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Did she just want to be married?


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

 
 
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Old 27th March 2011, 2:31 AM   #1
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Did she just want to be married?

I am six months post break-up, I was the dumper but still feel a real sense of loss. She was the first woman I had really opened up to. I have had many relationships, just had always been very closed off to all others. Our relationship moved very fast up-front. Talking about engagement within the first three months. Just prior to me, she had been engaged and then broke it off.

We had some serious issues in our relationship that weren't fixable. I felt smothered and pressured to get married, but always felt something in my gut. It kept telling me that she didn't really love me. It felt like she wanted to be married period, but not necessarily to me.

Today, I ran into a mutual acquaintance. I have done a good job of maintaining NC from my ex, and with a few words he managed to ruin a perfectly good day. "I heard she's engaged", he blurts out. Ironically enough, I saw my ex from afar last night. And then this? UGH!

I feel vindicated that she didn't really love me. She and her new guy got together within two weeks of our breakup. (She met him at the new church we had just started attending. Should she thank me for bringing her to the new church to find her new guy? )

Did I just dodge a bullet here? Please give me some words to dig out of this pit I am sitting in.
Thatguyintx is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th March 2011, 3:57 AM   #2
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Hugs, to you. It sounds very much like you dodged a bullet there. Always trust your gut instinct, that's what I'm learning for myself.

What's to say that she won't break if off with this guy? She's obviously got esteem issues.

That's not meant to take away your pain. It hurts when you finally feel able to open up to someone only to realise it was wasted on the 'wrong' person. Again, I speak from experience.

I'm interested to know though why you felt able to trust her enough to let your guard down and not others in your past? What was it about her?

And who initiated talk of marriage?
ALonerAgain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th March 2011, 7:14 AM   #3
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I'm sorry you are going through this. It almost sounds as if she gets bored after the newness of the relationship ends. The sad thing is that the middle and settling in part can be the very best. Many people never allow themselves to get there.
Who knows, she probably doesn't even know. She may really want to get married but being with someone less than 6 months is way to soon to know, in almost all cases, whether you want to spend your life with them. It takes longer to really get to know someone.
DollyGirl12 is offline   Reply With Quote
 

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