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Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

 
 
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Old 16th March 2011, 2:49 AM   #1
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Question stuck

I feel like emotionally I have hit a wall.
I have done everything in my power to get over him - moved away for a bit; made new friends; set goals; thrown myself into my work etc.
but I am still in love with him. It has been close to 6 months now. I just do not know how to move forward. Yes I am better than before, but I have been like this for the past 3 months. I am fully functioning and even enjoy things - but not like I did before. I miss him terribly and think about him all the time still.
What can I do?
Thanks for your help LS
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Old 16th March 2011, 2:57 AM   #2
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It seems like you need more time. Keep doing what you are doing and you will see that you will be over him soon enough. I am struggling with getting over my ex just as well but give yourself more time and you will see that you be okay. Keep smiling
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Old 16th March 2011, 3:21 AM   #3
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i know i know its just that is has been almost 6 months and I am still not even close to being over him - just learning what it is like to live without him...and it sucks!
i am beginning to accept that my life will just be a little less enjoyable than it was before. and it sucks to know that.
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Old 16th March 2011, 3:22 AM   #4
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I don't recall anyone saying there's a time limit on getting over someone. Same as there isn't a time limit for how long you can be with someone before you fall in love with them. These things just happen and we have to accept them.

I accepted a few months back that I still was very much in love with my ex and that instead of trying to force myself to get over it, I would just carry on with my life. All the feelings are still there but I just keep going, doing what I would normally do. I think people who try to force out these feelings often end up focusing on them too much and that makes matters worse.
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Old 16th March 2011, 3:29 AM   #5
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While that is true, I am not trying to force it as much as I am just sick of feeling this way
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Old 16th March 2011, 3:42 AM   #6
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It sucks feeling low. I know the feeling TOO well unfortunately. Well to be honest I know that the outcome will be/is a great life lesson but the pain is just hard to deal with. When you're feeling low try to do something to distract yourself, maybe talk to a family member? Listen to up-beat songs (I've been doing that and it has helped haha -I'm currently listening to 'Backwoods by Justin Moore'-. It sucks but just feel the pain for a bit then tell yourself to move on. It's a slow process but know that there is a light in the end of the tunnel. Life is too short, crazily short, make the most of it... before you know it 10 years will have gone by. Make the best of the time NOW! Best wishes to you!
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Old 16th March 2011, 8:58 AM   #7
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I'm in the same boat. 5 months after the fact and I still don't see my feelings for her going anywhere. How long were you guys together? I keep hearing it takes at least half the length of the relationship to really get over someone you loved. That leaves me with another year to go. Although I believe I'll never eally get over it, just get used to it to the point where it doesn't bum me out. The worst part is waking up thinking about her every single day. It's a real challenge to remain optomistic when you have that hanging over your head every morning.
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Old 16th March 2011, 9:36 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silvermane187 View Post
How long were you guys together? I keep hearing it takes at least half the length of the relationship to really get over someone you loved
Oh dear, going by that I have another 3 years 10 months!

Quote:
Originally Posted by silvermane187 View Post
I believe I'll never eally get over it, just get used to it to the point where it doesn't bum me out The worst part is waking up thinking about her every single day. It's a real challenge to remain optomistic when you have that hanging over your head every morning.
I'm with you there. I'd invested all my love in her, really thought she was the one. Even down to plans to propose on a holiday that we were planning for this year. we'd had 8 great years, what could go wrong? Then, to wake up, open your eyes and look across to where she'd been every morning for years and find that space empty, really doesn't help you remain optomistic for the coming day and something you can't over come easily. I, like you, think that love will never die and that I'll have to come to terms with it rather than tackle it.

There really is no set time for all of this and we are all different. I think we all have to live with the way our brains are wired and proceed to do the best we can for our own health and sanity.

There is no right or wrong when it comes to healing our broken hearts, only forwards and back, and as long as we can all continue to face forwards, I think eventually, we'll all be alright.
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Old 16th March 2011, 5:40 PM   #9
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Same here

Quote:
Originally Posted by nowwhatnow View Post
I feel like emotionally I have hit a wall.
I have done everything in my power to get over him - moved away for a bit; made new friends; set goals; thrown myself into my work etc.
but I am still in love with him. It has been close to 6 months now. I just do not know how to move forward. Yes I am better than before, but I have been like this for the past 3 months. I am fully functioning and even enjoy things - but not like I did before. I miss him terribly and think about him all the time still.
What can I do?
Thanks for your help LS
I feel exactly the same. I changed jobs, really busy with school, and overall things are going pretty well. But 7 months after break up, 3 months of NC, and I am nowhere near being over him. I feel pathetic and ridiculous. Yes, I am still in love with my ex, and although devastation of early stages of break up is gone, that constant missing him and feeling of emptiness are just not going away.
I don't know what to do. I feel like something is wrong with me.
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Old 16th March 2011, 6:00 PM   #10
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I folded - just couldn't handle it. Went to the doc for some pills! 3 days in and although the pain is still there it's sort of pushed to the back of my mind and weirdly when I begin to think about her I have difficulty focussing on what before I became obsessed about!

Now - I HATE taking any form of medication; don't take paracetamol for headaches etc and the thought of putting any chemical in my body repulses me but to be fair, I am able to start looking forward with this **** inside me!

I think I will finish the course, carry on with my therapist and hopefully come the summer be in a much better place.

My God! If you'd have told me 3 months ago that by now I would have lost my Fiance, 2 stone in weight, our house (for sale) be on anti depressants, talking to a therapist and spending hours on a bloody forum I would have thought you were mad!! It's really taught me a few lessons, not least of which is 'yesterday's history - tomorrow's a mystery' I am really trying to seize the day every day now!

Good luck everyone :0)
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Old 16th March 2011, 8:21 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silvermane187 View Post
I keep hearing it takes at least half the length of the relationship to really get over someone you loved.
I really think the myth that any formula can possibly determine the length of a heartbreak needs to be debunked! Don't believe them!

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Originally Posted by brokendreamz View Post
I folded - just couldn't handle it. Went to the doc for some pills! 3 days in and although the pain is still there it's sort of pushed to the back of my mind and weirdly when I begin to think about her I have difficulty focussing on what before I became obsessed about!

Now - I HATE taking any form of medication; don't take paracetamol for headaches etc and the thought of putting any chemical in my body repulses me but to be fair, I am able to start looking forward with this **** inside me!
I've been debating taking this route for months, and this is no life feeling so hopeless and scared every day. I'd rather be a dribbling zombie than feeling this! (I know that's a gross exaggeration of the effects of anti-depressents!)

I'm similar to you and don't like resorting to medication, but I'm feeling it would be a relief just to feel numb from all of this. I might have to visit my doctor, we shouldn't be afraid of resorting to extra help if needed.
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Old 17th March 2011, 8:38 AM   #12
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I would love to resort to meds but I need a clean (at least on paper) bill of mental health for the profession I'm chasing. You guys should totally take advantage of any medication a doctor prescribes to you.
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Old 19th March 2011, 3:51 AM   #13
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meds was not really the route i wanted to take.
i am just concerned because the length of time i have spent over this breakup is going over 1/2 a year - i just do not want to waste my life away feeling like this. but at the same time i know i can not help how i feel
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Old 19th March 2011, 8:11 AM   #14
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Feeling for you, OP. In the same boat, six months out and still have that gnawing feeling for her. It sounds like you are doing all the right things. And everyone here has echoed what I have been told over and over again. Time will heal. And there is no time limit as to when healing has to occur. Everyone has their own timeframe.

Just know that you are not the only one. That thought has kept me going when I started feeling like this is taking too long. I would start feeling like I was "weird" for not healing fast enough. And then you discover there are MANY others in the same condition. AH! Not so different after all.

Keep living and when it gets hard, keep posting.

Peace.
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Old 19th March 2011, 8:42 AM   #15
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thanks so much for the support. you are right, it does help to know that there is not something wrong with me and that others feel the same way.

@thatgirlintx - do you still hope that she will call?/ are you doing all the things to move on but in your heart are still waiting for her? because i am stuck in that state.
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