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Can you really fall out of love? A discussion...


wmrjw82

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Having a rough day today. I dont know if its the change in weather (it's becoming very summer weather-ish where i'm at and it reminds me alot of last summer when I was with my ex...on a side note...does this happen to anyone else? Just reminds me of happier times...)

 

Anyways... I was thinking today about something I remember my ex telling me when she broke up with me in January. She said, at first that she realized she never really was in love with me and then later on backtracked and said she loved me to a point because there were "different stages" of love.

 

I couldn't ever really figure out whether she loved me or not but all I knew was that the feeling for her was gone come January. Its been a rough road for me. I've tried to wrap my head around the concept of love because in my experience, someone who i've truly loved I never stopped loving. It was always the other person who left or ended the relationship. So I guess i'm apart of the crowd that believes if you truly love someone you dont leave them because it hurts too much to be without them. Ive left girls before, but I never truly loved them and that's why I ended it.

 

I'm curious to know what you believe...

 

Do you believe you can fall in and out of love with someone and that there are "stages" or an "extent" to which you can love them...Or.... do you believe that a person who leaves was never really in love in the first place?

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You can fall out of love, imo. I think it happens quite a bit. A deep betrayal (whether it's cheating or just a decision or series of decisions made without the other's best interest at heart) can change the way you view a person. And that - the changed view (from love, trust, excitement, and hope *to* disappointment, mistrust, and doubt) can easily turn into 'falling out of love.'

 

The lapse knows. ;)

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I think that it takes more than "a feeling" to sustain a relationship...feelings come and go and I think when people fall in and out of "love" that is what they mean; they lose that feeling. But the truth is, the relationship had no real foundation and was a product of 2 people being carried away by feelings that eventually fade away to leave reality. Often times that reality is that either one or the other or both aren't ready for a commitment but liked "the feeling" so now when the work part comes in, they can't be bothered OR they were never that compatible in reality but the feelings didn't allow for them to realize that except when it dissipates.

 

I think a relationship or getting to know someone for a relationship has different stages: infatuation (where everything is lovely and rosy and giddy and euphoric and when you're least aware), illumination (when the infatuation starts to wane and you start being more objective and when conflicts inevitably arise as they do when you deal with another person), evaluation (where you start to assess the relationship, it's direction, if the conflicts are worth it, are you truly compatible etc) and maturation (where it continues to grow and you actually build together and this often leads into long term).

 

I think a lot of people form premature relationships during the infatuation stage. In that during the infatuation is when they commit, move in together or give titles so then when the other stages come and the truth is realized, they "fall out of love". If however, one simply dated and then actually waited until the evaluation stage to make things serious, then certain things would be avoided.

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stopthemadness

Yes I believe you can fall out of love. I know in the begining what me and my ex had was REAL!! It was an awesome kind of love that lasted alot of years. (8+) But for what ever reason or reasons, he stopped loving me. Boy that was hard to type. But its ture. He started by saying he needed a break from the relationship. Then 3 months later me was seeing smone else.I was devastated to say the least!!! But we stayed "friends" i know it was lame of me. A few months later it was on to another women. Now hes living with a women that he met in Jan and moved in with her In Feb. Down the street from my House, Ya crazy huh? Well I do see a therapist and Ive come to terms with all of this. So heres what gets me through this. It was What it was. And it is What it is OVER..Thats what i tell myself and it helps me...FYI Ive been total N/C for 2 1/2 months am sooo proud of that, cause WE always had a problem with that. One day I'll wish him well..But it aint 2day..

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I think that it takes more than "a feeling" to sustain a relationship...feelings come and go and I think when people fall in and out of "love" that is what they mean; they lose that feeling. But the truth is, the relationship had no real foundation and was a product of 2 people being carried away by feelings that eventually fade away to leave reality. Often times that reality is that either one or the other or both aren't ready for a commitment but liked "the feeling" so now when the work part comes in, they can't be bothered OR they were never that compatible in reality but the feelings didn't allow for them to realize that except when it dissipates.

 

I think a relationship or getting to know someone for a relationship has different stages: infatuation (where everything is lovely and rosy and giddy and euphoric and when you're least aware), illumination (when the infatuation starts to wane and you start being more objective and when conflicts inevitably arise as they do when you deal with another person), evaluation (where you start to assess the relationship, it's direction, if the conflicts are worth it, are you truly compatible etc) and maturation (where it continues to grow and you actually build together and this often leads into long term).

 

I think a lot of people form premature relationships during the infatuation stage. In that during the infatuation is when they commit, move in together or give titles so then when the other stages come and the truth is realized, they "fall out of love". If however, one simply dated and then actually waited until the evaluation stage to make things serious, then certain things would be avoided.

 

I like this place! There are smart, insightful people here. Agree very much with this.

 

I will add that I don't think that the 'in love' feeling makes it any less real or any less valid. It's just different and it may be naive, but it's still an amazing aspect of existing.

Edited by lapse
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