GIZMO Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 I have not been in the dating scene long.. I was with a man for most of my adult life. Now, I finally meet a nice man and I find out he has a child and a ex wife.. I have never dated a man with a child or that has been divorced. I also find out he has bad credit.. Does this make me a shallow person because it bothers me? I do not know if I can date this man.. I have only known him a few weeks, so it is nothing serious yet, but.. do you think I am bad for thinking of calling it off for those reasons? He has never lied to me, but everyday I find out something new.. Please give me your best advise. Thank You Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 He has never lied to me, but everyday I find out something new. Ex-wife and child might not be an issue; bad credit could be depending on what he's doing to fix it if anything. However, if you aren't prepared to take on a man with a child, exit now. Kids need their parents' exes to be willing parts of their lives. Link to post Share on other sites
Iamhappy Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 Suze Orman (she's some kind of financial guru) said that people who are bad with credit are bad with relationships. Anyone care to comment on this? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 Think it depends how their credit got bad in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
jjenkins70 Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 I think that if it makes you incomfortable, and you personally do'nt like the feelings, and the thoughts of the bad credit, and child/ex....then listen to your heart, and let it be the guide in your life. hope this helps Link to post Share on other sites
Iamhappy Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 I was reading your other posts and you mentioned that you and your ex broke up about a month ago. Is it possible that you're just not ready yet to be involved with someone so soon? Link to post Share on other sites
Author GIZMO Posted October 16, 2003 Author Share Posted October 16, 2003 I don't know, maybe I am not ready.. I guess I am scared that if I do not find the ONE now, I will never be able to have children when I am still young. You know. How is it that you know you are ready to date someone? Link to post Share on other sites
Iamhappy Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 I guess I am scared that if I do not find the ONE now, I will never be able to have children when I am still young. Is that really your goal though - to find a man just for the purpose of fulfilling this dream? Because if it is, you must know that it is possible nowadays to have all that without the help of a man. Your posts indicate that your ex was your whole life. (Boy, do I know what that's like. ). It seems to me you worked very hard to keep the relationship going despite the fact that everything else in his life had priority over you. How many concessions did you have to make, how many different ways did you have to contort yourself to make yourself a better fit for him? Did you think that by working harder to change yourself, the marriage, the kids, the house and the dog would be your payoff, your reward? Is that why you stayed in the relationship as long as you did? Because if it is, I hate to break this to you, the same problems are going to crop up in your next relationship. Having a house, kids and a dog - they're all admirable goals, but they aren't good enough reasons to go out on a man-hunt. You are still hurting from your break up. It's normal to feel hurt, lonely and empty. It's normal to want to do something to fill that empty void. It's normal to want to do something, anything that would take away the hurt and loneliness. Sure, you could go out and date up a storm and find yourself a new boyfriend right away. You could even have children to distract you from the hurt and anguish you're feeling. But these things are a palliative - a temporary fix alleviating the pain but doesn't cure the problem. He was your world the last 7 years. You liked what he liked. You wanted what he wanted. His friends became your friends. And for goodness sakes, his debts became your debts. Where are you in this? Better yet, who are you? Do you even have an idea of who you are and what you really want after all these years? Are you willing to make the same concessions, to twist yourself into all sorts of knots, to be last on someone else's priority list just so you can have the house, the kids and the dogs? Now might be a good idea to just step back and give yourself the time to get to know who you really are, what you really want. When you finally understand who you are, you won't be so willing to accept getting treated like a second class citizen. Give yourself a chance to find the right man - a man who's worthy of you, but first be of worth to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GIZMO Posted October 17, 2003 Author Share Posted October 17, 2003 Wow, that was really good how you put that. Thumbs up!! I am trying to find out what I want, but it is hard, because I have no idea what I even like to do for fun anymore. I really built my whole world around this man thinking he would always be there.. Well now I am lost and trying to figure out what it is I want besides all of the things everybody wants. Ya know.. You are right, I think I just need to sit back and take a day at a time and see where it leads me.. Thank you so much for your advise, you really woke me up there, I mean that with all of my heart, thank you.. Link to post Share on other sites
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