flow15 Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 (edited) My story is here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t267443/ Basically been over a month NC after he broke up with me for the 3rd or 4th time (can't even remember how many times its been now)... Last week he sent me a link to a song called one last chance (mentioned in the link above) I spent a week contemplating whether to ask him if it meant anything, I asked peoples advice, most people said to ignore it even though they said that it looked like he wanted me back. So today I just decided to ask him what it meant as I really needed to know and he said it didn't mean anything. I am furious that he's just messed with my head again and got away with it. I really wanna have a go at him and call him a b****** and an a*hole, and can he not see how much hes messed with me and how dare he?! How can anyone be so mean, does he not realise?!?! I know I shouldn't, because apparently if I act indifferent it shows I don't care. But how can he get away with this?? How can he think its ok that he does this? Shouldn't I be having a go at him for doing this?!? Edited March 9, 2011 by flow15 Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 No hon, don't do it. I hear your pain and you will regret acting out. Sometimes, the hardest and best thing to do is to do nothing. Be classy, flow. Link to post Share on other sites
Author flow15 Posted March 9, 2011 Author Share Posted March 9, 2011 Thanks for your reply I know that the best thing to do is nothing. But by saying nothing, I feel like I'm saying that its ok that he broke my heart and that its ok for him to send me a song which says he wants another chance to just mess with my head! I feel like I'm letting him get away with hurting me.. And I feel like an idiot because after he said that there was no reason for sending me the song and that he just felt like it, he asked me how I was, and I responded good. Good??!! I feel like such an idiot! I should have said I am furious, how dare you send me a song called one last chance just because you feel like it!! (Is it right to be feeling so angry?) Link to post Share on other sites
Cassandra92 Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 It is absolutely right you should feel that way. That is a blatant headf**k. Sending you a link to an obviously romantic song and then claiming it was nothing? Is he serious? How deluded... Yes you could rise above it and not say anything, but that also may be teaching him that he can do these screwy things to you again and again and you will put up with it. If you are so completely sick of it and want nothing more, I would tell him so. Tell him you don't want song links, or anything, from him. Nobody deserves those kind of games, and if he had any respect for you, he would not continue playing them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author flow15 Posted March 10, 2011 Author Share Posted March 10, 2011 Thanks for the reply! I know.. I feel that by doing nothing I'm saying that its ok that he treats me this way, but at the same time if I do have a go at him it will show him how hurt I am and he will think I still care and love him. Such a dilemma!! What to do?!? Anyone else? Link to post Share on other sites
Author flow15 Posted March 10, 2011 Author Share Posted March 10, 2011 Also if I don't have a go at him, surely it aids in relieving his guilt of dumping me?? I've drafted an email.... but I am in two minds as to whether to send it or not. Please someone help! Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Also if I don't have a go at him, surely it aids in relieving his guilt of dumping me?? I've drafted an email.... but I am in two minds as to whether to send it or not. Please someone help! pretty sure everyone on here is going to say don't send it. Further heartbreak awaits if he doesn't respond. Link to post Share on other sites
Author flow15 Posted March 10, 2011 Author Share Posted March 10, 2011 The thing is I don't care about him not responding.. I just want him to know that he can't get away with treating me this way and I want him to realise what an a**hole he is, and how mean and selfish he is and i wont let him do this to me again. Link to post Share on other sites
Shatter3d Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 What is the email Flow? Link to post Share on other sites
Author flow15 Posted March 10, 2011 Author Share Posted March 10, 2011 (edited) Hey shattered! I sent you a private message Edit: Did you get it? Edited March 10, 2011 by flow15 Link to post Share on other sites
silvermane187 Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 I've have no problem telling my ex when she was mind ****ing me. It didn't help me feel much better because she claimed it was unintentional. Sending a song like that is a pretty obvious midn **** though. I would say nothing this one last time, but if he trys a stunt like that again feel free to unleash the beast so to speak. Link to post Share on other sites
jstobo Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Another vote for not sending it. Don't give him any satisfaction. If he sends you something else, do not respond. If he is mindf****** you, he will stop. If he still has feelings, his methods of contact will get more aggressive. Be patient, but move on at the same time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author flow15 Posted March 11, 2011 Author Share Posted March 11, 2011 Thanks for the replies guys I sent the email The thing is he has been messing with my head for like a year now! I don't want him to think he can get away with treating me this way. I don't know if I want him back, how can I take someone back who has messed me around so much? Link to post Share on other sites
spackle Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 does anyone else wonder if we're too nice to these jerks? If someone treats you poorly you let them know right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author flow15 Posted March 11, 2011 Author Share Posted March 11, 2011 Agreed spackle Link to post Share on other sites
silvermane187 Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Thanks for the replies guys I sent the email The thing is he has been messing with my head for like a year now! I don't want him to think he can get away with treating me this way. I don't know if I want him back, how can I take someone back who has messed me around so much? For a year? Wow...I told my ex off the moment she messed with my head by changing her FB profile pic to her with some guy after unblocking me and ignoring my messages. If your ex is anything liek mine they will claim it was unintentional and try to make you look like the bad guy. Don't fall for it. Block them from any way of contacting you ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
Stilicho Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 hinestly, he probably said it meant nothing because he was afraid of your reaction being possible rejection. he probably thought youd come running to him saying you want him back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author flow15 Posted March 11, 2011 Author Share Posted March 11, 2011 Hey silvermane.. yep for a year if you follow my story he broke up with me last march for a day, took me back then broke up with me in may, then took me back in august for 2 weeks, (i discovered this website) then I went NC for 3 months he contacted me in nov strung me along saying he missed me loved me but couldnt be in a relationship, january said wanted me back then dumped me after a day!! a month NC and he sends me a song called 'one last chance', but says he just felt like sending it. I sent the email and he replied basically saying that im crazy that the song didn't mean he wanted me back, that it just reminded him of when we gave it one last chance in january....Riiight... (hes so full of crap!) He couldn't even apologise or acknowledge he messed with my head again! Stilicho.. He probably wanted me to go running back to him, even though he himself doesnt want me back. He probably just wanted his ego stroked, he knew I would think the song meant he wanted another chance. Now I don't know whether to reply to his reply now!! Link to post Share on other sites
silvermane187 Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Haha I knew he would reply saying you were crazy. I got the same response when I called out my ex's bull****. You could break down his bull**** one logically step at and time and make him look stupid, but in the end he's just going to shrug it off. I found a simple "you're a ****ing idiot, go **** yourself. block me from everything and never talk to my friends again" to be sufficent if you want to fully burn down that bridge. Do whatever makes you feel better. My ex also dumped me for about 12 hours then took me back, then 4 months laterthe real breakup happened. so I also know what it's like to be mind ****ed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author flow15 Posted March 11, 2011 Author Share Posted March 11, 2011 (edited) Well I replied to him, I've been umming and ahhing all day but I have so much I want to say, and I think he deserves to hear it. He can't get away with calling me crazy after everything he has put me through. I didn't want it to end this way, I didn't want us to end arguing and being mad and hating eachother... But he's given me no choice. If he apologised, if he said 'god im so sorry i had no idea i was doing this to you', I could forgive him and be fine with him. But its the fact that he treats me like a crazy person, that he can never apologise for anything, that he thinks hes done nothing wrong. Its not fair! Its a shame, because once upon a time I thought we were really in love and had something so amazing and so special, I thought once I moved on I could look back fondly with good memories, but now I just hate him! Its so sad... I thought he thought what we had was special, but now I don't know what to believe or think. I just have to forget about him and move on. I hope he won't reply to this email otherwise its just gonna turn into another argument! To be honest I doubt he will read it as at the end of his email he said 'dont reply'. Edited March 11, 2011 by flow15 Link to post Share on other sites
spackle Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Well I replied to him, I've been umming and ahhing all day but I have so much I want to say, and I think he deserves to hear it. He can't get away with calling me crazy after everything he has put me through. I didn't want it to end this way, I didn't want us to end arguing and being mad and hating eachother... But he's given me no choice. If he apologised, if he said 'god im so sorry i had no idea i was doing this to you', I could forgive him and be fine with him. But its the fact that he treats me like a crazy person, that he can never apologise for anything, that he thinks hes done nothing wrong. Its not fair! Its a shame, because once upon a time I thought we were really in love and had something so amazing and so special, I thought once I moved on I could look back fondly with good memories, but now I just hate him! Its so sad... I thought he thought what we had was special, but now I don't know what to believe or think. I just have to forget about him and move on. I hope he won't reply to this email otherwise its just gonna turn into another argument! To be honest I doubt he will read it as at the end of his email he said 'dont reply'.[/QUOTE] that would provoke me in sending an email saying he doesn't get to tell me what to do. don't ever contact me again you loser. Then block his email. Link to post Share on other sites
Author flow15 Posted March 13, 2011 Author Share Posted March 13, 2011 (edited) Since I sent the reply I've felt like I finally have closure. The only thing is though I just feel a bit weird.... Before he sent me the link to the song, I was hoping for contact from him and secretly deep down I wanted him to come back to me and want me back. But when he contacted me, sent the song and messed me around like that, it has made me seen his true colours or just seen how nasty he can be.... and I really don't want him back nor want him to contact me again. Do you think this is a coping mechanism? Or am I over him? The thing is though, when I see couples together I get a pang in my heart and I miss the good times at the beginning of our relationship, but I don't know if I just miss having someone there or if I miss him. I feel like the person he was at the beginning isn't the same person now, but I'm not sad about that... I'm just glad I've got someone out of my life who has messed me around so much. But is my head telling myself he is not the same person so that I can get over him?! Or is that who he really is? Have I finally got closure? Am I over him? Does it happen this quickly?? Edited March 13, 2011 by flow15 Link to post Share on other sites
Rose T Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 Have I finally got closure? Am I over him? Does it happen this quickly?? Flow15, this is a good sign - every healing process has a turning point. Hopefully this is a turning point for you. Doesn't mean that you won't have bad days in the future, but you're definitely on the right road. Hang onto the memory of how much he has been annoying you these days. It all helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Bluebelle38 Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 Hi Flow, Sorry to hear what this creep has put you through. And yes he is a creep. He treats yopu appallingly. No man worth your time, energy and love would ever be so dismissive of your feelings. The fact he can just use you when suits him is shocking. I really hope that one day soon you see how cruel and manipulative he is. There is no future with a man like this. I've recently split with a man the same. Every day you hold on to thought of him and him becoming a better person is a waste of your life. It isn't easy to move on, I know. But when you see these creeps for what they are it gets easier. A man that loved you would never have put you through this. He called the shots and he knew it. Please do not engage with him again. He loves knowing he has you pining after him. He's trash - you are not. Take care and chin up. Life gets better when we get rid of toxic people like this from our lives for good Link to post Share on other sites
Author flow15 Posted March 17, 2011 Author Share Posted March 17, 2011 Thanks Bluebelle and Rose for your replies... I am definitely focusing on all the negatives to help me forget about him. I don't want to go back to someone who has hurt me so much and who has messed me around so much.. But for some strange reason I just want him to want me. He replied to my email basically calling me crazy and that if I believe everything I'm saying to call him to talk, but I ignored him. I've said everything I have to say, and if I call him all he will do is brainwash me and I'll be back to square one again. Link to post Share on other sites
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