Facebook Question...

[Butterfly5525]

Did you not only de-friend your ex on Facebook but did you take it one step further & block them as well? Why or why not? Just curious as to how everyone else has been handling this....

[Layzie89]

She defriended me when she broke up with me. About a month later after trying to get her back, I decided to go NC. I decided to deactivate my facebook completely as well. Even though her profile was set on private, I would still go to her page just to see if she changed her profile pic or whatever. I would stalk our mutual friends pages for her comments and such to the point where it became routine. I knew in order for me to heal, it needed to stop. So I did what I had to do and deactivated my FB. I don't want to know what she's up to nor do I want her knowing what I've been up to. At first it was hard, but it certainly has helped a ton in terms of healing and I'm happy I did it. I don't plan on reactivating my FB anytime soon either...it's kind of nice to go 'off the radar' for a bit anyways.

 

That's my story.

[Ginger Beer]

I deleted my Facebook account, deleted + blocked her too.

 

Don't use Facebook anymore as I will see mutual friends' walls and her commenting etc etc.

 

I feel better without FB by the way.

[Eeyore79]

I wish I had the common sense to block my ex right away. He blocked me first, and you can't block someone who's already blocked you. That means he's in control of the block, and can take it off whenever he wants. If I'd gotten in first, I'd be in control of the block and could make sure that it stayed put.

[Fufu]

To dumpees:

 

Please don't go and stalk your ex's facebook profile, it is not going to help you at all to move on. By looking at what they post on their wall, who they go out with, who they talk to, places they been to, are you happy?

 

The more you find out what your exes are doing, the more you will start to wonder, why am I not there with him/her? Why he/she do this kind of thing to me? Why is he/she being so mean to me? Why is he/she so happy?

 

After my ex broke up with me, I stalked his facebook profile, look at his pictures, look at who tag his pictures on his wall, it was a very unhealthy action for myself, I was paying so much attention on him rather than myself.

 

After that, I take the first step to delete him from my facebook and I block him.

 

Gradually, I lose all urge and temptation to find out what he's doing and now he is no longer in my mind constantly.

 

Deleting someone from your facebook can be hard, however, sometimes you just have to do it if you don't want to live your life in limbo.

 

 

Eeyore79: It's okay if he blocked your first, you can think of you don't even need to waste your time to go through the steps to block him

[EmperorR]

I deleted and blocked

Then removed th block as I'm taking a non chalant approach

[radiodarcy]

i deleted him and told him i had done so (i know i know i shouldn't have done the latter) but it just hurt so much to see him flirting with other girls and being outgoing and acting like himself when he stopped doing that with me a long time ago. it made me feel obsolete.

 

seeing the posts of his day to activities (and with whom) accompanied by pictures, no less felt like a knife in the gut

 

i havent bothered blocking him - - i simply don't go on his page and haven't in over four months. and i am soooo much happier for it. ignorance really can be bliss sometimes and this is one of them!

[silvermane187]

She blocked me when she dumped me. Three months later after having a few texts backa nd forth on good terms she unblocked me. I messaged her and she ignored me for 3-4 days. Next she changed her display picture to her with another guy. I told her to do me a favor and block me again because I don't like being mind ****ed. She obliged.

Edited April 1, 2011 by silvermane187

[GreenPolicy]

I defriended but didn't block. I think blocking is unnecessary since I don't look at her fb page anyways.

[radrluv72]

My ex dumped me 4 months ago. For 3 weeks I tried to be friendly & get him to talk to me about why he broke things off with me so abruptly, but when I'd had it, I blew up at him and told him not to contact me until he weas ready to sit down & have an honest talk about what was really going on with him. He promptly defriended me on FB, but didn't block me, and I didn't block him either. But I've maintained NC for 13 weeks now. In hindsight and knowing him like I do, I think the only reason he defriended me was because I told him not to contact me...during that entire 3 weeks despite the fact he wouldn't talk about what was wrong, he told me he would do whatever I needed him to do to help me get past the breakup. I also don't think he defriended me because he was upset about me finally standing up for myself and ripping into him...I'm pretty sure he knew it was coming eventually.

 

Kind of a long-winded response to your question, but as long as I was maintaining NC, I didn't see the point in blocking him. But why he didn't block me, I don't know.

[lovnlost]

Im in a wierd scenario. My ex deleted her fb account publicly and angrily after I made her mad. You see...she gave me a bs excuse to break up. So I tried to call her for a week to get some closure. She blew me off and got mad. Since that week...I have been NC for 6 weeks or so. Well....I had to defriend her moms fb from my page as well because she was posting stuff that reminded me off my ex. Well...the exact day after that I notice my ex had made a new FB page as I was posting on a friends wall. Got that little reminder in the corner....ugh annoying. I dont know how long she has been around...and I am troubled to think she got to look at my status updates or whatever of the this time apart to check on me. I have changed settings so that cant happen. I dont care about blocking her even though I have seen a few times her page. I am trying good ol fashion "resist the urge" approach. Its going ok.

 

Why would someone get back on after such a display to delete and leave? She is slowly making friends of mine as well as we know alot of the same people. Its kinda frustrating. But again...trying to not let it trouble me. What would you all do?

 

Holy S**t....now that I think about it. It happened on my Bday last week.....wierd!!! Social Networking is so annoying!!!

Edited April 1, 2011 by lovnlost

[EyesWideOpen]

The only thing I did was to make it so he doesn't show up on my news feed anymore.

Mainly because we have a number of mutual friends. Even though I tried to make it as amicable as possible and remain on a civil/friendship basis (solely so as not to put our friends in an awkward position), he still *tried* to play the victim to these mutual friends and make it sound like I put him through the ringer.

Fortunately for me, everyone already knew both of our personalities and the situation...so no one bought it.

 

But regardless. I was not about to give him ANYTHING that he could twist into another sob story.

[Butterfly5525]

Thanks for your input on this everyone.

[shocked_confused]

About a week after we broke up I deleted him. Then I got sick of constantly checking if he's changed his picture so I completely blocked him altogether a month later.

 

He's been blocked for about 4 months now. I did have a moment of weakness a couple weeks ago and unblocked him to see what he was saying to our mutual friends. He was constantly bragging about his new life and how he was "living and loving it", blabla, basically overcompensating.

 

Anyway, it got to me a bit and it made me realize that I'm not ready to have even a smudge of him back in my life so i re-blocked him.

[Heatemyheart89]

Deleting and blocking is the one...

[clumsiest]

I deleted him about a week after we broke up, but I didn't block him until passed 6 months.... still on block now and we're close to a year. He's on his second new relationship, I'm still hurting.

 

Sometimes I am pretty sure that no contact just helps them move on quicker instead of you.

[ALonerAgain]

My ex and I aren't blocked, but as he was the Dumper, he was the first to not only limit his profile to me but Untagged himself from all 'our' photos.

 

I defriended him first and then untagged myself from those same photos about a month after.

 

Every now and then I do see his face pop up when he's commented on a mutual friend's page. Though it hurts to even see his face, I still don't have the heart to block him.

[ALonerAgain]

I deleted him about a week after we broke up, but I didn't block him until passed 6 months.... still on block now and we're close to a year. He's on his second new relationship, I'm still hurting.

 

Sometimes I am pretty sure that no contact just helps them move on quicker instead of you.

 

Knowing how my ex is, I can understand that sentiment too. It's like letting them 'get away' from the mess (us) while we're left to pick up the pieces.

[flitzanu]

just delete them and block them and get it over with.

 

while you're at it, delete your "mutual" friends. if they were not your friends to begin with, they aren't "mutual". i don't believe ex's should be interacting with "your" friends on a regular basis, facebook or not.

 

all my "social network" breakups have involved them deleting me, and then deleting all of my friends from their lists as well. breaking up does entail being OUT of each others' lives, so don't half-ass it and leave loose strings.

[smudge21]

Just made the mistake of looking at my ex's wall (through a friends login as she's deleted on mine). I know I was going to regret it, yet I still went ahead and did it - someone please explain that!

 

Only saw a few pics of her out, looking amazing, with her fiance!!! Why the hell did I do it? Now I feel terrible...

[Butterfly5525]

I'm sorry you saw those pics smudge. That had to have been tough. Just remember though, we're all here for you if you ever need someone to talk to.

[marigo]

I was stalking my ex's facebook for the longest time and everything i saw only ended up hurting me. I even witnessed how he slowly took everything out- from pictures to 2 years worth of MY comments to him. Wouldnt be surprised if he deleted 2 years worth of my messages as well. What hurt the most was seeing how happy he is with his new gf and how hes doing so much for her that hes never done for me before. It killed me. But I was stubborn and liked to torture myself so i still kept looking. But it got to a point where anything i see doesnt affect me anymore because its so repetitive that there's nothing i would see there of him and his new gf that i havent seen before. Eventually i got tired of checking and i even got bored of what i was seeing because it was the same thing over and over.

 

I still look every once in a while and realized about a month ago (a little over a year after the break up) that he blocked me from seeing his wall and pictures but we're still friends. I couldnt get myself to delete him just because i keep thinking what if one day when we can be completely friends, i have to be the one to make the first move since i deleted him first. So honestly, he did me a huge favor when he blocked me from seeing his posts. Ive been so much happier not seeing anything.

 

Anyway, today, a friend asked me if i saw an update of my ex, when i tried looking for him on my friend's list, i couldnt find him. I realize he has deleted me as his friend. I dont know if he blocked me. I dont even know how you know if someone has blocked you. Im not as hurt as i thought i would be when this happens but it still stings. I think what hurts is that i dont understand the necessity for him to delete me off his fb considering the break up has happened a year ago and he dumped me. Usually people delete their exes because theyre the ones whos been dumped and are hurt by what they see on facebook. So i dunno why my ex had to delete me.

 

But looking at the brighter side, at least i dont have to feel the regret if one day i get curious how he is and i couldnt know because i deleted him. So if he ever wants to know anything about my life, he has to do it first because im not gonna do anything.

[smudge21]

Thanks Butterfly. I remember reading here someone saying that Facebook is like holiday snaps; it's just all the good things and never the bad things that may be going on. I guess seeing her out and happy just hit me as I'm not (despite trying), but that said, I wouldn't want to hear that she's down and depressed as we did split as friends and it was all nice, so I bear her no grudges.

 

I guess just seeing her with him simply brings out that jealousy monster we all suffer with - the whole line "that should be me" sort of thing. Facebook and temptation go hand in hand and hopefully I've learnt my lesson now... but I guess time will tell.

[0hpenelope]

Did you not only de-friend your ex on Facebook but did you take it one step further & block them as well? Why or why not? Just curious as to how everyone else has been handling this....

No de-friending. I'm at the point in my healing process where I don't care and don't need to put in the effort to; he's the one who wants the break-up, he can put in all of the effort in cutting me out of his life as I've done my part already in cutting him out of mine. I can take him out of my friends list, but I don't want to show him that anything about him still bothers me. He's not worth that lift of my finger to delete.

 

I don't visit his Facebook profile because I know better. All it took was one glance and the pain that came afterwards was enough. I just started getting over my irritation at seeing his profile in my list of "Friends" a week ago.

 

Again, I emphasize this, the reason I'm able to keep him as a faux friend on Facebook is because doing so isn't a setback to my healing. Believe it or not, I only looked at his newly enabled account once and that's all it took for me to solidify my resolve to not look at his account anymore. He can take me out if he wants and delete everything: tags, wall posts I left, it doesn't matter. But I will not do that for him.

[ALonerAgain]

just delete them and block them and get it over with.

 

while you're at it, delete your "mutual" friends. if they were not your friends to begin with, they aren't "mutual". i don't believe ex's should be interacting with "your" friends on a regular basis, facebook or not.

 

all my "social network" breakups have involved them deleting me, and then deleting all of my friends from their lists as well. breaking up does entail being OUT of each others' lives, so don't half-ass it and leave loose strings.

 

That's how I feel: I feel he took away more than the relationship: I feel that he's not only gained his new friends (inc. his new girlfriend), but some of mine too.

 

But I don't want to get petty and ask my friends to delete/defriend him: I don't beleive I have that right to tell people they can/can't be friends with (although time has certainly taken care of that for me, there are a few that still persist).