I'm stupid for breaking NC

[fresh8]

My ex (who dumped me 4 weeks ago... but NC for only 2 weeks) was texting me last week and I did not reply. Her texts were asking 'How are you?' and then the next day 'I guess we're not talking anymore?' Just two nights ago, I was out for a 21st and she was out for St Patty's Day. She texted me in the middle of the night, 'I'm sorry I'm texting... I just want to know how you are...'

 

I didn't reply but caved in yesterday. I had a law clerk interview with the State Prosecution Department... and I was really stressed. She has classes in town so I just replied asking if she wanted to grab a coffee. She said ok and we met up after class. It was the worst decision to see her because although I was happy to see her, it was obviously 100 times much more painful.

 

We met for about an hour and a half where we just talked and sat in the park together. I have some family issues that she wanted to make sure I was ok with. It was a bit intense as she:

 

 

• played with my hair and I flicked my fingers through hers
  
• she helped tie my tie for me and buttoned up my shirt
  
• we were flirting as well
  
• we later went to a computer and she conveniently had her email open and I could see that she had not deleted any of my emails that I sent her just 2 months ago when she was in Europe
  
• She was wearing her bracelet and thought it was nice.convenient to remind me of the 3 charms that I bought for her by pointing them out and saying 'you bought this one.. this one.. this one.' >.<"
  

A few hours later, she texted saying that she was hoping I was ok. She also texted to me, "You can call or text me and I will wake up in the middle of the night just to try and make you feel better."

 

This is just tearing me apart. I don't understand how she could do this. She wants to be friends but this is way too intense and before NC commenced, I told her we shouldn't talk to each other (like she first suggested when she broke it off). Someone talk some sense into me please!

 

(FYI - There's a thread with the context to my breakup somewhere in the breakup section in case you wanted to read a novel haha)

Edited March 19, 2011 by fresh8

[IfiKnewThen]

i admit i didnt read your back story but i plan on it sooner or later, when i am not as busy as i am right now.

 

call me crazy, but from what i read now..she sounds like she is still interested. or acting that way. some people can be tormentors or not know they are doing things that could lead you on. maybe it's the way you told the story...but it sounds to me like she IS still interested.

 

also, dont beat yourself up for contacting her. this sounds still pretty raw and recent. we all tend to cave. sometimes its even appropriate.

 

in my mind i see it like this....

 

when she text you , you WERE ignoring her. when you needed her with the stress of a potential new job, you contacted her. she essentially you used her for your benefit to call when you were feeling a sense of needing her. this tells me that you are looking out for yourself. this is good. this is self preservation. not selfish.

 

you decided when you wanted or felt the need to talk to her. if you feel things arent getting better you can go N/C again.

 

dont beat yourself up. i dont know if it was tony robins or Abe Lincoln who said theres no good or bad but thinking makes it so. ok, there are some good and bad things, naturally. but the point IS there are 2 sides of the coin here and you might as well look at the good youre doing, and focus on that.

 

of course it hurts to see her. it hurts not to see her too. you will get back on track. and you will take it one day at a time again, and will manage what has happened and be happy again someday. you have to trust that, and work towards it.

[fresh8]

Thanks for the reply. I've been trying to move on and I've done so by deleting and getting rid of everything that reminds me of her. I even deleted her number so that I could not text her even if I wanted to (but that's redundant as she's the one who texts me).

 

I'm just worried that this would be a few steps back from my progess with NC. I was out meeting people and hanging out with friends and acquaintances and just focusing on myself. I miss her a lot and I still love her but I know that it's best to move on. However, the fact that she shows she still cares a lot about me really making it tougher to wrestle with the idea of moving on!

 

I don't think she is interested. I think a better word might be 'attached'. She is the clingy kind of girl and me being around is probably helping her heal.

[fresh8]

I got good news which is that I scored my dream job

[IfiKnewThen]

hey congratz!!!

[fresh8]

I got the biggest shock tonight. She sent me a message 'I miss you...' followed up 5 minutes later by, 'I'm sorry. I think I should stop texting you.'

 

I didn't reply the first time but replied to the second one: 'It's ok. Look after yourself tonight' because I'm pretty sure she's drinking...

[fresh8]

Does anyone have any advice on my situation?

 

I still have feelings for her and I want to talk to her in person about our feelings for each other. I don't know whether I should ask her to see me or to give her space now.

[mr.goodguy]

Hey fresh. I like your response to the text.

 

Give her space. Let her come to you. In the meantime work on yourself. If you do meet up at a later date DO NOT talk about your feelings for one another, don't bring it up. You need to connect to her on an emotional level. You could remind her of a past memory you shared that was extremely positive...don't mention anything about the relationship. Your goal isn't to convince her back but for her to be emotionally engage and therefore drawn to you.

 

Stay positive, smile, this is your life and you're gonna live it to the best you can with or without her. She doesn't hold the key to your happiness...you do!

[0hpenelope]

Hey fresh. I like your response to the text.

 

Give her space. Let her come to you. In the meantime work on yourself. If you do meet up at a later date DO NOT talk about your feelings for one another, don't bring it up. You need to connect to her on an emotional level. You could remind her of a past memory you shared that was extremely positive...don't mention anything about the relationship. Your goal isn't to convince her back but for her to be emotionally engage and therefore drawn to you.

 

Stay positive, smile, this is your life and you're gonna live it to the best you can with or without her. She doesn't hold the key to your happiness...you do!

Seconding this and emphasizing the point I agreed with the strongest.

[fresh8]

Thanks for the advice guys.

 

I'm just trying not to miss her too much. I still care a lot about her and I know she cares a lot about me too. And what makes it worse was that she said she was going to buy me lunch to celebrate my new job as she knows how much I wanted it (6 years of work!).

 

Edited March 20, 2011 by fresh8

[Hazel_eyes]

I don't know your back story and I don't know your girlfriend, but I think that you need to go with complete no contact. From just the bit I have read it sounds like she is playing with your emotions.

 

I know several girls, my sister included, who can't bare the thought of previous boyfriends moving on from them. My sister would break up with a guy then flirt up a storm with him, but then push him away when he wanted more, then reel him back in. Not because she wanted to be back with him, she just wanted to be the most desirable woman in his life. She is a very attractive girl and a master at flirting and making guys feel special. They almost always fall under her spell. She is married now, but she still does this with her ex boyfriends. It doesn't matter how many years it's been since they've been together or if they are in a new relationship. She says she knows it's wrong, she just wants to know that she was the most amazing girl in their life and can't bare the thought of someone else filling that spot. I know many girls like this, my husband's last girlfriend included. She does it with boyfriends all the way back to elementary school, and was furious when my husband cut off all contact when I came around. She did everything to reel him back in and went through heartbreak all over again because he didn't fall for it. She truly was just a memory, someone new had come along and was everything he wanted. This didn't sit well with her and generally doesn't for girls who think like this. We started dating 1 year after they broke up and she was engaged to a new guy, she didn't want to get back with him, she just wanted that spot in his heart.

 

I say all of that to say some girls play mind games, it helps them cope, the best thing you can do for yourself and them is remove all opportunity for this to occur and remove all contact. I don't understand why they do this, I am just repeating what I've heard through conversations. It is just what some women do and may or may not be what your ex is doing. Just be careful with your heart.

[fresh8]

Thanks Hazel_eyes. A few of my friends thinks that she feels the need for some attention and reassurance that I still care despite the fact I'm showing to her that I'm moving on.

 

Yes, I will be trying my best to keep strict no contact!

[fresh8]

No contact will be heaps easier now as she deleted me off Facebook.

 

I do think that it's for the best for both of us. I want to make sure she's ok but I am not gonna break NC for that. This is preferable as I don't think we can be friends after all we've been through.

 

The difference between me and her was that I always thought there was a possibility for us to be together. Obviously she did not think we could get over the final hurdle (her family) and thought it was best to part ways now rather than being broken up. I guess she knows her family better than me.

 

As much as I wish she would have given us one last chance to fight for us, I cannot blame her and I am trying to understand and accept her decision. And even though I am worried about how she is, I do know that that is not my area to be involved in anymore. I wish she knew what I was thinking but obviously, that may be redundant.

[Thatguyintx]

 

As much as I wish she would have given us one last chance to fight for us, I cannot blame her and I am trying to understand and accept her decision. And even though I am worried about how she is, I do know that that is not my area to be involved in anymore. I wish she knew what I was thinking but obviously, that may be redundant.

 

Very healthy, Fresh. You are at a place that most wish for. The understanding may not come, but the acceptance will. Strive more for the acceptance. Some things of the heart just cannot be understood!

[fresh8]

Very healthy, Fresh. You are at a place that most wish for. The understanding may not come, but the acceptance will. Strive more for the acceptance. Some things of the heart just cannot be understood!

 

Thanks man.

 

It's been a process. I've just had to make myself accept that it is over. We were in a pretty bad situation. As she even said, 'Our relationship was ****ed from the start.' She did apologize for what she said but as each day passes by, I do agree with it.

 

Every breakup is sad but I can proudly say that ours was 'happy' and 'mutual'. Seeing how much she still cares for me convinces me that she was being honest - I am the one that she loves so much and one that she cares more than anything else. Perhaps for that reason, she has decided to let go; because the hurt now won't be as much as if we were to date longer.

 

I believe that the ultimate show of love is to able to let go. And I am proud that both she and I have been able to do this. Part of me wants to be friends with her in the future. Let's see how I do.

 

Thanks for the support everyone!

[fresh8]

Ah, another post by me. Hope you all don't think I'm annoying.

 

She texted me saying that being friends is a lil weird - understandable as we saw eachother too soon after the breakup. I actually replied and asked if this is effectively goodbye forever or if we should try and be friends down the track. Her response was, 'maybe after a very long time.'

 

So my final text to her was: 'Look after yourself. If you ever need me, I'm one phone call away.'

 

I hope that it was not bad for me to text her back in the circumstances but I really wanted to let her know that I'm open to a friendship but obviously after giving each other a lot of space. Realistically though, I know that we probably won't ever be friends again. Ah well, such is life. Good thing is that this is the closure I really needed!

[IfiKnewThen]

hi fresh8 i am back from a little vacation time. anyway i got caught up on your thread.

 

once again i think this girl still wants you. again, i dont know the back story but here are some thought i am having as it concerns the here and now and the updates youre giving.

 

when she first text you and said, "i miss you", i believe she truly did, and had real second thoughts about the break up. (maybe even big time). and when she didnt hear from you, she then wanted to save face, figuring you were moving on just fine without her, and then she followed up with an i am sorry, i think i should stop texting you.

 

some women break up for various reasons and dont really want a break up but want to see how you feel about them and want you to pursue them and when you don't come running they get insecure , and then tell themselves this is why its better it ended. its almost self sabotaging and self prophesy. i dont know how old you guys are. not saying that matters a great deal. i was just thinking that either she is having serious second thoughts about not being with you and was trying to reach out a bit ,OR she was testing how far you'd go for her. i have no real evidence of this of course...its just a feeling or a possibility. anyway, i know you're trying to cope and move on. but if you have dialog with her again for any reason..i would tell her (if you care) that you do care for her, but respect her wishes and that you dont want to hurt her, but sometimes you just don't know where she is coming from. ok i just wanted to get that out there. i hope all is well with you otherwise.

[IfiKnewThen]

ps. when she said maybe you could be friends after a long time...

 

i ask myself why wouldnt she want to be friends now if she didnt care for you?

 

i think she still cares. it may not be enough however. of course not wanting to be friends and finding it weird could be that she wants total detachment and its still new (the break up)

 

but if she were so cavalier and didn't have romantic feelings for you..friends would be a cinch. or at least a possibility. and as 'friends" it could be that you are friendly. not pals talking every night.

 

i just feel she is not completely over you or wanting it over.

[fresh8]

Thanks for your reply IfiKnewThen!

 

Well, to put into context - we were in a secret relationship for nearly 9 months because her family broke us up as her parents were not willing to accept me as her boyfriend because her brother thinks that I am 'a bad guy' and a 'bad friend'. I also suspect another hurdle is because I'm not her nationality but I saw the biggest hurdle as her brother badmouthing me. She said she could not handle the sneaking around and fear of getting caught out. I asked for her to let me fight for us by confronting her brother/family but she seemed to think it was pointless plus blamed me for not doing it about 11 months ago (ridiculous as she was the one who would not let me go to her family or confront her brother). So that is the reason we are not together - the pressure got to her head and she says that she wants a 'normal relationship/family' when she is older.

 

This is the link to my threads if anyone was interested to read

 

Just after breakup: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t267310/

When we broke NC after like 2 days cause of my family issues: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t268165/

 

when she first text you and said, "i miss you", i believe she truly did, and had real second thoughts about the break up.

I have no doubt about that either. We were texting and she had just said she would love to celebrate my new job by having lunch and I even joked, 'ur paying!' and she agreed by saying 'I'd love to.' Her 'I miss you' came soon after and she realised she made a mistake. I was driving at the time and was thinking whether I should tell her I missed her too... but given everything that's happened I did not think it was wise. She made it easier for me not to reply by sending me the other text about 5 minutes later.

 

i dont know how old you guys are. not saying that matters a great deal. i was just thinking that either she is having serious second thoughts about not being with you and was trying to reach out a bit ,OR she was testing how far you'd go for her. i have no real evidence of this of course...its just a feeling or a possibility. anyway, i know you're trying to cope and move on. but if you have dialog with her again for any reason..i would tell her (if you care) that you do care for her, but respect her wishes and that you dont want to hurt her, but sometimes you just don't know where she is coming from. ok i just wanted to get that out there. i hope all is well with you otherwise.

She's 19, I'm 22.

 

I've told her all of that already re: how much I care about her and have a second chance. At the time, she did not see it as a possibility. The reason I asked to have lunch was to see her in person and maybe trigger a reaction out of her. I feel like I have done enough pleading for her to give us a second shot and if we were to try again - it'd have to be at her suggestion.

 

i just feel she is not completely over you or wanting it over.

I definitely believe she's not over me and seeing me 3.5 weeks after breaking up was too soon and I think gave her a reality check that we were indeed broken up. The way she acted around me last week showed me she still cared a lot.

 

And I agree - she just wants to get over it all as she does not think we'd ever be able to be together. I don't want to push her and make myself beg and plead for her to be with me as she made it clear that she did not think it'd ever work out. Her intentions are clear that she wants to move on and I think she realized that being friends is going to be harder than she thought.

 

I really appreciated your comments/thoughts and taking the time to read my story. I'm trying to cope and move on. I'm still really upset about it. I'm gutted because I asked her out about a year before we actually started dating and her brother had stepped in at the time to force us not to see each other for 8 months. It was after those 8 months we bumped into each other and eventually got together down the track. I always felt that we were something special given our history. I did tell her I thought we had something rare and hard to find. She told me she did not agree. That's when I decided to start and try get over her. Whether she said that out of frustration (she later apologized but no idea if it included that comment) or if she really meant it - I may never know

Edited March 22, 2011 by fresh8

[fresh8]

And just one final quick note: I did a lot more for this girl than anyone in my entire life. I put my own relationship with my own parents at risk to fight for her. Maybe I'm hurting because she did not want to do the same? Although granted she did at the beginning but I thought that there would be a time where I'd have a better shot at convincing her family that I was good for their daughter which would be uh... now? Since I'm nearly finished my degree and got my dream job...

 

It may sound weird but I was so much more hurt that I lost her than when my sister decided to leave our family just after my breakup (well, maybe I was just more pissed off at my sister than actually being sad). My ex meant so much to me that I felt that she was really someone I could spend the rest of my life with. I truly do not think it's me overreacting to the breakup and that I did have a connection with her that I have never had with any ex or potential partners.

 

The butterflies I got when I first met her 3 years ago still exist today. It was never a coincidence that we have liked each other at numerous stages of us knowing each other and eventually got together. Everyone saw it coming. If I could get a second chance, I'd let her right back in my life. But the possibility of that may be impossible as she's decided to walk away. I just did not think it was appropriate to tell her that I missed her too - maybe I was just too scared of her using that as a reason to stop talking to me again (although that is the final result regardless)

 

I hope you got some words to make me feel better IfiKnewThen. I really need a pick me up!

Edited March 22, 2011 by fresh8

[IfiKnewThen]

hi again fresh8. the only words i have come from what i am thinking of course. and all i keep thinking is, you dont have any support system on your side from her family or maybe friends too. for some reason they think certain things. i know it could be prejudice thinking OR you had a reputation of some sort, or the combo of the 2. parents of females can be protective, i know. (rightfully so when you really think about)

 

 

but the question is , are they right about you? in this whole entire case, i think it was very important that they saw your softer side. that you guys didn't hide from them. that you asked them their wishes ...like what time should i have her back home. that you interacted with the family, even when she wasn't in the same room.

 

her brother probably chased you away at one point or was firm with her or contacted you to stay away, and then they of course felt disrespected when you didn't. but here's the thing. if she came home with all good stories about you and not heartbreak....or if she thought all your attention was for her and her only (aka she didn't see you talking to girls in the neighborhood...looking like your might be interested in them....etc, etc), she would have brought back good vies to her family about you.

 

 

and again, i know you wanted to meet them but she must have known their adversity towards you. but it seems no one tried to overcome the adversity here in any real measure.

 

honestly, i would give it one last try then go N/C. i would write a note/email, not worrying about "my feelings" and just be me and say (this is if it were me here).....

 

and say something a long these lines: " i am really sorry you're not in my life, like we were before. i miss you too. i know you're a good , decent person and you made me very happy. i feel i let you down and didn't make you quite as happy as you made me.

 

(side not here for you fresh8 before i continue...quote: I did tell her I thought we had something rare and hard to find. She told me she did not agree) this is why i think saying: "i feel i let you down and didnt make you quite as happy as you made me" is an appropriate thing to say.

 

then i would continue by saying... i wish i know what i did directly to let you down because i would do my best to repair that if i could. i am sorry too that i didnt really get to know your family or take a chance and allow them to get to know the REAL ME either. i would have loved for their to be unity and acceptance among us all. i would have loved to make your life easier in any measure with them. if i ever came across and not caring about you or if i ever hurt you i am deeply sorry. you are worth so much more to me than playing games or hiding my feelings for you. if we could do it over again and do it right this time, i would be a willing party. we dont have to go full steam ahead. we could take it slow. i know your young and your parents would want to see you have a rich full life before getting really involved or settling down. we are both still young. do you think there is any compromise you and your family would make with me to open up the lines of communication, so there can be trust between us and a new healthy start?

 

 

honestly, you may think this sounds corny or not possible. but i think this is the only thing...in the end, beside or in addition to keeping your distance that will help start anew.

 

the pressure with ehr family and maybe experience some things that she feels she struggled with in the relationship might have made her throw her hands up in the air. she IS very young, in the grand scheme of living a FULL life.

 

it may not even matter that you are another nationality/race. it sounds like her parents and protective brother really think she is way too young and of course didnt like the sneaking around. really dont feel bad when i say this but you have to see their side of things. i understand yours too. you really have come to like her alot. yeah your ego is wounded. and its a good thing in a sense. these things make us stronger and better people asking ourselves what could we have done better. now i am NOT saying you are the culprit at all. i am saying there are a lot of obstacles here and yes, youth is one of them and so is time and learning. there may be another time in life for the two of you. but gradually you would have to win the confidence of the family............(they dont have to like or love you but they can BELIEVE in you) and you have to get her confidence back too.

 

most people think, oh if they know they have you they wont want you. this is NOT every case and should not be thought of like that. if i thought a guy didnt want me and my family didnt like him and he and i had some issues, there would be no reason for me to logically think he is the guy for me.

 

anyway sorry to go on. i know youre young, but now would be time time to read this cool relationship book called men are from mars and women are from venus. its really insightful about how the 2 sexes think differently or repsond different ways of being treated.

 

keep growing from this and do NOT be ashamed of it. pride and 50 cents wont get you on a bus, when you want to land a person you think worth it.

 

i am not saying throw yourself at her. i am saying give honest loving communication before you go N/C. you will be satisfied you tried. not stalk or grovel. but reasonably tried. if you feel you already did this or its too much for you, then just read that book for the next relation or read mars and venus on a date.

 

most girls like gentlemen who make them feel special.

 

and yes i think she does miss you and cares, but logic is dictating other messages to her now.

[IfiKnewThen]

ps i admit i have to read your whole back story and didnt get to do that yet. but i am going from your general synopsis of the situation that is currently here. and it seems like this might be a plan. even if she doesn't go back with you...maybe you will feel good about trying or she will remember your kind last attempt when she is older and you can pick it up from there someday.

 

this doesnt sound like the game playing type of situation though whereas you dont talk to her and she comes running back to you.

 

and N/C will be when you know you did your best and you cant do reasonably anymore and so you work on yourself and get healed, and move forward and do better in the next relationship...or in life in general.

[fresh8]

Wow, thanks for your very insightful reply.

 

I've just woken up and spent the past hour thinking about what you have written. I would love to write to her and tell her but I feel like if I did - I would just be like a broken record as I've done it twice already... sort of.

 

It may be too much to ask of you but can you have a quick look at my past threads and see if you got the same suggestion after reading them? I just feel like I've already asked her and to ask again would be too much.

 

I know that she is from a very very cultured family. They are very strict and very traditional. I don't believe they allow their children to marry outside of their nationality. In fact, her brother had girlfriends of different nationality before and I was told that he knew not to get serious with them.

 

I think that I've done everything possible without her hating me or thinking that I am stalking her. I really am ok right now and feeling a lot better about everything. This morning, I didn't miss her. These past few weeks, I've met with old friends and made a ton of new ones.

 

As I said, I love your proposed plan. You are the only one who has suggested it. My girl friends are telling me left, right, center to ignore her and move on. They say that I've done all that I can and that I deserve much more and can get much better. I appreciate that you are telling me to contact her and tell her how I feel.

 

However, to put it all in perspective and reality, I think that I have done everything that I could have reasonably done. I really do not think telling her that I miss her would change anything. Reality stinks and it is always hard to move on and let go but this is the right time to graciously bow out...

 

As I said though, if you could have a quick look at at least my second thread here (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t268165/) to see if your advice still stands... then I would really appreciate it. If you don't have the time, don't worry about it.

Edited March 22, 2011 by fresh8

[IfiKnewThen]

hi fresh8. i am now going to read your back story. i am very sorry but when i wrote those posts to you i was getting 2 stories crossed... yours and someone else's

 

i am sorry:o

 

i was overtired and knew your story but for some reason i was thinking of this other guy on LS who wasnt showing the girl how he felt. anyway has anyone on here ever gotten their thoughts crossed? yikes i cant believe that happened to me

 

anway..going to read the back story and then get back to you.

[IfiKnewThen]

ok i read the whole back story.

 

you know how they say advise is something we ask for when we already know the answer and wish we didnt?

 

i think you had it right the first time, when you asked in your first thread: "should I make friends with the brother and apologize to him, then try to be friends with the parents and stay friends with her..." (something like that)

 

i think that was the best idea. THEN if that didnt work out....go N/C for your sanity and to heal and move forward. I hate when people say "move on" (at least so soon...the heart takes time to repair...and moving FORWARD for yourself is best and it minimizes the whole relationship when someone flippantly says move on.)

 

anyway dont mean to digress here.

 

my first advise still stands. she was 16 when you met and you were 20. that IS young. she was still a baby. its true. so naturally, the brother was a bit freaked out, in the beginning. please try to look at it that way. it will be more beneficial to you in the end.

 

and you and the brother were friends initially (on the job). so, he felt betrayed. plus, you had the added stress of cultural differences and practices.

 

i dont know the background and you don't have to say. its not necessary. i was thinking this is an Asian family. it doesn't even matter really. there are families out there who have strict religious beliefs and its not even a cultural thing per sa, and they don't think religions should mix, let alone cultures. but some are more strict than others about things.

 

change can only come from being respectful and acceptably and lovingly persistent or consistent. again, there was no REAL PROACTIVE measures to get to know the family and the family know you. i do believe this absolutely put pressure on her. a young girl who wants to please her family and be accepted in her culture. but i think you could start to get to know the family and them know you. (aka your first own suggestion)

 

i realize there are many family members. she said to you "even if my immediate family (parents) get to like and know you, i have all my OTHER family." so, she didnt want her family to face persecution from other family members. wow, this was a lot for her to handle and manage. and in the interim she STILL had them telling her to get away from you. she was probably relieved to not have their pressure anymore. but i am sure she still misses you. is she still "in love" with you? i don't know. i think she is compartmentalizing it in her mind that you belong as a friend. but then she still feels pressure with a friendship (since her family worries about it). plus she doesn't want to give in to you via friendship becoming romance again. or she is back to square one. so now friendship is not an option for her in her minds eye, perhaps. (if she is thinking like this)

 

the ONLY way here is telling her you understand , but still love her. be honest that it hurts you but you know understand the predicament. then ask her honestly if her feelings have really changed in the interim, just so you know. then ask her if you can at least try to make a mends with her brother and family. just because YOU want to. i would try to do that.....at least with her brother...no matter what.

 

always be nice to her if you encounter her. dont keep texting her or anything. but acknowledge her once and a while. and ask her to understand your predicament too here. so that when you dont reply sometimes, it just because your heart is bruised and you dont know what to do sometimes. the truth will and does set you free...in the long run.

 

i see she blocked you on her Face Book. either she is trying to help herself, or hiding something. hiding from her family, you or both. maybe there is a young man that her family introduced her to in her culture to help her bridge the gap, in getting away from you.

 

at 16, she didn't seem to want or be ready to get into a relationship but went with it, with the aid of your influences. she is older now, but still VERY young by any cultural circumstances in the 21st century.

 

but in this century you can still bridge the gap of misunderstanding into understanding. let them all get to know you. tell them you understand and didnt ever want harm. minimal effective dialog over time with the family can possibly make a difference. i see that as your only avenue at this time with this particular situation.

 

also, you said you rarely fought. when you did what was it mostly about? the family not wanting this relationship? or something else too?

 

i think handyman02 had a point too, when he said how you treat their daughter is all that should matter to them. BUT in reality their culture matters too. but you must treat her right. well treat anyone you love right. then if you part, its their loss.

 

see what you can do, and then go N/C. i see you were managing and doing fairly well with that.

 

my philosophy has always been do all you can then go N/C. i am not talking about being annoying or groveling. i am talking about being truthful and mature and real and letting a person know they are loved and missed. and that you want to make things right..but that love and cooperation work better.

 

if you hit too many stone walls, walk away. some are harder to scale than others. but some get scaled. you try your best then move forward.