Does this make me bad?

[BlindRage]

I wish that my ex someday would get her heart broken just as bad as me or I actually hope even worst. I feel so bad that I'm suffering for her leaving me (believe me I've gone out on dates etc. etc... everything recommended to "move on") but I'm even worst now. She told me how pathetic I am a while back for it. I admit I was being obsessive and didn't want to let go so eventually she changed her number to never hear from me again. My intentions weren't as horrible as they seemed. She just saw me as a weirdo stalker. I couldn't accept that she didn't care about me anymore so I tried to see if her talking to me would remind her of the "good times".

 

Well how things are going now for her are great! She's extremely happy with this new person -who she cheated on me with while we were together-. I bet they are going to move in together pretty soon also. Their relationship seems so utterly perfect. I don't understand how this could be.. Doesn't she miss me in the least? Doesn't she remember I loved her and us making love? I feel that once she left I meant nothing to her at all.

 

The thing now is.. I hate that she thinks of me as a crazy person. I did what any person would do when the love of their life tosses them in the trash. I wish she could get hurt just as much as me and even more.. just someday-I don't care if its tomorrow, a year from now, 10 years etc- her feel that pain and realize while thinking about me, "maybe they weren't as crazy as I thought, maybe this is a natural reaction!".

 

Is it bad that I think like this? Does everyone get their heart broken? I hope she gets hers broken so she can be the "crazy one" for once.

Edited March 7, 2011 by BlindRage

[brokendreamz]

Sounds like it's a recent thing between you.

 

Not uncommon to feel like this at the start, but if you have real feelings for her then a little bit further down the road you will realise that it's the last thing you'd wish on her.

 

I'm learning the hard way - you just gotta let it go man :0(

[BlindRage]

Sounds like it's a recent thing between you.

 

Not uncommon to feel like this at the start, but if you have real feelings for her then a little bit further down the road you will realise that it's the last thing you'd wish on her.

 

I'm learning the hard way - you just gotta let it go man :0(

 

She left me 7 months ago..

[BlindRage]

Today I sent her the final e-mail that she will ever hear from me. I know she never looks in her e-mail so I don't think she'll get around to it soon. In it I apologized for every rude thing I had ever said out of anger. I left it at that. I don't think if she reads it it'll mean anything to her but I had to have that as my "closure". I feel that she only sees me as a joke and I just feel bad about it. I wish she could understand where I'm coming from someday.

[brokendreamz]

Have you felt this anger for long? I'm 2 months out after 8 years together, NC for the last 12 days (so difficult - all I want to do is talk to her, but she seems to have completely forgotten who I am and it hurts so much) I thought I'd been through the anger stage but worried I'm going to re visit it perhaps in a bigger way!

[BlindRage]

Well to be completely honest with you.. yes. I've felt like this since the beginning when it ended. I hate that I can't move on and I'm still in square one. Someday I felt good but then a few days into it I felt worst. Its weird to me how people can move on so quick and be so content. I wish I was like that. I want nothing more than to never remember her and be a happy person again.

 

As shocking as it sounds.. I once was a really happy person. I miss those days.

[brokendreamz]

I know what you mean about them moving on quick. I have to believe that mine checked out of the relationship while she was still with me so she's got a few months head start.

 

I also believe they do still care about us, just not in the way we want them to, and when we have contact with them they do their best to make us believe they are better than they are - not to be mean but because they know that if they show the slightest crack, we'll read too much into it and start trying to get them to come back to us!

 

I'm still at the denial stage I think. I really can't believe that after all we went through, all those times she told me I was the one etc she could just ****ing dump me like that. Life really is ****ed up at times.

 

I heard a good saying that's helped me a lot recently - I sort of use it as a mantra 'This too shall pass' I hope it passes sooner rather than later for you mate. Go on holiday or something, get away from everything and everyone you know for a while. Keeping hold of that anger is bringing you down.

[BlindRage]

I'm so caught up with school I can't really afford to holiday at this time. What makes it worst is with the slightest resemblance of her I start getting weepy. Its unfortunate that a classmate reminds me of her. I wish for happiness soon and thank you for your best wishes. I hope you don't have to go through it like I'm taking it.

[giveittofate]

I feel for you man.

 

I'm a little over 3 months out of my first real relationship, with the first girl I ever cared for and loved. I truly never could have imagined her walking away from it so strongly (right around the holidays especially) with no sense of remorse or sadness, especially since she was the one throughout our whole relationship (1.5 years) who always wanted to take it to the next level and have it get serious at a faster rate...It's so hard for me to wrap my head around how people can just call it quits and seem to move on so quickly, with all the love we once shared, but like brokendreams said they checked out before we got the boot, so they defintely got a head start...I think that just show's we'll be the ones who will know how to correctly handle relationships in the future when times get tough and not run away from our problems, but correct them.

 

I can say however compared to the first month and the despair and depression I went through I am at a very slow pace making positive strides to get back on track...like you I seriously never experienced depression or had any bad luck like this ever (i'm 24) and was always super happy go lucky...I feel ya when you say you just want it back and to have that smile on your face again like old times....I'm positive it'll come for us both, let's just hope it's sooner than later.

 

despite all the hard times we're going through and the experience we shared, both good and bad with our ex's I know I personally have grown more so now than ever, and learned some very essential life lessons (im sure you can say the same) so with all these extremely gruesome moments, comes positive growth and learning, which will ultimately help better us for the future.

 

and yeah dude, ha, I deep down loved my ex for who she was the first year, but hate who she has become...and i definitely had thoughts running through my mind of hoping to see her get fat (because she's so attractive now) or get with a dead beat loser, so she'll realize what she lost in me and have it smack her down....I don't think it's evil, just they hurt us so bad, so we just would like a little karma to come their way....but deep down I hope she's ok....good luck on this journey my friend.

[amtz]

My heart goes out to you mates.. YOU will over come this marathon despite it's unknown distance! I like you feel pretty much worse than **** or at least **** makes people feel better afterwards, but I have been through it many of times in the past that you eventually accept loosing someone that once was very important to you and next thing you know it someone else already took there place!

 

Hope I made sense by the mean time stick to this forum it has helped me and many more in the past!

 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE