brokendreamz Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 My colleague at work suggested hacking my ex's facebook account this morning. My Ex told me she'd deactivated her account and although I believed her my colleagues comments bought out the devil in me. As soon as everyone left the office I tried her old email address and password and BINGO! Up came her account... That she's closed in 2007. I felt like an instant looser. She's always been so honest with me and to think I doubted her for 1 second confirms that I'm an idiot. Anyway, I re-deactivated it (or thought I had) and then realised that she'd probably receive an email saying someone has done this. So after 13 days of NC - which has been like torture - I called her to admit what I'd done, it re broke my heart cos she was so ok about it! Said she'd been wanting to call me to find out how I was but hadn't because her feelings hadn't changed towards me... Ouch! Like the idiot I am, I couldn't help but ask if she's seeing anyone or anything and she told me she wasn't and that's not what the break up was all about. We both ended up crying a bit and I said something along the lines of 'well if you're not seeing anyone why can't you live your life with me in it' said we should still sell the house but we could try starting a new relationship. She told me she had to go, I asked her to call me later, she declined but said she'd call tomorrow... WHAT HAVE I DONE! I WANT HER BACK SOOOOO BAD AND I KNOW IT WOULD WORK BECAUSE I'D NEVER BE WHO SHE LEFT. OH GOD! DON"T KNOW IF I CAN HANDLE THIS... HELP!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 All this is doing is cementing, in her head, that you're someone to avoid. Go NC/180 for a stretch. Otherwise everything you do is counter-productive to any healing for yourself or for both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
BlindRage Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 Ouch! Like the idiot I am, I couldn't help but ask if she's seeing anyone or anything and she told me she wasn't and that's not what the break up was all about. Wow, if she isn't thats pretty much one of the few that didn't. My ex claimed to me that she wanted to breakup because she had too much to deal with and not go with someone else. The person she got with they were together some weeks before the break-up (not being negative but just if she really hasn't thats weird and pretty awesome). We both ended up crying a bit and I said something along the lines of 'well if you're not seeing anyone why can't you live your life with me in it' said we should still sell the house but we could try starting a new relationship. Well only time will tell if thats accurate oh and don't call her tomorrow if she doesn't call. The ball is in her court and she's thinking now. If she doesn't call take it as the -complete- end. P.S: Don't beg, plead, call, cry.. Don't. It just makes things much worst and difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokendreamz Posted March 8, 2011 Author Share Posted March 8, 2011 Worldgonewrong - I agree but if she calls I'm going to see where it goes. BlndRage - She is awsome and I do believe her so I guess I'm lucky in one respect, but it just goes to re confirm to me what I'm losing. She really is the one!! If she doesn't call then that really will be it. Tough as that will be I will do my best to never have anything to to with her again... For both our sakes. I hope she calls, but I've got this gut wrenching feeling it will only to give the big one about being friends. I won't handle that very well. Crumbs... Link to post Share on other sites
BlindRage Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 Worldgonewrong - BlndRage - She is awsome and I do believe her so I guess I'm lucky in one respect, but it just goes to re confirm to me what I'm losing. She really is the one!! If she doesn't call then that really will be it. Tough as that will be I will do my best to never have anything to to with her again... For both our sakes. I hope she calls, but I've got this gut wrenching feeling it will only to give the big one about being friends. I won't handle that very well. Crumbs... Yea it sounds like the best. At least that will be your confirmation so to speak that she is set on not being in a relationship with you. Its strange though just being friends with an ex. I don't think that it's the right decision because you love her. It'll hurt if she really does treat you as a friend only.. Its a rotten crumb. We'll hopefully she is clear on her intentions and hopes tomorrow (If she calls). If she doesn't, you have your answer, Brokendreamz. Link to post Share on other sites
Nita10 Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 If you find yourself hacking her fb account.. then calling her.. asking if she's seeing someone.. etc.. then you're definitely NOT ready for a relationship.. whether it's with her or someone else.. IF you EVER get back with her then you'll be starting a new relationship.. you can't pick up where you left off.. you need to work on yourself and be someone strong and new to earn that relationship.. After my ex broke up with me I was desperate to get back with him because i know we're right for each other.. HOWEVER looking back now after 57 days of NC.. i still think we're right BUT things won't work if i don't move on with my life.. be a new stronger more independant person.. Now whatever you just did is done.. don't look back at it.. please PLEASE never contact her again.. just go NC.. you need time for yourself.. it does get a bit easier with time! Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokendreamz Posted March 8, 2011 Author Share Posted March 8, 2011 Thanks Nita10. Looking at it like that I must admit I'd be amazed if she ever wants to speak to me again! If she doesn't call I will make a promise to myself to move on. If she calls and gives it the friends speech I will politely decline and move on. I did tell her on the phone that I wouldn't want the old relationship back, that I hit the gym these days instead of the couch. It sounded like she took it on board but then again I am a complete wreck at the moment so who knows what really happened! I will take a positive from whatever happens tomorrow. either closure for good or (hope hope) the possibility of a chance to prove to her that I'm nearly the same person she fell in love with 8 years ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Bluebelle38 Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 Sorry to hear you are going through this, but she said her feelings haven't changed so I don't know why you think overnight they will. I know how much it hurts but you have to start to accept the reality of what has happened. I don't know if in time her feelings will, but not moving on with your life is not making yourself any more attractive to her. Words are cheap, anyone can say they have/will change, but calling her and admitting you hacked into her private account is not something she is going to find sweet or endearing. You have to pick yourself up here, dust yourself off and move on with your life. It doesnt matter if she is seeing someone new or not. Again, I'm really sorry. God knows I know the pain you feel, but holding on is only torturing yourself. Go see a friend if possible, make some plans to keep yourself busy (even if you have to drag yourself out). You had a life before this girl and you will have a life after her. How long you stay in this awful limbo is up to you. Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 You should've gone all-out and posted on her FB wall: "Sorry I hacked your account." Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokendreamz Posted March 8, 2011 Author Share Posted March 8, 2011 Bluebelle38 - I know your words are true, I just can't quite believe this has affected me like this. I used to be so strong but she has the capability of reducing me to dust! I'm apprehensive about the call, it might be the last time we speak... Ever! Worldgonewrong - Lol! If I knew how to I would've - it's the sort of thing she've found amusing believe it or not. If this all goes south tomorrow, as soon as our house is sold, I'm booking a round the world ticket! I honestly don't think I'll be able to carry on here without her! Everything is a trigger... Have you heard the new Adele track? I can't seem to escape it. Beautiful song but COME ON!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokendreamz Posted March 8, 2011 Author Share Posted March 8, 2011 Actually, you know what - I'm going to be assertive about this and take a more positive stance. I'm going to text her tomorrow and ask her to meet me for a coffee after work. Neutral territory and face to face. I've lost 2 stone so she will see a visual change in me for a start. Even if I am setting myself up for a fall It'll be nice to know that I saw her for the last time! What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
broken-and-lost Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 bad idea fella let her suggest things to you, its too soon i tried all of that with my ex just pushes them further away, you really do have to act like your getting on with things and let her come to you if you chase she will run Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 I think you can do better by spending some time and effort on you instead of worrying so much. You're showing signs of being extremely stressed out and your mind, body and soul cannot maintain that for much longer without some serious damage. At the very least, see your doctor about getting some sleeping tablets, maybe some anti-psychotics to control the panic attacks. Get some multivitamins. Go out and eat a good meal, with lots of fresh veg in it. Go and buy some new clothes, get a haircut, have a wet-shave at the barbers, go for a long walk and enjoy nature. You will do yourself a huge favour if you do this. Link to post Share on other sites
BlindRage Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 bad idea fella let her suggest things to you, its too soon i tried all of that with my ex just pushes them further away, you really do have to act like your getting on with things and let her come to you if you chase she will run Yea I agree with this. My ex ended up hating my guts because I wouldn't leave her alone. She also changed her number. I have class in 40 minutes and I'm freakin crying right now Damn it. I hate my life. Link to post Share on other sites
broken-and-lost Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 Yea I agree with this. My ex ended up hating my guts because I wouldn't leave her alone. She also changed her number. I have class in 40 minutes and I'm freakin crying right now Damn it. I hate my life. yeah it sucks fellas because you want to contact them but even when they say things at this stage last thing you should do is chase as they see it as your same old guy who needs them to rely on everything you do will just come across as needy, that's not change in there minds just because you go to the gym now doesn't mean you changed as that's the natural reaction to being dumped you want to show your different. Trust me your breaking down because of the pain i know i've been there / still am there, she will see right through it give yourself time m8 to process it, you are still going to be in pain but you need balance to prove your changing before she will even notice right now she just wont, everything you do will push her away........... Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 **** Facebook, I'm a ****ING Idiot!!! Redundancy at its finest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokendreamz Posted March 9, 2011 Author Share Posted March 9, 2011 Got a text this morning. She's not gonna call. Says her feelings haven't changed and she doesn't want to give me false hope. Back to day 1 for me. Why do I do this to myself. I just closed the door to the light at the end of the tunnel. Link to post Share on other sites
Layzie89 Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 Don't worry about it too much man. I'm sure you learned a few lessons after this whole ordeal just be sure not to make the same mistakes again! At least you can consider this your closure, go back to NC and get on with your life. Were with you brother Link to post Share on other sites
petal11 Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 hi broken dreamz.. sorry you got the text.. i agree NC is the way to go.. wish you well. PS thanks for your advice earlier.. tis best to know and then you can move on petal Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokendreamz Posted March 9, 2011 Author Share Posted March 9, 2011 Lazie89 - Thanks mate. So tough at the moment. Petal - Should have listened to my own advice huh! She still says there's no one else so I know I've still got that **** to deal with when she eventually does. Agh! Link to post Share on other sites
Nick71 Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 I'm close to caving in on the NC after 6 weeks. Just want to know . . . something, anything?!?! I'm reading this & trying to decide? Is day 1 with a different goal better than day 'whatever' with limbo? Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokendreamz Posted March 9, 2011 Author Share Posted March 9, 2011 Hi Nick. Every relationship is different. Personally after talking to her, although I was no further forward (nothing had changed for her and I didn't gain any new info) It was nice to hear her voice and realising that there really is nothing I can do has given me some sort of closure, although I told myself I had closure last time round... I'm back to day 1 of nc and I'm feeling it all over again. Can't hold it together - I know everyone says NC is for the best and that is the BEST WAY if you truly want to move forward, I'm realising that moving forward is my ONLY option! so in a way I am glad to have spoken to her. Good luck with whatever you decide. Link to post Share on other sites
Bluebelle38 Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 Hey there, TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!! No-one expects you to be bright and breezy, but this woman has done you a favour. There is no point holding on to someone that does not want to be with you. It really is that simple. God, it hurts, but the fact remains that every second you waste, and it is waste, thinking about someone that does not want to make a relationship work is holding you back from what you have always wanted to do. I came to this realisation a few weeks ago and since then have decided what it is I want to do with my life and I am going after it - for me it is scriptwriting! You have to dig deep and find out what it is for you and then pursue it - and hard. Your life needs a new focus. All of us have something to offer and when the time is right someone will come along that appreciates you for all your faults and wants to make a relationship work.... but that is down the line. No point searching for a replacement. Build yourself up, accept this is Day One and do NOT look back. You can do it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokendreamz Posted March 9, 2011 Author Share Posted March 9, 2011 Bluebell - Thanks, I know what I need to do. It just seems impossible today. I'm literally sat at my desk looking at loveshack wondering how it came to this! Thanks for your positive words. Link to post Share on other sites
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