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I Folded. No more loose ends to hang onto


ReturnToSender

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ReturnToSender

2 Days NC...well on one hand thats a record for me, on the other hand...I feel like such a loser to not even be able to make it longer than that. On yet another hand (cause Im abnormal like that) the convo we had left me with absolutely no reason to be in contact with him again, unless like I stated in my NC thread, he flat out says hes ready to ne in a relationship with me....which I get the feeling after our convo tonite never going to happen.

 

Hes been texting me all day, and tonight sent a worried sounding message asking if I was alright. Heartstrings pulled, weakness took over, and I replied saying yes of course Im around and asked how his Sunday was. A bit of small chatter, then he asked me if I went to an event today that wed always planned on going together, and I said no, then told him he should go next weekend. He said he wanted to wait and go with me. I replied that he knows its not like that, and he should go ahead. He asked me, what I meant by he knows its not like that and I said:

 

I meant what I said last week. I really love seeing and being with you but I cant handle seeing you as just a friend... trying to act lie I dont have romantic feelings for you and fine with keeping it at the way things have been between us...and turning into a wreck all the time cause Im not happy with that....I cant do it anymore.

 

An hour later I said I guess he fell asleep and wished him good nite, and he replied:

My sweet, I just dont know what to say but it always makes me sad and Im sorry. Anyway yes goodnite my sweet and at least we can catch up tomorrow then?

 

My reply:

If you ever change your mind about me, remember that I really do love you and I would be happy if you got in touch to let me know. Good nite.

 

No response, and while I should have left it at that, I went on to say even more:

I dont like the way that came off.. Im not expecting anything or that youll want me back as a part of your life like that...just saying if you ever do. Wish we were able to actually talk and not have to do this over text, but anyway I hope you understand what Im trying to say.

 

His response:

Yes my sweet, I understand. And I feel you, and I still love my sweet deeply no matter what.

 

....Yeah, he loves me so much apparently, that hes willing to watch me exit stage left and let everything go...our relationship, everything we both went through since our breakup, what he swore I meant to him, what he knows he means to me...none of that seems to count for anything or matter.

 

Im trying really hard not to feel like our whole relationship, everything I went through over the past 4 years wasnt a waste of time, a fake and a big fat lie...trying really hard not to cry. If he doesnt care and it doesnt matter to him whether or not Im in his life, then I cant for a second longer care either, about what we had, what was lost, him, this, everything.

 

I brought this on myself..this moment right here should have happened over a year ago. I would have been over it by now, instead of wasting a year and a half of my life on top of the two and a half years wasted being in that relationship. fml hard.

 

Just thinking about him curling up, going to sleep, and mentally crossing my name off the list of "friends" he can call up anytime to hang out with...while deciding which of his friends hes going to invite to the event he oh so badly wanted to experience with me.

 

I need to stop thinking about him and this. GOD Im so angry with myself.

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Dont beat yourself up, your feelings and actions are pretty normal, most of us here are going through the same thing.

 

Your ex's answers are as open ended as mine, there are a few ways to read into what he is saying and no doubt you will hear from him soon but it will still be games, same as my ex douche.

 

I too am made for all the time i wasted on a lie but we can get there. we just need to be strong, acknowledge these types of men are NOT what we deserve and let go xx

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ReturnToSender

I really appreciate that... after that convo Ive gone back to NC. Neither one of us contacted each other yesterday, so one day down.

 

His sister had emailed me something and asked me to show it to him, and I let her know simply that I cut it off with him and wouldnt be talking to him for awhile. She replied saying how happy she was for me, and that the fam really love and respect me and want to see me happy with or without him.

 

That was *so* encouraging...he has the most amazing family really. Well...after everything we've all been through together, they are now my family too. And no worries that he will have any effect on that since he has little to nothing to do with them.

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2 Days NC...well on one hand thats a record for me, on the other hand...I feel like such a loser to not even be able to make it longer than that. On yet another hand (cause Im abnormal like that) the convo we had left me with absolutely no reason to be in contact with him again, unless like I stated in my NC thread, he flat out says hes ready to ne in a relationship with me....which I get the feeling after our convo tonite never going to happen.

 

Hes been texting me all day, and tonight sent a worried sounding message asking if I was alright. Heartstrings pulled, weakness took over, and I replied saying yes of course Im around and asked how his Sunday was. A bit of small chatter, then he asked me if I went to an event today that wed always planned on going together, and I said no, then told him he should go next weekend. He said he wanted to wait and go with me. I replied that he knows its not like that, and he should go ahead. He asked me, what I meant by he knows its not like that and I said:

 

I meant what I said last week. I really love seeing and being with you but I cant handle seeing you as just a friend... trying to act lie I dont have romantic feelings for you and fine with keeping it at the way things have been between us...and turning into a wreck all the time cause Im not happy with that....I cant do it anymore.

 

An hour later I said I guess he fell asleep and wished him good nite, and he replied:

My sweet, I just dont know what to say but it always makes me sad and Im sorry. Anyway yes goodnite my sweet and at least we can catch up tomorrow then?

 

My reply:

If you ever change your mind about me, remember that I really do love you and I would be happy if you got in touch to let me know. Good nite.

 

No response, and while I should have left it at that, I went on to say even more:

I dont like the way that came off.. Im not expecting anything or that youll want me back as a part of your life like that...just saying if you ever do. Wish we were able to actually talk and not have to do this over text, but anyway I hope you understand what Im trying to say.

 

His response:

Yes my sweet, I understand. And I feel you, and I still love my sweet deeply no matter what.

 

....Yeah, he loves me so much apparently, that hes willing to watch me exit stage left and let everything go...our relationship, everything we both went through since our breakup, what he swore I meant to him, what he knows he means to me...none of that seems to count for anything or matter.

 

Im trying really hard not to feel like our whole relationship, everything I went through over the past 4 years wassnt a waste of time, a fake and a big fat lie...trying really hard not to cry. If he doesnt care and it doesnt matter to him whether or not Im in his life, then I cant for a second longer care either, about what we had, what was lost, him, this, everything.

 

I brought this on myself..this moment right here should have happened over a year ago. I would have been over it by now, instead of wasting a year and a half of my life on top of the two and a half years wasted being in that relationship. fml hard.

 

Just thinking about him curling up, going to sleep, and mentally crossing my name off the list of "friends" he can call up anytime to hang out with...while deciding which of his friends hes going to invite to the event he oh so badly wanted to experience with me.

 

I need to stop thinking about him and this. GOD Im so angry with myself.

 

I think you're right about this situation. Those type of responses definitely leave no room for hope or anything like it. It would definitely give me what I would need to just close the door and move on. He doesn't sound like he has any intention of doing anything more than what he is doing with you. If it is painful and not what you want you have to make some choices about this. Yes, you stayed, own that and do what is right for you now.

 

Best wishes

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I think you're right about this situation. Those type of responses definitely leave no room for hope or anything like it. It would definitely give me what I would need to just close the door and move on. He doesn't sound like he has any intention of doing anything more than what he is doing with you. If it is painful and not what you want you have to make some choices about this. Yes, you stayed, own that and do what is right for you now.

 

Best wishes

 

Thank you...yeah its the way he responded is why Im ready to close up shop and move on. Before whenever a question of our status came up, he kept me going by always telling me he cant imagine not having me in his life, always giving hope by saying hes just focused on this project and when its over next week/mth/this summer, etc...to be patient etc. And told me all the time how he loved everything about our relationship, and how there are still possibilities.

 

Unlike before, his responses here really did give closure...there was no sign of hope for the future, and to be honest, I doubt he ever meant it back then...it was just a way to keep things the way between us.

 

Unfortunately, who I was when we were dating, and even for awhile after our breakup isnt at all who I am now. Nowadays, Im like a lit fuse...Im always on edge, like what am i going to find out now...whats around the corner to hurt me next...and I turned into a crazy emotional wreck... Possibly at this point, he doesnt even want to lie anymore to keep it going cause Im not that breezy fun person I used to be.

 

Gosh, I wonder why! LoL

 

Anyway, Im sad about whats been left behind, but looking forward to returning to my old self, and things being peaceful in my life again. That man surrounds himself in and thrives on drama...I cant handle it.

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ReturnToSender

Oh. My. F-ing. God...he just sent me a text:

Hi sweet!! Hows my sweet doing today?!!

 

Now, please help me out here...Im not being delusional right?! I mean, I know yall only have my word to go on, but I swear it that whole convo we had, we actually had it. And I swear it Ive been falling apart because of it. Id really hate to think that Im senile or something.

 

WTF is he acting like nothing happened?! How on earth is it even remotely appropriate to, two days later, shoot me a message like that?

 

Of course Im not going to reply...I dont even have the urge to, nothing to even try and fight and resist. Im just in pure amazement at the size of this mans balls!!!

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Of course Im not going to reply...I dont even have the urge to, nothing to even try and fight and resist. Im just in pure amazement at the size of this mans balls!!!

 

Yeah, very small balls. He's just leading you on cause its fun. Let him down in every way.

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fight the urge to respond.

 

Whilst I've initiated NC I'm already running over what to say, what I should have said when the first breadcrumb was thrown.

 

Unless you calling to ask me out or to meet up and talk then I'm not interested in this (texting back and forth).

 

or something like it.

 

telling these thick articles what we expect and the consequences. Is it giving them too much thought? Maybe but you know what they say 'be prepared' :laugh:

 

they know us and whilst they may not knowingly be playing a game-they know how we're likely to respond. Be strong and don't settle for less than what you want. They aren't.

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Thanks so much and yeah, not tempted to respond at all. I had the feeling I would hear from him eventually, but not 2 days later acting like we didnt just have this heavy convo.

 

Even if he asks to meet up and talk I wont answer...I told him flat out to get in touch if hes changed his mind about me and the relationship, so anything other than blatantly saying hes changed his mind and wants to give it another shot is just crumbs and game playing.

 

I know hes hoping Ill reply, and then by the weekend we're hanging out like we have been. Unfortunately, his luck with that has run dry. And worse for him, the more time that goes by that Im not talking to him, the more Ill think about all the reasons I shouldnt even give him a chance even if he does come back asking for one. Hes not on my good side right now and Im in no mood for this, not at all.

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It's like giving up any other addiction such as cigarettes, for example. You take one day at a time and if you relapse you don't beat yourself up about it, you just get back on the wagon and take one day at a time.

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It has now been two and a half days... That may not sound like much, but considering how many times Ive tried to go NC in the past year and a half, and that I usually folded within a few hours...lasting no more than barely over a day...Im really proud of myself.

 

He hasnt sent me any messages since the one yesterday afternoon. Its really scary and sad, the possibility of us never talking again. But then I have to remember, he didnt want a relationship with me, he never intended on anything he promised me, and he didnt even feel it was worth talking about. Which I guess is to be expected, since his feelings evolved and all, why should he care all that much.

 

All I am at this point is one less friend with benefits to call up and hang out with. Im so sad that thats what it came down to and how little I mean to him. But I guess thats all the more reason not have him in my life at all.

 

Cant imagine hes all that broken up about it since this is what he wanted...else he wouldnt have found someone else and dumped me to begin with.

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Failed again. He texted me and after way too many text and emails Im done. He cant make me feel stupid for saying anything if I dont say anything to begin with.

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Thank you, I think Im hopeless though. I used to read threads of people saying how long theyve been able to do it and find it encouraging, and as someone moves from days to weeks cheer them on cause Im proud of them and Id think its just a matter of time before Im there too.

 

Now its just depressing, something has to be wrong with me that after so long, I still cant go more than 2 days. All it does now is remind me I always fail.

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proactivedreamer

Hey Return to Sender! I know exactly how you feel...I was like that the first few days of no contact with my ex, and I experienced a frenzy of sorts. He and I overtime got back into contact and we are working our way through this jungle of various emotions, he calls it "trying to be exes". Right now, It is tough because so much of your memories and dreams are wrapped up in this guy, so it is tough to detach yourself from him, but over time you will. The thing that keeps me going is making new plans for the future, and the realization that my ex isn't the only guy out there! You will see with time and a bit of effort you will start to feel indifferent toward him and the pain won't be so sharp. Try keeping yourself busy-try new hobbies, go out with friends, learn something new, and if you really feel the urge to contact him, post what you want to say in the "post here instead of contacting your ex" thread, that has helped me a lot. I know that it is unsettling to think this person whom you love with your heart and soul will one day fade into the back ground of your life, but this is, unfortunately, the process that we all must go through. We all have to embrace these painful experiences and know that everything will work out in the end. I wish you the best...

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I appreciate it...I just dont know, after over a year of trying to go NC or LC its disheartening cause I just want to be able to stop feeling so down or getting all emotional all the time.

 

He had flown off the handle cause he thought I heard something else about him and thats why I stopped talking to him, cause thats usually what happens, but he said he hasnt done anything or even seeing anyone else and knows for sure he didnt do anything to deserve it this time. I told him its not like that, I cant be just friends, he doesnt want a relationship, and neither of us want to stop talking but theres no other option. That he got over me and I just cant handle it anymore, I he can at least give me space to get over him too...Plus its extra hard how I try to talk to him and he ignores it and replies to me as if nothings wrong.

 

He said he hasnt gotten over me, and agreed to talk to me. I dont tnink it will be to reconcile our relationship cause he still doesnt want one, but probably like your ex put it, to try and be exes. Actually I think Ill even use that term to see how he takes it. A big thing for me that Ill have to tell him is to really act like just a friend...not reach for my hand or give me hugs and kisses or tell me he loves me.... hes always very affectionate when we are together, he acts like the bf he doesnt want to be and if he at least stopped that, it would be a huge help.

 

Anyway, he promised to make time to sit down and talk to me..I wouldve been fine with a phone call but he said hed rather come to me. Will see...

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Maybe he just wants a booty call. If he hasn't been seeing anyone else then he's probably sex-starved and is letting emotions take over for a bit.

 

Part of NC is letting him suffer and really understand how it is without you. If you let him stay friends or keep in LC as you've been doing, then that actually reduces the chance of him realizing how it is without you and makes it less likely for him to make that grand gesture of self-change in order to get you back.

 

I say don't meet him, unless he says he's willing to commit and do what it takes.

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I agree totally with your last 2 paragraphs...and much of that has come true. When I pull away, he comes on stronger....flowers, date night and nice dinners, more affectionate...but still "not ready for a relationship" That part Ive come to terms with...I want a guy who is sure of me, not on the fence. I would actually be okay with just a friendship if thats all there was to us, but his being affectionate makes it all but impossible to put those feelings aside.

 

Its not for sex though...I make the worst booty call ever lol After we had broken up, maybe about 4 or so months in and wed still been going out and seeing each other as usual, I asked him if the reason for our split was because he lost his attraction to me. He got wide eyed and said no way, that if he thought Id even be up for it hed have me naked in a heart beat. I told him to go for it, just be prepared for me crying the whole time...lol

 

Unfortunately, thats pretty much been the result...whenever we have had sex, I get so emotionally bent that a few months pass before we do anything again. He doesnt care though, hes said its not about getting me in bed, as much as hed love for it, he really likes our times together even without it and still tries to see me as much as possible.

 

But yeah, it helps to do without it from me as Im sure that theres no shortage of women willing to sleep with him. That Im well aware of...

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