brokendreamz Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Is it better to have loved and lost or never loved at all!! An age old question - seems like the best place to ask it!!! Personally, at the moment - I wish I'd never loved at all... Link to post Share on other sites
PowerOfOne Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 You certainly can't miss or pine over what you never had. Link to post Share on other sites
screwball Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Better to have loved and lost - I certainly have a lot of fond memories and I grew a lot spiritually following her leaving. Wouldn't trade it for anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Renard99 Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 On this topic I agree with Jay in the with the quote from Men In Black: Kay: You know what they say. It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Jay: Try it! I'm sure I'll change that view in the future but right now, just like Brokendreamz, I wish I hadn't loved. Link to post Share on other sites
Beeotch Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 No one wants pain....but the truth is, life is full of so many dangers and risks but also so much pleasure and joy. Ying and Yang. You can choose to stay locked up inside your house for fear of doing anything...you may never get hurt but you also may never have pleasure and joy. You're just...there Love is never lost. Most people do not ride off into the sunset with the first person they date/get involved with. That is life. You break up with folks and folks break up with you. It is all a learning experience with good and bad times and all those heart breaks and good times help to lead you to where you need to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Good Arms Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Personally, at the moment - I wish I'd never loved at all... That's how I've been feeling for around 4 months. I know I should consider myself lucky; against all odds considering I was a virgin at 31 and have had life-long difficulties/anxiety over socialising (especially around the opposite sex; love shyness I guess you call it) I found myself in a real and intense relationship... I know not every shy/quiet guy has had that chance... it almost felt like it was a gift from God that she went after me (though I'm not a religious person). But right now I'm blinded to all the positives that I should take from the experience. What use was a relationship if it ended just as you felt you were building confidence, leaving you confused, feeling a sense of betrayal (though there was no cheating), bitter, utterly lonely and with your self esteem crushed? My mind can only focus on these negatives right now, whatever I try. I'm finding it hard to feel ANYTHING good about myself, because it feels like she was attracted to me physically (though I've never had confidence in my appearance... possibly mild body dysmorphia even) but in a relatively short space of time she decided she wasn't attracted to who I was beneath that surface. That really hurts me to my core. To be told when on holiday she had stopped been affectionate because she felt like she was making all the decisions, that she wanted me to "man up" and be more "proactive", to stop being nervous around her (I did get more nervous when I sensed something was wrong) - that delivered in one go crushed my already fragile self esteem in an instant. I was left not having a clue what to do, and to be honest I think by then it was always going to be too late to save things. Can't blame her though, if only I could go back with the lessons I've learned and take the lead in the relationship I would, but I know that was something I really found difficult, even impossible, because of where I was coming from. I can still look back to just before the break-up process began and feel those feelings of my love for her as though it was yesterday. It's so hard to switch them off even though there's that overwhelming sense of hurt and betrayal. She moved on within weeks, and I'm still stuck wasting all my emotional energy on her, day in, day out. I know if she wasn't getting what she wanted from the relationship, she had every right to walk away, and I know it wasn't easy for her to be with someone who needed more time than 2 months to build up confidence and adapt to a completely different life... I guess she ultimately lost patience, or just could never understand that someone who's a virgin at 31 (not through choice) probably has some significant insecurities and difficulty being the strong male partner compared to her past boyfriends. The relationship at its best was the most incredible thing I've ever experienced... finally I understood what I was truly missing out on... finding a purpose for the love I knew was within me somewhere waiting to be shared, and feeling wanted in return. The chemical high is intense. I absolutely loved making her smile and satisfying her with intimacy. To suddenly be forced to go cold turkey from those feelings, it's like being hit by a freight train. I hope in time that not seeing the positives will change; I'm sure there's truth & wisdom in the "'Tis better to have loved and lost..." quote. I guess it takes a lot of time to pass before you can appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts