart. Many people told me she was trouble and that I should have dumped her. Not to mention she was cheating on me and I lived in denial for about 2 years. ALWAYS put yourself first, the opposite sex will break your heart. Make sure you have your own life then let others into it. Relationships just aren't worth the trouble sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
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