brashgal Posted October 11, 2003 Share Posted October 11, 2003 brief history: My ex-husband moved out this past summer. He was having an affair with a woman he works with, it was on-again, off-again and I finally had enough, issued the ultimatum "me or her" and he moved out. We have kids, he is trying to be a participatory parent and we are finally relating fairly well as long as we stay on the topic of kids and stay out of each others personal lives. problem: One of the kids has an event where we will both be present and so will the other woman. Although I realize I should blame my ex-husband for our breakup, I still become very angry when I think about her and what she has done to our family. I'm not sure I can face her in a public forum without acting inappropriately. I know I will be talking to others I have not seen since the breakup in a social setting, some may know, some may not know. Part of me wants to avoid dangerous subjects altogether, part of me wants to humiliate her and implicate her as the other woman. I don't think they have been open about their relationship so this probably could be damaging. I keep telling myself this will only reflect badly on me. I just need some tips as to what to say or how to behave to get through the 2 hours without causing a scene. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyX Posted October 11, 2003 Share Posted October 11, 2003 Just keep thinking of your kids and hold your tongue. I know it's hard, but you wouldn't want to embarrass your kids. Link to post Share on other sites
VASH THE STAMPEDE Posted October 11, 2003 Share Posted October 11, 2003 Don't look her way and stay in the clear .She's possibly anticipating for some trouble from you at this meet.If it gives you satisfaction you may imply to your friends about her (close friends). That you trust. Link to post Share on other sites
befuddled1 Posted October 11, 2003 Share Posted October 11, 2003 First of all, I think it's in extremely poor taste of your husband to take her with him to this event, knowing full well that you're obviously going to be there, obviously knowing full well how awkward and hurtful it's going to be for you. He is obviously a selfish dick. On top of that, he's not considering the feelings of his children. How are the children going to feel about Dad being there with her? It could really upset them a great deal...especially if this is the first gathering where both of you, although not together, will be there in honor of the kids. As for your anger toward her, now keep in mind that I surely don't condone infidelity and I think that spouses who cheat and break up families are pondscum...but how do you know for sure that she was really aware of things? I mean, maybe he was telling her all kinds of lies, to make her think that your marriage was over, that you were both separated, that he was "only staying for the kids" or the numerous other pathetic excuses men give to their mistresses? Maybe she just bought all his crap and had she known it wasn't the truth, she wouldn't have given him the time of day? Your best move is to go out and buy a stunning outfit, get yourself dolled up (but not too dolled up) and do you best to keep a smile on your face, even if you have to fake it. Have class and composure and don't for a minute let him or her think you're uncomfortable or angry. They're so not worth it. Be gracious and chatty and sociable with everyone else, smile lots, laugh, act like you're having a great old time. That being said, you shouldn't have to actually speak with him or her. You're there for your children. If the kids want to go up to him and her and talk to them, fine, but you don't have to have anythign to do with them. I'm not sure what ages your children are but maybe you could sit them down beforehand and just let them know that you won't be socializing with their Dad but that you surely don't mind if they do. If it were me, I'd find the most attractive guy I could find and I'd take him along.....now wouldn't that be fun! :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Nostalghia Posted October 11, 2003 Share Posted October 11, 2003 Originally posted by befuddled1 .... If it were me, I'd find the most attractive guy I could find and I'd take him along.....now wouldn't that be fun! :-) I'm free! Link to post Share on other sites
cindy0039 Posted October 11, 2003 Share Posted October 11, 2003 If this couple is now divorced and this is the guy's girlfriend, he has every right to bring her to events with him. Sure he didn't have a right to sleep with her while he was still married, but that's in the past and this is the present. I think the best way to handle the situation is with class and maturity. Put a smile on your face and talk to your friends, your kids, or whoever you want to. If you don't want to deal with her, then don't. No need to be rude to either her or your ex though, because you're right, that does make you look bad. There's also no reason to talk about her to others, especially at this event. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brashgal Posted October 11, 2003 Author Share Posted October 11, 2003 thanks - this helps. Yes, both are divorced now although I'll bet it will come as a surprise to some attendees. The kids already know her but think she is just a friend, I don't know that they'll think twice. I'm the one getting weird about it and you are right, it isn't worth it. ...and to the guy from the Great White North, you may want to wait to brave the Suburban Southwest but depending how this event goes, I may need you for a future appearance. Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted October 11, 2003 Share Posted October 11, 2003 i just want to add that i am sorry that your husband did this to you. i will have you know that what goes around, ALWAYS comes around and i dont care if that is the past, i think he has poor taste to bring a lady that he cheated on you and your children with, to this event. shame on him. dont worry, he will get whats coming Link to post Share on other sites
Author brashgal Posted October 11, 2003 Author Share Posted October 11, 2003 I had heard that a relationship like theirs that was based upon deceit (both were cheating on spouses) would soon end either because it was no longer fun since they don't have to sneak around or for other reasons (how can they totally trust each other - they were both lying to their spouses). Granted it has only been a few months and I don't really know the whole story but they still appear to be together. That has been a frustration to me - they seem to be moving right along with their lives while I was derailed. I guess time will tell. The event is next weekend. In thinking about it, I need to be respectful of her children also since two of them will be there. So you see she'll be there for her kids, not just for my ex. What a mess, huh? Link to post Share on other sites
Fancy Posted October 11, 2003 Share Posted October 11, 2003 Smile, be polite, and keep your lips zipped to her and everyone else. Show your ex, his new girlfriend, and everyone else how classy you are. Let them be the asses, not you. It might feel great momentarily to make a scene, but how would you feel afterwards? Take the high road on this one, even if it kills you. Remember: Cream always rises to the top. Link to post Share on other sites
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