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Most of time am fine...


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

 
 
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Old 22nd March 2011, 2:10 PM   #1
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Most of time am fine...

Well its been 7months sence the breakup and a few days over 2 months of N/C. My brain now gets that we are no longer a couple and that he has moved on. He started dating a women in Jan and started living with her in Feb.I guess anyway cause thats when we started n/c around that time.. Soo "They" the new happy couple live right down the street from my house!! ya like 3 blocks away!!Thats crazy huh? Smone i know told me that thats her and her exs house and that she took him too court and now its hers. I also own my house and have no plan on moving. Before all this "he" lived in the next town over.. I try not to go on that side of town. But my church is over there. Needless to say I didnt go to church for a month because of all this. So last nite i go to womens prayer meeting. I went all the way around on the way there. But for some reason on the way back I took the short way home and went by their place. WOW was that the wrorg thing to do cause now am sad kinda. The front window was open and I could see his flat screen tv.(we both got one at the same time) So here i am now feeling sad.. and most of the time am fine. Am really starting to feel like am reaching indifference with his man from my past. But dang ,all this makes me feel not good enough. I know thats not true. But i start thinking Why not me? Iam going to dinner with my "friend" 2nite , i hope it brings me out of this funk. So what do you guys think? Just dont ever go that way? or suck it up and go that way cause its on my way church?

Last edited by stopthemadness; 22nd March 2011 at 2:15 PM..
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Old 22nd March 2011, 2:25 PM   #2
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Avoid that route. I'm in a similar situation. My ex just moved about a mile or two down the street from me. There is no reason for me to venture over that way because it will only bring up heartache. It's not a route that I have to travel normally, but I have already figured out another route that is a good alternative. I have already been tempted to drive by, but that would only do me harm.

I live in a VERY large city of over 2.5 million people. It's crazy that of all the places she could move, she ends up moving into my neighborhood. Ugh!
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Old 22nd March 2011, 2:42 PM   #3
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Huh!! before all this he lived two towns over!! What the heck? but your right, am gona around from now on. Thanks for letting me know am not the only one with a situation like this. I was soo missing church. Went a whole month without going. I plan on going back again on Wednesday and this time I WILL go around.
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Old 22nd March 2011, 5:01 PM   #4
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Ya know, I know this is easy to say, but the hardest thing is to REALLY accept that this person is no longer part of your life. I want you to actually think about that for a minute. Go on, I'll wait............ think about all of the areas of your life where he used to matter and then take him out. What you are left with is nothing. He is not there with you. Not at dinner, not at the movies, not in bed, not on the couch, not on vacation, not anywhere.

Live your life. Anything he has is now his life. Anything you have is now your life. Separation. Once you understand just what that means for your life the sooner you will start living for you. Don't consider him or his tv. Don't think about where he lives (I know it's inconvenient and I'm sorry). Just don't.

Believe me, I've been considering her. How she is feeling, if she misses me, if she is gonna do THIS without me or THAT without me. It's silly. It's counter-productive. It doesn't matter! They are going to do no matter what. So you should do, as best as you can, in any way you want. I know it's hard to say goodbye but you must. It's essential.

I hope this helps. It's a little harsh but it is the absolute truth.
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Old 26th March 2011, 1:51 PM   #5
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I would say avoid the route. It's part of the NC rules. Read the below post that really helped me:
http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=56954

The acceptance is true but it's really hard to do since you have a lot yourself invested in the past. It doesn't sound like you're fully over the rel. yet. It sounds like you need more time, so avoiding him and his route is best. Also, just b/c someone has moved in with someone else doesn't mean things are peachy. I had an ex move across the country to live w/the other woman. Turns out it didn't work out and he was thinking about me the whole time! He later revealed this in a letter to me a year after our rel. was done. By then I was apathetic. You'll be surprised how deceiving things look on the surface.
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Old 26th March 2011, 2:35 PM   #6
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Your right, maybe i am not over all this like i wanta think i am.. But most of the time am fine. I really thought he was "the one" but in order for that too work he had to have thought that too.We were 2gether for 8 1/2 years. So its hard ,for me any way. But I will MAKE myself go around "that house" i have too!!! My brain just CANT process any of this crap anymore!!!
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Old 27th March 2011, 10:06 AM   #7
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I understand girl. You have to be strong. Do not allow him to make you feel like a weak person. 8 1/2 yrs is a long time but you have to look at it for the lessons that came out of it. I wasted 5 yrs of my life with the douchebag but I realized that a lot of the BS happened b/c I allowed it to happen. I know what you are saying about not being able to process this CRAP anymore! I totally understand! I'm so sick of thinking about him and the betrayal. I just want him to disappear already. He can't let it go and keeps contacting me.
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