Sent NC message and she unfriended me on facebook..

[lawwal]

We broke up two months ago and I was miserable/crazy the first 2-3 weeks. I somewhat gathered myself and we ended up being friends with benefits for the next month or so. Of course, I was hoping that by being with her that she'd change her mind. We had a lot of fun the last month, spent valentines and my bday together, but I ended up being insecure. So she said that she misses me, but thinks that we should not see each other for awhile. A week of NC goes by and I decide to send her a NC message saying not to contact me unless you want to give it another shot. She then doesn't reply and unfriends me on facebook.

 

So my questions are: 1. should i have not sent the NC message and just kept the 1 week silence going? She unfriended me as soon as she read the NC message. I said that please don't contact me unless you want to give it another shot and also inferred how much I still care about her (I did also say that you don't need to reply) which might have hurt my cause. I don't know if that is a good thing or not since part of me still wants her back. She wanted to be friends, but is the unfriending because she is mad/bitter or because she just doesn't care and has no feelings for me anymore? I did it so I can hopefully move on, but I don't want her to think anything negative from it. Thoughts?

[spackle]

it could be she was/still is emotional about things.

 

it could be she is sort of doing as you wanted, you wanted no contact, she's given it to you.

[IfiKnewThen]

i personally would write her back or call her better yet. i would leave a message saying...

 

 

if you tell someone not to contact you unless you want to get back together it does kinda give them free reign to go anywhere with that statement. i get what you were trying to do. you wanted to see if there was any feelings left in her at all she could respond to. here, instead of getting silence you defriends you on FB. i know that must have been shocking and hurtful. its a double edge sword because she can now say to you well, you told me not to speak.

 

she MIGHT have another love interest. you cant go back and now ask did i do the right thing. you did if you want N/C and to absolutely know where you stand.

 

if you wanted to try to keep the door open a bit..

 

the only thing you can do now is just be honest and say....wow..

 

i hope i didnt offend you. i just wanted to know where i stood. i admit i probaby worded it wrong when i said dont contact me if you dont want to get back with me..but i meant i didnt want to get strung along and its still too raw for me. but it was hurtful to me when took it one step further & defriend me on FB too .

 

 

then just leave it at that.

 

and if she gets back to you on it or adds you back, just let it go at that.

 

this girl couldnt have hated you too much if she was a friend with benefits. i dont know why she pulled the plug all of the sudden. they say those who have nothing to hide hide nothing. so maybe she didnt want you to see her FB business and saw your note as a good chance to get that accomplished.

 

you can let her know it hurt you though, and then let her deal with those feelings of how you feel about it and then wave goodbye to her in your mind.

 

and make that your closure.

[IfiKnewThen]

oops sorry for all the typing errors lawwal. i got interupted when writing to you so i am sending it again with all the corrections lol.

 

so here it is:

 

if you tell someone not to contact you unless you want to get back together it does kinda gives them free reign to go anywhere with that statement. i get what you were trying to do. you wanted to see if there were any feelings left in her at all she could respond to. here, instead of getting silence she defriends you on FB. i know that must have been shocking and hurtful. its a double edge sword because she can now say to you well, you told me not to speak.

 

she MIGHT have another love interest and doesnt want you to see stuff on FB. anway you cant go back and now ask did i do the right thing on LS because basically its done and its not a terrifle thing anyway:). if you want N/C and to absolutely know where you stand, you got your answer.

 

if you wanted to try to keep the door open a bit..

 

the only thing you can do now is just be honest and say:

 

"wow, i hope i didnt offend you. i just wanted to know where i stood. i admit i probaby worded it wrong when i said dont contact me if you dont want to get back with me..but i meant i didnt want to get strung along and its still too raw for me. but it was hurtful to me when took it one step further & defriend me on FB too "

 

 

then just leave it at that.

 

and if she gets back to you on it or adds you back on FB, just let it go at that.

 

this girl couldnt have hated you too much if she was a friend with benefits. i dont know why she pulled the plug all of the sudden. they say those who have nothing to hide hide nothing. so maybe she didnt want you to see her FB business and saw your note as a good chance to get that accomplished.

 

you can let her know it hurt you though, and then let her deal with those feelings of how you feel about it and then wave goodbye to her in your mind.

 

and make that your closure.

[ReturnToSender]

I wouldnt go back and write her again... I recognize that cause its something that has helped me take a niche and turn it into a big hole that I keep digging into. You said your peace and she reacted to it... At this point the ball is still in her court not yours, and no matter how heartfelt and no matter what you try to say or clarify, the only thing that writing to her again and again will do is let her know you dont mean what you say about not being in contact.

 

You told her you wanted not to be in contact and shes giving that to you...now I guess is the time to give her space too..dont keep sending more emails further explaining how you feel and what you think, especially if shes not responding by telling you how she feels and what she thinks. *Especially especially* when odds are high she wont reply at all which will make you feel even worse (like her defriending and silence is doing to you now)

 

You wont feel closure and at peace if she ignores you again...that will make you freak out even more. If you depend on her for closure youre not going to find it. Take it from me...I have a disgusting habit of doing just this and its made things worse on me than it needed to be. Give her space, and take your space...show her you mean what you say and leave her alone for awhile to see what she does.

Edited March 12, 2011 by ReturnToSender

[lawwal]

Ya as much as i want to write back, i won't. I wanted to be strong and be firm on where I stood..hope it didn't have the opposite effect. But ya..the strongest thing I can do now is to NC.

 

We were together 5 months only but the last 3 we were living together. She ended up moving out but just one floor up in the same apt complex. So it was real easy to do all the stuff we were doing. I know she's not seeing anyone nor does she have plans to -- she doesn't want to date right now. So I'll give her the space she wants. I know she doesn't hate me and will most likely be missing me. I'll know for sure what exactly we have after doing NC.