valdeetz1 Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 Short background: Ex fiance(25)- together almost 7 years, left me(24) for another girl (just turned 21)- 180 in personality change, going out partying, ectectect. So its been....roughly 2.5 months. I'm trying to date. I thought I was doing better- feeling more in control of my life. I've lost 20 lbs- dropped two jean sizes- I'm a plus sized girl so I'm looking good Well I've gone a few dates with a guy friend and what not- and one with a guy from work. nothing to serious. Dinner, a movie or whatever. A little hand holding with my guy friend. And I was cool with that. Well last night me and my friend were at his house, watching a movie, and he tried to raise the stakes so to speak- make it more intimate or whatever. He kissed me, and at first I was hesitant, but I let it go on. Well he slipped his hand up under my shirt and I freaked out on him. The moment he did it my ex popped into my mind, and I felt like I was going to throw-up because of it. I was overwhelmed by guilt. I pushed him off me, got up, apologized, and grabbed my stuff. I was crying some, but I wiped it away and told my friend- Look its not you. You didnt do anything wrong, or offend me or anything, I just...its just me- alright I'm not ready. And I dont mean to upset you, and I hope your not mad. he kind of just nodded- said he crossed a line and apologized. and then I left. I feel mad at myself for reacting that way, but at the same time releived. It is just way to soon for that kind of thing. And I was surprised my friend did that. I am frustrated because I feel like I should be able to go do whatever with whom ever with out feeling this way. I'm not sure if its because I've only ever been with my ex, or what. I am not over him by any means- but I am moving on. I'm making plans for the future and I know I'll be ok with out him. Would him being my first and such a LTR be a factor in moving on like this...I mean am I always going to feel so guilty for being with another guy? Rawr! It' just so frustrating. He's off with this new girl, shacked up with her and its no issue for him. Sorry this is turning into a rant. And now I dont even want to talk to my friend any time soon- maybe it would be best to distance myself from him, but I dont want him to think I'm mad at him...what to do what to do But on top of that- when I got home last night I just bawled for like an hour- sat in the shower in cried. It was horrible, and I felt like I had been put on square one all over again. I guess I want to know is this a normal thing for dumpee's ( or just girls) to go through? Link to post Share on other sites
dng Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 But on top of that- when I got home last night I just bawled for like an hour- sat in the shower in cried. It was horrible, and I felt like I had been put on square one all over again. I guess I want to know is this a normal thing for dumpee's ( or just girls) to go through? Yeah its normal. Its not a girl thing, it's a human thing. Your relationship gets broken up, maybe you wanted it or not but you didnt initiate it and right away there's someone else, its hard not to take it personal but you can't take it personal. My thing of many years - she walked out and there was someone else right away. It sucks. You can't be on the rebound, not your type, and he could. I couldn't do it but she could. Such is life. After some weeks it wont sting as much. I'm sorry you have to go through this but wether you want it or not, you'll get better Link to post Share on other sites
Author valdeetz1 Posted March 6, 2011 Author Share Posted March 6, 2011 Thanks DNG- I beleive you're right. It's a human thing, and the kind of person I am, I suppose I just care to deeply to be on the rebound or use someone in such a terrible way. It's just not me. I hope my friend gets that, cause I don't think its a good thing for me to be around him. I'm lonely and like to hang out- but more as friends then as what he evidently wants. So I have to make boundaries. I was begining to think I was crazy. Everyone around me seems to be the type to jump from one relationship to another, and it sickens me cause I guess I thought I was the weird one. But I suppose that means I'm more genuine- my feelings are real and not easily forgotten? Or I just am the type to deal with the bad up front and not hide from it by using others? I guess thats how we ended up with all these broken families and girls with 5 kids and 5 different baby daddies... Link to post Share on other sites
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