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I feel like emotionally I have hit a wall.

I have done everything in my power to get over him - moved away for a bit; made new friends; set goals; thrown myself into my work etc.

but I am still in love with him. It has been close to 6 months now. I just do not know how to move forward. Yes I am better than before, but I have been like this for the past 3 months. I am fully functioning and even enjoy things - but not like I did before. I miss him terribly and think about him all the time still.

What can I do?

Thanks for your help LS

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proactivedreamer

It seems like you need more time. Keep doing what you are doing and you will see that you will be over him soon enough. I am struggling with getting over my ex just as well but give yourself more time and you will see that you be okay. Keep smiling :)

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i know i know its just that is has been almost 6 months and I am still not even close to being over him - just learning what it is like to live without him...and it sucks!

i am beginning to accept that my life will just be a little less enjoyable than it was before. and it sucks to know that.

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I don't recall anyone saying there's a time limit on getting over someone. Same as there isn't a time limit for how long you can be with someone before you fall in love with them. These things just happen and we have to accept them.

 

I accepted a few months back that I still was very much in love with my ex and that instead of trying to force myself to get over it, I would just carry on with my life. All the feelings are still there but I just keep going, doing what I would normally do. I think people who try to force out these feelings often end up focusing on them too much and that makes matters worse.

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It sucks feeling low. I know the feeling TOO well :( unfortunately. Well to be honest I know that the outcome will be/is a great life lesson but the pain is just hard to deal with. When you're feeling low try to do something to distract yourself, maybe talk to a family member? Listen to up-beat songs (I've been doing that and it has helped haha -I'm currently listening to 'Backwoods by Justin Moore'-. It sucks but just feel the pain for a bit then tell yourself to move on. It's a slow process but know that there is a light in the end of the tunnel. Life is too short, crazily short, make the most of it... before you know it 10 years will have gone by. Make the best of the time NOW! :) Best wishes to you!

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silvermane187

I'm in the same boat. 5 months after the fact and I still don't see my feelings for her going anywhere. How long were you guys together? I keep hearing it takes at least half the length of the relationship to really get over someone you loved. That leaves me with another year to go. Although I believe I'll never eally get over it, just get used to it to the point where it doesn't bum me out. The worst part is waking up thinking about her every single day. It's a real challenge to remain optomistic when you have that hanging over your head every morning.:(

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How long were you guys together? I keep hearing it takes at least half the length of the relationship to really get over someone you loved

Oh dear, going by that I have another 3 years 10 months!:confused:

 

I believe I'll never eally get over it, just get used to it to the point where it doesn't bum me out The worst part is waking up thinking about her every single day. It's a real challenge to remain optomistic when you have that hanging over your head every morning.:(

 

I'm with you there. I'd invested all my love in her, really thought she was the one. Even down to plans to propose on a holiday that we were planning for this year. we'd had 8 great years, what could go wrong? Then, to wake up, open your eyes and look across to where she'd been every morning for years and find that space empty, really doesn't help you remain optomistic for the coming day and something you can't over come easily. I, like you, think that love will never die and that I'll have to come to terms with it rather than tackle it.

 

There really is no set time for all of this and we are all different. I think we all have to live with the way our brains are wired and proceed to do the best we can for our own health and sanity.

 

There is no right or wrong when it comes to healing our broken hearts, only forwards and back, and as long as we can all continue to face forwards, I think eventually, we'll all be alright.

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I feel like emotionally I have hit a wall.

I have done everything in my power to get over him - moved away for a bit; made new friends; set goals; thrown myself into my work etc.

but I am still in love with him. It has been close to 6 months now. I just do not know how to move forward. Yes I am better than before, but I have been like this for the past 3 months. I am fully functioning and even enjoy things - but not like I did before. I miss him terribly and think about him all the time still.

What can I do?

Thanks for your help LS

 

I feel exactly the same. I changed jobs, really busy with school, and overall things are going pretty well. But 7 months after break up, 3 months of NC, and I am nowhere near being over him. I feel pathetic and ridiculous. Yes, I am still in love with my ex, and although devastation of early stages of break up is gone, that constant missing him and feeling of emptiness are just not going away.

I don't know what to do. I feel like something is wrong with me.

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brokendreamz

I folded - just couldn't handle it. Went to the doc for some pills! 3 days in and although the pain is still there it's sort of pushed to the back of my mind and weirdly when I begin to think about her I have difficulty focussing on what before I became obsessed about!

 

Now - I HATE taking any form of medication; don't take paracetamol for headaches etc and the thought of putting any chemical in my body repulses me but to be fair, I am able to start looking forward with this **** inside me!

 

I think I will finish the course, carry on with my therapist and hopefully come the summer be in a much better place.

 

My God! If you'd have told me 3 months ago that by now I would have lost my Fiance, 2 stone in weight, our house (for sale) be on anti depressants, talking to a therapist and spending hours on a bloody forum I would have thought you were mad!! It's really taught me a few lessons, not least of which is 'yesterday's history - tomorrow's a mystery' I am really trying to seize the day every day now!

 

Good luck everyone :0)

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I keep hearing it takes at least half the length of the relationship to really get over someone you loved.

 

I really think the myth that any formula can possibly determine the length of a heartbreak needs to be debunked! Don't believe them!

 

I folded - just couldn't handle it. Went to the doc for some pills! 3 days in and although the pain is still there it's sort of pushed to the back of my mind and weirdly when I begin to think about her I have difficulty focussing on what before I became obsessed about!

 

Now - I HATE taking any form of medication; don't take paracetamol for headaches etc and the thought of putting any chemical in my body repulses me but to be fair, I am able to start looking forward with this **** inside me!

 

I've been debating taking this route for months, and this is no life feeling so hopeless and scared every day. I'd rather be a dribbling zombie than feeling this! (I know that's a gross exaggeration of the effects of anti-depressents!)

 

I'm similar to you and don't like resorting to medication, but I'm feeling it would be a relief just to feel numb from all of this. I might have to visit my doctor, we shouldn't be afraid of resorting to extra help if needed.

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silvermane187

I would love to resort to meds but I need a clean (at least on paper) bill of mental health for the profession I'm chasing. You guys should totally take advantage of any medication a doctor prescribes to you.

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meds was not really the route i wanted to take.

i am just concerned because the length of time i have spent over this breakup is going over 1/2 a year - i just do not want to waste my life away feeling like this. but at the same time i know i can not help how i feel :(

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Thatguyintx

Feeling for you, OP. In the same boat, six months out and still have that gnawing feeling for her. It sounds like you are doing all the right things. And everyone here has echoed what I have been told over and over again. Time will heal. And there is no time limit as to when healing has to occur. Everyone has their own timeframe.

 

Just know that you are not the only one. That thought has kept me going when I started feeling like this is taking too long. I would start feeling like I was "weird" for not healing fast enough. And then you discover there are MANY others in the same condition. AH! Not so different after all.

 

Keep living and when it gets hard, keep posting.

 

Peace.

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thanks so much for the support. you are right, it does help to know that there is not something wrong with me and that others feel the same way.

 

@thatgirlintx - do you still hope that she will call?/ are you doing all the things to move on but in your heart are still waiting for her? because i am stuck in that state.

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Thatguyintx

Do I still hope she will call? No, not at this point. I realize it would really cause issues with my healing.

 

Let me explain where I do get stuck though. There are two sides to dealing with the breakup. The rational (thinking) side and the emotional (feeling) side. My rational side accepted long ago this relationship wouldn't work out. I have spent several months trying to get my rational and emotional sides to agree. My emotional side is still hanging on, while my rational side is saying "run Forrest run!" Everyday, they come closer to agreement.

 

You will get past this. Don't get stuck on other people's timeframes. Work on you and reclaim your identity. The sun will come up. (As I say this, an awesome sun rise is happening here.)

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That makes sense. And good luck with your healing. I am confident that one day they will meet up for you.

Im still stuck in the fact that I am still waiting and wishing for him to call.

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Thatguyintx

I promise it will change for you as well. But it doesn't come on anyone else's timeframe.

 

Keep on keeping on. Fake it till you make it. Just move on. (Whatever cliche you can use to keep yourself moving forward! Me, I fake till I make it.)

 

Blessings to you. This journey is tough, isn't it?

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this timeframe sucks!

 

and ya ive tried faking it for the last 6 months...still have not made it :(

 

the hardest journey i have every had to take and the sad part is im hoping it will lead right back to the beginning.

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Thatguyintx

 

the hardest journey i have every had to take and the sad part is im hoping it will lead right back to the beginning.

 

I am right there with you. This is the most I have ever been affected by a failed relationship.

 

During this six months, what have you learned about you? How have you treated yourself?

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Guys, guys, it took me over 3 years to heal from an intense 10-month relationship. So don't worry if your progress is slow. As long as there is progress, you'll eventually get there.

 

I've heard of a formula, too, about how long it should take to recover, and I also thought like, ok, by November 2007 I should be over this - lol - that didn't happen..

 

I kept busy and those 3+ years were very productive and interesting; although I was lonely/empty/hurting most of the time back then, it's not what characterizes those years for me now. Strange, but because I was hurt, I felt the joys even more keenly. I smile when I look back on those years; I pulled through. You will too.

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while i commend you for that, i honestly do not think i can take another 2 and 1/2 years of feeling like this. if that is what my life will be like then what is the point? it needs to get better. something has to be done.

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I hope something will change for you soon, NWN. Just know you're not alone in this. I too am waiting to wake up in the morning and not to think of him anymore. This break up is the hardest in my life - 2 years together, 7 months over, and I feel this nightmare will never end, and what am I going to do if I will feel like this forever.

 

It is just so very sad, and my heart goes out to everyone in the same position.

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willowthewisp
while i commend you for that, i honestly do not think i can take another 2 and 1/2 years of feeling like this. if that is what my life will be like then what is the point? it needs to get better. something has to be done.

 

Nowwhatnow, this is exactly how I feel too. My ex of nearly 20 years left right after we booked our wedding, 2 years ago. I still wake up everyday and my thoughts turn to him. 2 years for goodness sakes, it's exhausting!

 

I too have done and am doing everything I can, I've gone back to school and got a graduate law degree and am finishing up my professional training now. I've joined sports clubs, taken up a new sport, go out with friends, dinner, clubs, bars, movies, shopping, I started dating again etc etc. I've also had IC.

 

I just don't know what else to do? I can't stand the thought of having to feel like this the rest of my life, two years of it has been more than enough.

 

Sorry to thread jack, I feel for you. I really do. Anyone? How do we get past this and get to the point where they no longer factor in our thoughts at all?

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My ex of nearly 20 years left right after we booked our wedding, 2 years ago. I still wake up everyday and my thoughts turn to him. 2 years for goodness sakes, it's exhausting!

Wow 20 yrs is a damn long time so please don't be so hard on yourself. There is a lot of memories and attachment you have and that will undoubtedly need time for you to wean off them.

 

Like many here, I feel like I've hit a brick wall sometimes. It was 5 yrs of my life wasted and it's been 9mos after the breakup. I was doing so well with NC until he emailed me a confession letter recently saying that he cheated on me during the last few mos of our rel. This completely wrecked me and I feel like I'm back at square one. I really worked SO hard during NC. I was out all the time partying, and had a makeover and was meeting guys and got so much attention. And now after this letter I don't know what happened, I'm just not in the mood anymore. To know that someone you trusted your heart to betray you and throw you away like yesterday's lunch is very, very painful.

 

While I know I will get over this b/c I have gotten over my first love (that took me 3 yrs), I just don't want these feelings to drag on. I am planning to get my own place soon and not have a roomate and I don't know if I can handle being alone! I feel like these thoughts will totally consume me! Maybe I should move back with my mom for a while? What do you guys think? Would it be difficult to live alone while being heartbroken? I swear I was doing so well before with NC. I feel so defeated sometimes. Some days I feel fine but like the ppl here have mentioned, there's just a hole in my heart and I feel souless sometimes.

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