ladeedee Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 I was talking to my friend earlier and he said, "He'll probably come back.. they always do." Another one of my friends said that he'll most likely come back to me in a couple of weeks. I saw his best friend today on campus and he lowered his head when he saw me. I was very spritely towards him and nice and he couldn't raise his head when speaking to me. It doesn't give me any pleasure knowing he'll be coming around again. It just kind of... sets me back a little bit... Why do they they come back for more Link to post Share on other sites
EmperorR Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 They don't always come back but each and every one of my exes months even years later peaked their head into my life, by then I was no longer interested and just deleted it and went on with my life. Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 Not all the time. Some do. Link to post Share on other sites
TheUnthoughtKnown Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 They don't always come back but each and every one of my exes months even years later peaked their head into my life, by then I was no longer interested and just deleted it and went on with my life. Years, really? If my ex came into my life years from now it'd be a straight up case of "too little, too late" But to underline what everyone else has been saying; no they don't always come back into your life. Some you may never see or hear from again. Others find their way into your life again, but I'd doubt they'd be worth keeping there. Link to post Share on other sites
radrluv72 Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 I think each situation is individual. In my own person experience, I've only had three exes get in contact with me, and all three of those men I had genuine emotional connections with. One is currently a FB friend but we rarely communicate with eachother. The other two, I turned them both away when they wanted to reconnect, namely because I was a much different person when I was with them, and had moved on a loooooooooong time ago. Any other guys that I've dated beyond those three--and there have been plenty--there was never really a deep connection there and with a short amount of time after breaking up, I could care less. My current ex, I fell very deeply in love with him, and there was definitely the connection there...only time will tell what he'll do when he comes back home from overseas in the next couple of weeks. I'm not holding my breath. Best thing to do, is not count on it or give yourself any false hope. I don't know if you're necessarily wanting this person back, but if he does get back in contact with you, just be careful. A lot times when they do contact you, it's for the wrong reasons. The two exes that I turned away, I knew that they were poison to me...so why would I want them around again? Good riddance. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 They usually dont come back for a relationship. Something about you turned him off, he might not have told you what it is, but its something. He sees that whenever he sees you, and it prevents him from wanting to be with you. From what Ive seen on this site, alot of younger guys go back for a strictly sexual relationship, but they dont tell their ex gf that. They make her think something more might happen. So be careful. Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't and if they do come back, not every time they are back for you to rebuild the relationship again. Link to post Share on other sites
NoEnd_Mary Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 In my experience, all my ex's have come back. Usually it was a few mos to a year later. Like R U FOOKING KIDDING ME? Seriously ppl. F*ck them all. Link to post Share on other sites
ALonerAgain Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 In my experience, 2 of my exes have - even though I left them both. With my first ex, it was a rollercoaster mind-f**k. After almost a year of push-pull, we stopped communicating altogether. 5 years later he finds me on FB. After a couple of messages exchanged, I realised he was still the same narcissstic/needy person, despite being married. I left well alone. 2nd ex contacts me after a year's break-up. I agree to have a drink and catch-up with him. Have no idea why (curiousity I guess) as we had zero to talk about after the initial what's been happening in your life? I think he was fishing to start a fling with me but I was over it and was already seeing someone else anyway. Haven't heard from him since. Now my last ex of 4 1/2 years, is the longest. Having learnt from experience the 1st time round I told him that we should have NC with other. He listened and has since stayed away. Have not heard a peep from him, and doubt I will as he's not the type to go back either. But seeing as we do still have a couple of mutual friends still, who knows? All I know is that mine do tend to come into my life in a way I've least expected them to... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ladeedee Posted March 31, 2011 Author Share Posted March 31, 2011 I can't even imagine years down he line and he'd come back! I'd be like 'buzz off!' My ex now.. he told me that he tried to date another of his exes at one time... 6 years later!! He has a history of going back. I'm not hoping for anything at all. I really do not want him back. He was sometimes emotionally abusive and there is no chance in hell I'm going back to that. It is interesting though that they creep back into your life... It's like they can't understand that you can live without them and be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
SingVoice Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 I've been dumped probably 3 or 4 times. None of them ever came back. Of course they were all less than 3-4 month relationships. I have been the dumper in the long term relationships I have had. And I never went back. Why? Because I had been contemplating the end for a long time...and I had TRIED as hard as I could to make things work. If the person wasn't willing to put in any effort...then going back wouldn't change that. Link to post Share on other sites
lolo1234 Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 Also there's a difference between coming back to want to be in a relationship again and coming back just to check up on how you're doing. All of my exes have checked in on me. But only 2 (out of 6) actually made some kind of effort to get me back. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 most exes do come back in one form or another but as others have noted it's usually not stay. just to offer a few crumbs in an effort to stoke their ego. Link to post Share on other sites
shocked_confused Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 I've been dumped probably 3 or 4 times. None of them ever came back. Of course they were all less than 3-4 month relationships. I have been the dumper in the long term relationships I have had. And I never went back. Why? Because I had been contemplating the end for a long time...and I had TRIED as hard as I could to make things work. If the person wasn't willing to put in any effort...then going back wouldn't change that. A lot of people on here say the ex usually contemplates the end for a long time. My ex told me he only started contemplating it after he moved away (he dumped me 3 weeks after the move). So really, he only thought about it for 3 whole weeks! He told me that if someone had told him a month and a half before that he would be breaking up with me, he would have laughed at them because the thought of it was so silly. How does that happen? This was after a 5.5 year relationship. Anyway, it's been almost 5 months and I don't think he's coming back, haven't heard from him. Link to post Share on other sites
SingVoice Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 A lot of people on here say the ex usually contemplates the end for a long time. My ex told me he only started contemplating it after he moved away (he dumped me 3 weeks after the move). So really, he only thought about it for 3 whole weeks! He told me that if someone had told him a month and a half before that he would be breaking up with me, he would have laughed at them because the thought of it was so silly. How does that happen? This was after a 5.5 year relationship. Anyway, it's been almost 5 months and I don't think he's coming back, haven't heard from him. Hmm...well pardon me ahead of time if I am making false assumptions. But he probably WAS having doubts at least prior to the 3 weeks. I'd been having doubts for a LONG LONG time...but I still thought we would be together. I had a feeling in my gut that it wasn't right for a long time...but I still thought we would be fine. Until I realize that it wasn't going to be fine. It might have been the move that kind of elevated his doubts. USUALLY people don't just wake up one day and go "I don't want to be with this person" unless they have thought about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Nick71 Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 I am unfortunate enough to have close to 10 exes now. The only 2 I would want to return, one from 6 years ago & the most recent from 3 months ago are the only 2 that haven't returned. I just need to learn how to 'file' the most recent in the same place as the 6 years ago lady. It happened but I didn't take notes so now I'm learning all over again. That's my perspective but it comes from a desire for her to return. Yours seems that you do not wish them to return, so, if they have not thus far, then do not waste your energy worrying about it. There's far worse places to be, this forum is full of them :/ Link to post Share on other sites
shocked_confused Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 Hmm...well pardon me ahead of time if I am making false assumptions. But he probably WAS having doubts at least prior to the 3 weeks. I'd been having doubts for a LONG LONG time...but I still thought we would be together. I had a feeling in my gut that it wasn't right for a long time...but I still thought we would be fine. Until I realize that it wasn't going to be fine. It might have been the move that kind of elevated his doubts. USUALLY people don't just wake up one day and go "I don't want to be with this person" unless they have thought about it. Yea, i think you're right. He probably knew for sure that we were breaking up when he moved, and probably had on and off doubts before. Now that I think about it, he went through periods where he would act strange and distant for about a week throughout our relationship. It didn't happen a lot, maybe once a year or so. But he was probably having doubts then too. There were times when I wanted to break up with him for doing some hurtful things, and I really wish I did ages ago. *sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Yea, i think you're right. He probably knew for sure that we were breaking up when he moved, and probably had on and off doubts before. Now that I think about it, he went through periods where he would act strange and distant for about a week throughout our relationship. It didn't happen a lot, maybe once a year or so. But he was probably having doubts then too. There were times when I wanted to break up with him for doing some hurtful things, and I really wish I did ages ago. *sigh* He used the move as an excuse so that he wouldnt have to explain to you why he didnt communicate any problems with you before the move. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveBug1989 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 My boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue a few months after I temporarily moved for an internship and gave me some excuse's that I didn't feel were entirely true. After 1 month NC, he called me back asking for forgiveness and professing his love for me. I gave him a second chance, filled with hope, and 1 month later, he broke up with me again, with an even weaker excuse this time. I feel that he may have been getting cozy with other girls. If he does come back, watch out. Link to post Share on other sites
silic0ntoad Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Every ex except my most recent has come back. Last year my high school sweet heart came back. Six months ago my post high school sweetheart ex came back. It'd be a blessing if T didn't come back, but I am sure in the future our paths will cross, in some way. IMHO, they ALWAYS do, in some shape or form. Link to post Share on other sites
SingVoice Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 I have had a couple of crazy ones try to come back. (And keep in mind I dumped them...although it was only maybe a few months relationship.) I haven't gotten one in probably over a year...but there was this one who every few months would send me an email or a friend request. Sometimes the emails were "I saw something today that reminded me of you." Sometimes they were "Wow how can someone SO beautiful be such a cu**." This was the guy who when I broke up with him...told me he had cancer (a lie). I have NEVER responded to any of his messages. Perhaps after 6 years he finally got the message. Then there was a guy I dated briefly who treated me like sh**. After about a month I'd had enough. About a year later....he created a different messenger name and contacted me. He told me he was suicidal...he was all depressed...and he felt bad about the way things ended with us. If he could just "see" me...he would feel better and apologize. I told him no. We had only dated for a month!!! I didn't owe him anything. I believe that the contacts I have gotten have been from guys who recently got dumped. They get their heart broken...then they search for the attention anywhere they can get it...their exes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ladeedee Posted April 2, 2011 Author Share Posted April 2, 2011 Singvoice, your post was really crazy! And it's true they search for that attention and they know if they just pull on your heartstrings maybe you'll respond. I know my ex did that when I ran into him last week.. kept trying to walk away from him and he just kept saying things to bring me back into conversation. Then later through texting when I told him that I wanted space he just kept writing me! No thank you, sir! Please leave me alone! shocked_confused, I can relate to your situation a little bit. I feel like I should've done it earlier too when I had a chance... but just believe that you are better off and we really will be just fine! Love_bug: Ouch I gave my ex a second chance too... we lasted for about a year and towards the end he became what I really didn't like. He claimed the second time around he'd change for me and it only took him almost a year later to become that. Screw these guys they don't deserve our time! Link to post Share on other sites
clumsiest Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 Every single one of them, save for one that was sort of a half thing, have come back in the form of vague friendships. One that was important to me I had to put the effort into, but all the other ones came back on their own....Not really all that pleased with it since I've got few remaining positive feelings for any of them. The most recent one.... I just don't know. It was the most significant one, by a long shot, and I'm not sure if we will ever be friends. He hurt me so, so, so badly.... he came back briefly after about 4-5 months. I have a feeling this is going to be really hard to kill entirely on both our ends. He seems to have it easier though. Link to post Share on other sites
Airick Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 My first ex came back after a week when I told her I was over her (haha how ironic). Of course being young and dumb I took her back and things went straight back to how they were. She dumped me once again. A couple months later after NC she had her friend ask me if I would ever take her back, I am like "HELL NO" and I have never heard from her since. Now my ex right now won't take me back. It has only been a couple weeks but she says never again. If it really means never again, I certainly hope not because she was perfect. It was a mutual break up and I really have not found anyone who has the same problem as me after looking for advice for days. Point is they will always have feelings for you. There is a point when either they will come back or you will have to ask them. Finding this point is hard and sometimes it is almost impossible to find. If you can sense that they have strong enough feelings to give it another go then go for it. If it fails a second time then its a hell of a lot easier to get over them for good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ladeedee Posted April 3, 2011 Author Share Posted April 3, 2011 Airick: It's def easier getting over that same ex the second time. Now I know that I did truly tried again and y'know what, that's it! Second chances are for what its name implies. Though I don't know whether it's the same for everyone, but my experience so far has been pretty final. I've never felt better. As time goes on, the better I feel. Also I should tell you... don't think anyone is perfect. No one is perfect. Everyone has a flaw. Don't put her up on a pedestal. I just can't believe how all of us have had their exes come back in one form or another. We have to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
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