Argument with ex

[Dusty Springs]

I broke up with my ex-boyfriend a year ago over things that might not seem that personal, but are for me, mostly politics. I did it as slowly and gently as possible (under the circumstances), so that we could reach a common understanding that things weren't working. I actually waited until he took an interest in seeing someone else to definitively break it off. It was kind of sad, but we were both seeing other people pretty much right away, and I'm much happier with the man I'm with now. I refused to see my ex in person for the first 6 months, because it was a hard adjustment for me too. It was kind of nice the first time we saw each other again, but the next few times we ended up arguing again. But still, I've tried to stay in contact online, because he has a lot of good qualities and I like him, in spite of our fundamental disagreements on things that matter to me deeply.

 

I always wanted to stay friends forever. I don't like the idea of letting go completely of someone I was with for over 4 years. I don't want to believe I was completely wrong about him. And once I make a commitment to caring what happens in someone's life, I can't just stop caring because we can't be in a romantic relationship. He claimed to feel the same.

 

And then he had to go and bring up a topic that he ought to know would lead to a fight. Why did he ask what I think about it? (I don't want to go into what the topic is because that's not the point.) He's condescending when he's an expert on something, and I put up with it, but on this topic he wasn't an expert and he assumes I must have stupid reasons for believing what I do. In fact I know a lot more about it than he does. But he accuses me of just looking for confirmation of what I already believe. I wasn't looking for confirmation. I was answering his question and I would have explained the answer if he'd given me half a chance instead of jumping on me right away. But based on the accusations it was clear he didn't really want to know what I thought, so I refused to answer. Why is he picking fights with me like this? Is this resentment that I broke up with him or is he just too stupid to know where not to tread if we're going to have anything left at all? Maybe it's not about me at all and he just needs to believe he's right on this issue and needs to put down, instead of listening to, the one person he knows who is likely to have a good reason for disagreeing with him. And then again, maybe if we have to stick to shallow topics of conversation, there's nothing left to save anyway. It's a shame it had to come to this, but now I'm not speaking to him. Maybe it's all better as a memory only, or at least for awhile. I don't like losing my friend, though. He helped me become what I am, but I can't pretend politics doesn't matter to me, or that he isn't both deeply wrong and misbehaving in my view. (Yes, I have definite views and I'm not ashamed of that, and I will justify them if people approach me respectfully.) It still feels like crap, though. Can anyone relate to this?