Dang.

[b_rouse]

Now I'm on the decline. I was feeling amazing, I've been on dates, went days without thinking of him and then all of a sudden, I heard this sad break-up song on the radio and thought of him (That dang Jar of Hearts song).

 

Songs aren't the same on the radio anymore, if it's a sad break-up song, I feel the singers pain. Course it didn't help that after that song, I creeped on his facebook page. And upon doing so, I found out our pictures have been deleted from his main pictures page, and that hurt...a lot.

 

It's been 5 months, I haven't talked to him in 70+ days, I've went days without thinking of him...and one song just made me sad, and caused me to facebook creep.

[radrluv72]

It's funny how as we're picking up our lives after a relationship is over with, that something comes along and pulls the carpet our from under us. Music is always a big trigger with most people. For myself it's not just one song...my list of musical triggers is pretty lengthy. Some I can't even bear to hear one note of because I know what it stirs up in my heart shortly thereafter.

 

Don't feel bad. It's just the mourning process again, and it will once again pass. I can certainly sympathize...I've been broken up with my ex for 12 weeks now and NC for 9 weeks...I've been thinking a lot about my ex as well. Today, I had the sudden urge to e-mail him, but the second I started waffling on the idea I threw myself on the treadmill. Call it my self "punishment" for almost giving in. Unlike you, I haven't been on any dates yet...at least you're meeting people, sweetheart! I can't stop comparing newcomers to my ex, and I wish that I could stop it.

 

Have faith. It's okay to be sad again...just know that one morning soon, you'll wake up and totally forget that you even got sad again to begin with.

 

Stay away from his FB page, though. I know it's hard, but think of yourself, hon.

Edited March 8, 2011 by radrluv72

[b_rouse]

Oh I sometimes compare my dates to him. My ex always opened the car door for me (other doors as well) and thus far, none of my dates have done that to me.

 

It's weird, I still feel weird going out and meeting new people, getting close to other guys. In the beginning, I felt as if I were cheating on my ex, even though we've broken up. It'll just take some time.

 

But like you've said, you have to take it day-by-day. There are 3 songs I cannot listen to without getting a little teary-eyed: one was our song, another was the song he dedicated to me, and the last one is the ringtone he set for me when I call.

 

It stinks because I feel as if I'm slowly making progress and he's already miles ahead. He got into a relationship 2 weeks after we broke up, he's still with her (they've been together for a couple months now). I just want to know if he had a rough time like I did.

[radrluv72]

Oh I sometimes compare my dates to him. My ex always opened the car door for me (other doors as well) and thus far, none of my dates have done that to me.

 

It's weird, I still feel weird going out and meeting new people, getting close to other guys. In the beginning, I felt as if I were cheating on my ex, even though we've broken up. It'll just take some time.

 

But like you've said, you have to take it day-by-day. There are 3 songs I cannot listen to without getting a little teary-eyed: one was our song, another was the song he dedicated to me, and the last one is the ringtone he set for me when I call.

 

It stinks because I feel as if I'm slowly making progress and he's already miles ahead. He got into a relationship 2 weeks after we broke up, he's still with her (they've been together for a couple months now). I just want to know if he had a rough time like I did.

 

 

Ha...well, I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who compares every new potential guy to my ex...I was starting to wonder if there was really something wrong with me!! Yeah, I wish I could meet new people too. I've tried, but the thing that holds me back isn't that feeling like you're cheating on them (loyalty just shows true character so kudos to you), it's that I know how much I deeply, deeply love my ex. I'd never met anyone with such a multi-faceted personality and enough layers to put an onion to shame...once you meet someone that wonderful, it's hard not to compare someone like that to others. I have a feeling that I'll probably be doing it for a while still.

 

I would be inclined to think that if your ex moved on to a new relationship that quickly, then chances are it could be doomed to fail...but on the flip side of that, picking up the pieces of your heart & your life...well, it shouldn't be a race, although sometimes it can feel like one. I try not to think about the stuff that I know will make me upset...is he thinking about me, does he have any regret, is he seeing someone else already...really, who cares? You need to focus on you right now, and you're already making efforts to do that. Bottom line is that some people need more time to get past a prior relationship than others. You take all the time that you need to get through mourning a past relationship that meant so much to you. Frankly, I've always had more respect for people who don't immeadiately jump into new relationship shortly after a breakup. Sometimes those types of people come across and people who can't stand to be alone and use other people as emotional crutches. They may not realize that they're doing it, but that just stinks of insecurity & selfishness to me. He got into something new 2 weeks after the breakup? Let him. Focus on you, and use this as the time to find out more about yourself & what a wonderful person you are.

 

...And on the musical note again, find yourself some new breakup songs that will actually put a smile on your face. I've become a big fan of Adele's "Rolling in the Deep". I've noticed that when I think of my ex lately, somehow that song is also in my head as background music. Ha.

[Nick71]

I went for lunch on Sunday with my best friend & his gf & she had invited one of her friends too, I didn't know until I arrived. I think I was the only one around the table who didn't know what was going on.

 

I had a really good time, enjoyed talking with this new lady & found myself on autopilot, flirting outrageously & it felt like nothing was wrong in my life for the first time in a while.

 

Then I went to the bar & passed a private table area where I had sat for dinner with my ex before Christmas. The feeling that came over me was a new one, very intense cold rush from my head to toe & I could hear my heart beating in my head at great speed & I started shaking.

I quickly headed for the bathroom & was a little sick

I came back to the table, it all felt very different so I made my excuses & left, I think it surprised everyone but I had to get out.

 

Last week I was feeling the best I had since she left me without warning/explanation 2 months ago, last 2 days I have been back to a dark place. I gave up smoking on NYE but on my second packet in 2 days now.

 

I've kept NC since 1 blip in the 1st week, that is tough though, I was close to breaking last night.

I don't know why my mind couldn't just see that table as the happy memory it is instead of shutting my body down like that

 

As for the songs it is terrible, I've avoided all 'our' songs but my job is creating karaoke versions of tracks & yesterday I had to make Adele's 'Someone Like You' & it killed me & I see on today's list I have 2 new tracks called 'If You Ever Come Back' followed by 'Don't Hold Your Breath' . . . bliss

 

Whoever's got the secret for untying these emotional ties please raise your hand ?

 

I guess I will not be ready for dating for quite a while

[swfc_77]

yeah we all have times like that nick.

 

same happened to me last week, took a young lady out and felt like i was betraying my ex for some strange reason, the girl i took out knew my ex and was asking a lot of questions which seemed strange, i suppose this didn't help.

 

b rouse try not listening to the radio as much, i dont. seems like 90% of songs these days are about break-ups and hearbreak anyway.

 

kings of leon - sex on fire was her/our song even though i dont really like it, but its on in every bar/kareoke/club i go in. i just go outside and take 5 to myself.

 

the problem im having at the min is i think i still love her, but i dont want to love her.

 

hope your ok b-rouse, chin up

[Good Arms]

Songs aren't the same on the radio anymore, if it's a sad break-up song, I feel the singers pain.

 

I totally relate to that. With my lack of previous relationship experience, sad/heartbroken songs suddenly have a more personal impact.

 

I'd pretty much given up listening to music since my ex dumped me. I cleared my mp3 player of music in favour of radio podcasts, because I associated so much of my favourite music with her. Only now, 3.5 months on, am I really beginning to download and listen to some new stuff. But yesterday at work some song on the new R.E.M. album got me teary-eyed.... any lyric I can relate to can do that in an instant. Even terrible mainstream stuff on the radio I'd otherwise be emotionally dead to

[poorguy]

I don't think you've been here in a while. I do remember when you were though. I figured you sort of moved on from the way it sounded a few months ago. Actually I think a lot of people at the time did... So are you sort of looking back nowadays??? I remember how happy I was for you at the time. Do you want him back????

[brneyedgrl]

B_Rouse,

 

I'm know exactly how you feel. I'm on day 30 of complete NC and I've been doing really well, then all the sudden the past two days I can't seem to get him off my mind.

 

It was a song that did it for me and I feel like I'm back at square one! I was inches away from letting my fingers find his name on facebook last night but luckily got distracted when Sex and the City came on :-) I think days or weeks such as these will continue to be few and far between and I can only look forward to tomorrow as it will be one day closer to finishing the healing process.

 

In the meantime I've created a breakup/inspirational playlist that I've been listening to religiously, and I think I will have to live off this playlist for a little while longer as the damn radio seems to be the devil these days.

[lululucy]

I went for lunch on Sunday with my best friend & his gf & she had invited one of her friends too, I didn't know until I arrived. I think I was the only one around the table who didn't know what was going on.

 

I had a really good time, enjoyed talking with this new lady & found myself on autopilot, flirting outrageously & it felt like nothing was wrong in my life for the first time in a while.

...

 

Last week I was feeling the best I had since she left me without warning/explanation 2 months ago, last 2 days I have been back to a dark place. I gave up smoking on NYE but on my second packet in 2 days now.

 

 

I guess I will not be ready for dating for quite a while

 

Nick! It's good to see you back on here again. I'm sorry to hear about the last few days being harder than before -- but you're starting to see how things can be okay, and that's wonderful. Even if you aren't ready for dating, it's good that you can flirt and talk to new people. You need a bigger circle of friends in Poland?

 

How was your trip home?

 

Now I'm on the decline. I was feeling amazing, I've been on dates, went days without thinking of him and then all of a sudden, I heard this sad break-up song on the radio and thought of him (That dang Jar of Hearts song).

 

Songs aren't the same on the radio anymore, if it's a sad break-up song, I feel the singers pain. Course it didn't help that after that song, I creeped on his facebook page. And upon doing so, I found out our pictures have been deleted from his main pictures page, and that hurt...a lot.

 

It's been 5 months, I haven't talked to him in 70+ days, I've went days without thinking of him...and one song just made me sad, and caused me to facebook creep.

 

Ugh, I know that feeling. My ex also got into a relationship (sort of) with a girl while we were on a break, and since we officially broke up she has gone off the deep-end with him. The last time I facebook creeped him, there was a picture of them that she had tagged him in with her head on his shoulder.. I started bawling. I've since blocked her on facebook so I don't have to see anything she does or says.

 

It's awful how one little thing can just set off a rollercoaster of emotions again. As for songs, the hardest one for me to hear is Green Eyes by Coldplay. It was going to be our first dance when we got married. Ugh.

[Nick71]

Hey Lucy

I tried to PM you & IfIKnew to update you as I got back here last Wednesday but my LS account doesn't allow personal messages.

 

How are things with you?

 

I took a month in UK to see family & take some therapy.

I feel the therapy wasted my money, I am in a slightly better place than when I left but only as time has passed.

 

I'm still hoping/expecting a call or email or sms, an explanation, apology, anything?!?!

I really want to erase that expectation but can't find out how?

 

The lady from Sunday joined me on facebook today, she is beautiful but I am not attracted to any lady at the moment, I can only see my ex in my desires.

 

I should be going out with some friends tomorrow evening, I have been looking forward to it but now it is only 24 hrs away I am finding excuses & withdrawing into my shell again, not quite ready yet

 

I have so many materials now to help me heal but none are working.

 

I would love one hour without her in my thoughts, without planning all the things I will say when she knocks on my door (I know, long wait there) and I would love just one evening with more than 3 hours sleep.

 

I was offered pills for my problems while in UK but I will not take any, I have no physical ailment, I just need a practical way of thinking that works.

[b_rouse]

Ha...well, I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who compares every new potential guy to my ex...I was starting to wonder if there was really something wrong with me!! Yeah, I wish I could meet new people too. I've tried, but the thing that holds me back isn't that feeling like you're cheating on them (loyalty just shows true character so kudos to you), it's that I know how much I deeply, deeply love my ex. I'd never met anyone with such a multi-faceted personality and enough layers to put an onion to shame...once you meet someone that wonderful, it's hard not to compare someone like that to others. I have a feeling that I'll probably be doing it for a while still.

 

I would be inclined to think that if your ex moved on to a new relationship that quickly, then chances are it could be doomed to fail...but on the flip side of that, picking up the pieces of your heart & your life...well, it shouldn't be a race, although sometimes it can feel like one. I try not to think about the stuff that I know will make me upset...is he thinking about me, does he have any regret, is he seeing someone else already...really, who cares? You need to focus on you right now, and you're already making efforts to do that. Bottom line is that some people need more time to get past a prior relationship than others. You take all the time that you need to get through mourning a past relationship that meant so much to you. Frankly, I've always had more respect for people who don't immeadiately jump into new relationship shortly after a breakup. Sometimes those types of people come across and people who can't stand to be alone and use other people as emotional crutches. They may not realize that they're doing it, but that just stinks of insecurity & selfishness to me. He got into something new 2 weeks after the breakup? Let him. Focus on you, and use this as the time to find out more about yourself & what a wonderful person you are.

 

...And on the musical note again, find yourself some new breakup songs that will actually put a smile on your face. I've become a big fan of Adele's "Rolling in the Deep". I've noticed that when I think of my ex lately, somehow that song is also in my head as background music. Ha.

 

Haha Oh I got that "Rolling in the Deep" song on my playlist! And I really don't know what's going on with my ex and whatever-her-name-is; I blocked her.

 

But I was feeling extra sad the past couple weeks because of his birthday. It was yesterday, it felt so weird not wishing him a happy birthday, or calling him, or making him a present. And I had to ask just about all my friends if I should wish him a happy birthday. I didn't, but I felt horrible not doing it.

 

Ex's stink.

 

I don't think you've been here in a while. I do remember when you were though. I figured you sort of moved on from the way it sounded a few months ago. Actually I think a lot of people at the time did... So are you sort of looking back nowadays??? I remember how happy I was for you at the time. Do you want him back????

 

I've been so busy with school! It's good it's been distracting me but now that things have settled down, I got some feelings back. It's just hard because his birthday was yesterday, and I was going through this dilemma as to whether or not I should wish him a happy birthday. I didn't, but boy did I want too.

 

And I really don't want him back, I want his personality back (if that makes sense). I miss who he was, not necessarily him. He had this certain trait about him that I really loved. He was a great guy, up until the end (aren't they all?) and how he handled the break up didn't surprise me. He had commitment issues I guess, he had to be #1, and he just couldn't understand that I want to become a doctor, I can't sacrifice a whole bunch of time for him. I have dreams and a future I want to achieve and he couldn't handle the lack of attention.

 

But, I have heard about whatever-her-name-is, and I hear she's clingy and loves attention. So, he get's what he wants, I guess?

 

I haven't talked to him since the end of December, so he feels like this faint memory.

 

B_Rouse,

 

I'm know exactly how you feel. I'm on day 30 of complete NC and I've been doing really well, then all the sudden the past two days I can't seem to get him off my mind.

 

It was a song that did it for me and I feel like I'm back at square one! I was inches away from letting my fingers find his name on facebook last night but luckily got distracted when Sex and the City came on :-) I think days or weeks such as these will continue to be few and far between and I can only look forward to tomorrow as it will be one day closer to finishing the healing process.

 

In the meantime I've created a breakup/inspirational playlist that I've been listening to religiously, and I think I will have to live off this playlist for a little while longer as the damn radio seems to be the devil these days.

 

Haha we've all done that facebook creeping I think! I blocked him from facebook, but then a couple weeks later, I sent him a friend request and was like, "I'm ready to be friends now!"

 

...!!! Yeah, dumb me, good thing he didn't accept it (but he didn't deny it either).

 

I really love "My Best Days are Ahead of Me," By Danny Gokey. It really gave me inspiration in the beginning stages of my breakup. Then, when I reached the angry stage, it was angry breakup songs like, "Better Than Revenge," By Taylor Swift, or "Revenge is Sweeter (Than you Ever Were)," By The Veronicas. Those kind of songs.

 

But I do find that songs help a lot! Especially the healing kind! Kinds that empower you and make you feel phenomenal!