My journey to becoming a bitch.....

[loveforever]

Don't worry guys, you don't have to read this....

 

This is my journal where I want to track my steps to becoming a bitch (ref. "Why men love bitches" http://www.amazon.com/Why-Men-Love-Bitches-Relationship/dp/1580627560 ).....

 

Today shall be my first day.....

 

E. (ex-husband, but we're still living together....intrigued ??? read my story in my sig) just got home from the store after just getting some stuff for dinner....I called from upstairs "Did you do grocery shopping ??" and he jelled "What ????? :mad:".....

 

I went downstairs and said "Wow, does that go a little bit harsher ???"....he said "Maybe !!! :mad:".....I said "Am I interrupting your phone conversation ???"....he said "Yes, you are :mad:".....so I turned around and left....and he kept on talking on the blue-tooth....

 

Wow....I'm shocked....he hasn't talked to me like this in forever (ever since the whole divorce crap started).....

 

I just went to apologize and made a major *buhbuh* again....I said "I wanted to apologize for interrupting your conversation, I didn't know you were on the phone. Please tell her I'm sorry for interrupting." He barked at me "It was M. (brother) !!! Not a her !!!!!"....I said "I don't care who....I just wanted to apologize" and I left.....

 

I am crying now and I hate it !!!!!!!

 

I still love him so very much and situations like this scare me that he might not fall in love with me again......

 

And that's exactly why I have to become a bitch.....a bitch like I used to be......when I was younger, skinnier, more confident.....the woman he fell in love with.....

 

So....this shall be my first day.....

 

I will be tracking my ups and downs and expect the worst and hope for the best.....

 

Feel free to comment if you like.....

[loveforever]

Today went ok....after him being pi**ed off with me for accidentally interrupting his phone call with his brother....

 

I apologized, explained why I was acting the way I was lately (missing comfort after mom's death)....he just laid there and listened....didn't say a word...

 

This morning we were talking cordially about little things and he left for work in the afternoon....

 

Anyway....I kept my distance and hope that helps him to not make a hasty decision and me to get closer to my inner bitch .....

 

New day tomorrow.....

[stopthemadness]

Wow ive been reading most of your posts, and am telling you it sounds like your just sitting around waiting for him to dump you. I say stop the madness already!! You tell him"OK this is enough" Iam done begging and pleading for your ass.I try to be nice to you and your still an ass****!And gess please stop saying your sorry for stuff. I have that book too REALLY. wHY MEN LOVE BITCHES..Do what it says make him coolaid and popcorn and work up from there.(Hope that made you smile)..Hang tough women!!and know that you are not alone in your heart ache. Weve ALL been there all of us on this site feel you...I see a threapist every 2 weeks. Have you looked into thaT? ITS A GOOD IDEA....If you think thats a good idea. Get up in the morning and make some calls. Do it for YOU, so you can start to heal.. Keep posting it helps too..Good luck. God Bless. Proverbs 3:5 (check it out, it rings so true)

Edited March 7, 2011 by stopthemadness

[loveforever]

Wow ive been reading most of your posts, and am telling you it sounds like your just sitting around waiting for him to dump you. I say stop the madness already!! You tell him"OK this is enough" Iam done begging and pleading for your ass.I try to be nice to you and your still an ass****!And gess please stop saying your sorry for stuff. I have that book too REALLY. wHY MEN LOVE BITCHES..Do what it says make him coolaid and popcorn and work up from there.(Hope that made you smile)..Hang tough women!!and know that you are not alone in your heart ache. Weve ALL been there all of us on this site feel you...I see a threapist every 2 weeks. Have you looked into thaT? ITS A GOOD IDEA....If you think thats a good idea. Get up in the morning and make some calls. Do it for YOU, so you can start to heal.. Keep posting it helps too..Good luck. God Bless. Proverbs 3:5 (check it out, it rings so true)

 

Thanks for your words.....

 

After my final apology where he pretty much just laid there with a pout and didn't say anything I left him alone and haven't really talked to him since...chit chat about the kids or other important stuff, but nothing else.....

 

I've kept my cool, didn't smile or anything.....

 

It helps that he's working from Sunday to Wednesday this week and I hardly get to see him....

 

That on Saturday caught me totally off guard as he was asking me right before he left if I wanted something from the store.....I said yeah, but it would be too expensive (Haagen Dazs ice cream) and he kept asking me about it......

 

I have 2 theories what happened....

 

1) He got a message from the tattooed chick (the one that sent him half nude pics from her cell....a high school ex from 30 years ago) and that kinda stirred him up.....

 

So when his brother called they were talking about it and I rudely interrupted it....but when I left I heard him say "No, I haven't talked to her in a while".....

 

2) He was talking with his brother about his mom who is seriously ill (breathing machine) and I rudely interrupted....and the comment about not having talked to her in a while was about his mom....which could be true because he just recently told me that she hardly talks more than a minute anymore because she has to catch her breath.....

 

I don't know and to be honest....I don't want to decide what I want to believe right now.....

 

He was cordial with me yesterday and today, even told me "See you tomorrow" as he was just leaving for the dentist and work....he used to just leave when the divorce crap was going on and not say anything.....now he tells me he's leaving.....good thing ?!?!

 

Who cares....I don't right now....

 

It really helps me that I have minimal contact with him until Thursday....and I am planning on not showing up at home Thursday and Friday until it's very late in the evening....Saturday and Sunday I'm going to have to figure something out....just grab the kids and go somewhere most of the day....

 

Little contact is just going to help me detach and help him calm down, relax and maybe even miss me a little.....

 

We'll see....

 

I just started the "Bitch Bible" so I'm still learning .....

[hopeful4someday]

Oh geez.

 

I applaud your getting in touch with your inner bitch... but seriously, your man sounds like a piece of work. You don't have any reason to apologize -- so don't. If he doesn't come around I agree, kick him to the curb.

[loveforever]

Oh geez.

 

I applaud your getting in touch with your inner bitch... but seriously, your man sounds like a piece of work. You don't have any reason to apologize -- so don't. If he doesn't come around I agree, kick him to the curb.

 

You made me laugh ....

 

He is a piece of work....

 

I know how he really is (deep inside) and therefor I know he's worth fighting for.....that's why I didn't throw in the towel yet....

 

Anyway....

 

He came home this morning while I was still getting dressed and oldest son was taking a shower....he asked "Do you want me to take him to school" in his nice tone....

 

I said "No thank you" and walked by him, not looking at him....

 

He was a bit puzzled and went over to youngest son and stroked his hair....son was not paying attention, just watching cartoons....

 

So ex-husband went to the bedroom but stopped in the door, just standing there, I could tell he was still puzzled because no-one was paying him any attention....

 

We then left for school....

 

At lunch youngest and I went home, youngest watched cartoons and I went straight upstairs....ex-h was still sleeping (sort of)....

 

He got up, but I didn't bother looking up from the laptop doing my homework....

 

I looked really good (co-workers even commented that I looked great today) and when son and I left, ex brought son to the car....

 

He told son he wouldn't have to go to school tomorrow, but I said "I want him to go to school in the morning, he can stay with you in the afternoon."....he said "Why ?"....and I just said "Because he needs to not play video games all day (that's what he does when he stays home with daddy ) and you need to sleep in the morning !!!" (daddy is a police officer on night shift) ....and we up and left....

 

That was my day today.....it left me feeling pretty good about myself....more confident and happy.....

 

Tomorrow evening he will be home, but I already made plans to not be home much....he can have kid time and I'll make myself scarce....

 

[loveforever]

And one step back .....

 

He came home this morning (15 minutes later than usual) so I thought he had court or a late arrest.....therefor I didn't put my make-up on yet and was going to do it at work....

 

But here he comes.....

 

I am in the kitchen, trying to not look at him, ignoring him as good as I can....

 

"I can bring **** (oldest son) to school." he says....

 

I said "No thanks. You need to sleep."....

 

"I'm wide awake, I can bring him"...he says....

 

My mistake #1: "Why are you wide awake?"

 

"You don't want to know".....

 

Mistake #2: "Just tell me already"....

 

So he tells me about the last call he had.....

 

Youngest son comes in the kitchen and asks to play video games .....

 

I tell him no and when I see son and my ex-husband cuddling together I melt....MISTAKE #3 :mad:

 

I go on telling him about the night before and we smile at each other *melt* *melt* *melt*.....

 

Gosh....I wanted to slap myself silly !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I just came home from work on lunch break and he was eating....

 

I retreated to the laptop right away and after a couple of minutes he came upstairs...

 

He stood there for a couple of minutes.....then he asked me what we had for dinner last night....and when I'll be home....

 

I said "I don't know. Just cook for the boys and you or save some for me or whatever....I don't care"....

 

He stood there like he was thinking about something then started playing with the dog right in front of me.....

 

Now he's gone to take a shower....

 

I will try to stay out of the house tonight, but I got 2 papers due and I have to use the computer for that....so we will see.....

 

Have to make another step forward !!!!!!!!

 

Btw.....my friend and co-worker said today that next time she goes out I need to come and I said that would be awesome !!!!!!

 

I hope that will happen soon....I need some fun in my life !!!!!!!

[loveforever]

Thursday afternoon I came home and went straight to work on the computer for college.

 

He came upstairs to tell me he was going to take the oldest for his school's open house....

 

He told me they haven't had dinner yet and what I would want for him to bring and where from....

 

Thanks to the "Bitch Bible" I answered wisely....I asked him what he had the last couple of nights for dinner (at work) and then I decided what we're going to have....

 

Wow....that was easy....no argument...no fussing...

 

When I was finally done with school work it was already after midnight....

 

I decided to take a hot shower because I was cold....

 

When I was done I crawled into bed....I fell asleep instantly, but was shortly thereafter woken by his sighing, huffing and tossing....

 

I said "Are you alright ?!?!?".....he said "I can't sleep"....he just started this new shift and is still not used to it....

 

So he finally got up and drank some booze and watched some TV.

 

After a while I woke up to his hands all over me.....since I didn't respond right awayss he stopped and moved over to his side....

 

But now I was in the mood....

 

So I ended up telling him what to do....something I never have done, but it was fun.....I enjoyed it very much !!!!!!

 

Anyway....

 

Today I got home and he asked me if I wanted to go to the pizza place with him and the boys and my oldest son's best friend (they're having a sleepover)....

 

So we went....I tried to look as good as possible....

 

He seemed pretty annoyed, not by me, but by my son's friend ....

 

I had to wait for my spinach pizza while they were eating and when the waiter brought, it the friend just took one of my slices ....

 

A while later my ex got up to get more food and when he came back he had 2 slices of piping hot spinach pizza on his plate....for me ....and I was wondering why he was waiting there at the counter....

 

He actually thought of me !!!!

 

When the boys went to play the arcade we were talking about all kinds of stuff....smiling and laughing.....

 

It was really nice.....

 

But don't worry, I'm still going to use the advice of the

"Bitch Bible"....

 

Tomorrow I'm going to go shopping....gotta find a nice shirt to wear when we're going to SixFlags on Sunday..... :bunny: :bunny:

[loveforever]

Well...I didn't go shopping for the shirt because I was thinking about saving the money....I don't really want to buy anything while I'm still in this body (171 lbs as of this morning).....

 

Anyway....

 

Today we went to Six Flags with the boys....

 

On the way there he told me about construction that is going on in his old beat (he's a police officer) and some more small talk....nice and with smiles....

 

Our little one....who this day was supposed to be for....didn't enjoy it at all as he is apparently afraid of heights, fast movement and stuff....didn't know any of that....

 

So ex-h was getting a bit edgy since he just dished out about $ 150 for this....

 

So we decided to eat something.....and that's when the little one actually lightened up a bit.....

 

We met Daffy Duck and Tweety and had funnel cake (soooooo yummy)....he shared his soda with me and I got some nice smiles....

 

We finally made it back home and I was exhausted crashing in bed....

 

That was the day so far....don't think much is going to happen anymore since it's late.....

 

Tomorrow I have to work....since I'll be out early because of spring break I will go to the gym right after and maybe catch a movie....then go home so ex-h can go to work....

 

That's my plan.....

[loveforever]

A lot of guys jell when women become bitches.

 

Ok....better...."He shouted"....because I was upstairs and he was downstairs....

 

You just hear bitches and think bitch....but it should have been called "strong, more independent woman"....

 

Not the bitch you all think of....you got to read the book to understand it...sorry

... and they all end up on "Springer" together

 

Sorry, but we're not white trash.....by far !!!!!!

 

It's hard to bring emotions and what is being said across the right way on the internet....

[ReturnToSender]

Im interested to see how things go for you... I have the same book, and also Kiss My Tiara... I think Im hopeless, Im still the girl that everyone who knows me would describe as "the sweetest, nicest girl youll ever meet who would bend over backwards to help anyone" a huge part of me loves doing it, I want to do what I can to take care of the ones I love, and 100 fold for my child and the man in my life. Problem is its always the man in my life who takes it for granted... And plenty of it is my fault because Im so agreeable, so easy to adjust, so quick to compromise, that I think more about my man and not much of myself that what makes me happy and my needs kind of get overlooked by him too.

 

I know you know this, but for a clear understanding of what these books are about for those who see the word Bitch and come to hasty conclusions...its to teach women like me how to assert themselves because we are just as important to look out for as the people we love.The bitch earns mroe respect than the too nice girl because the bitch respects herself enough to look out for herself.

 

The bitch isnt mean or cruel or treat anyone wrong...not that kind of bitch, this is the one where like sometimes strong women who go after what they want are called a bitch because they refuse to settle for less than what they think they deserve and meet thier needs first instead of putting everyone else ahead of her.

 

I, however, have proven to be unteachable LoL Even reading what I have, knowing what I know and trying to put it all into practice...I still have a hard time saying no or putting myself first, or even second or third...theres always something or someone or whatever that I need to turn my attention to.

 

I may as well stencil "WELCOME" on my face...blah. Anyway, maybe I should find my books and read them again, even if for inspiration.

[loveforever]

Im interested to see how things go for you... I have the same book, and also Kiss My Tiara... I think Im hopeless, Im still the girl that everyone who knows me would describe as "the sweetest, nicest girl youll ever meet who would bend over backwards to help anyone" a huge part of me loves doing it, I want to do what I can to take care of the ones I love, and 100 fold for my child and the man in my life. Problem is its always the man in my life who takes it for granted... And plenty of it is my fault because Im so agreeable, so easy to adjust, so quick to compromise, that I think more about my man and not much of myself that what makes me happy and my needs kind of get overlooked by him too.

 

I know you know this, but for a clear understanding of what these books are about for those who see the word Bitch and come to hasty conclusions...its to teach women like me how to assert themselves because we are just as important to look out for as the people we love.The bitch earns mroe respect than the too nice girl because the bitch respects herself enough to look out for herself.

 

The bitch isnt mean or cruel or treat anyone wrong...not that kind of bitch, this is the one where like sometimes strong women who go after what they want are called a bitch because they refuse to settle for less than what they think they deserve and meet thier needs first instead of putting everyone else ahead of her.

 

I, however, have proven to be unteachable LoL Even reading what I have, knowing what I know and trying to put it all into practice...I still have a hard time saying no or putting myself first, or even second or third...theres always something or someone or whatever that I need to turn my attention to.

 

I may as well stencil "WELCOME" on my face...blah. Anyway, maybe I should find my books and read them again, even if for inspiration.

 

You worded it very nicely....Thanks !!!!!

 

Trust me....I too am having a difficult time once in a while to stick to the "rules".....

 

Things don't change over night....

 

I used to be a "bitch" when he met me and obviously it attracted him...

 

I've known everything I should be doing already....it was just tucked in the very back of the closet I guess....

 

But having lived like the nice girl for over 10 years makes it hard to find your inner bitch again....

 

I'm hopeful though !!!!!

[loveforever]

Things were going good the last couple of days....he was working so there were only few times we saw and talked to each other.....when we did I kept it short and cordial....

 

I just got home from work and he asked me the dreaded "What do you want to eat" question again .....this usually turns into a stupid game...."I don't know, what do you like" type of game....

 

Not this time....the Bitch Bible claims that men like decisiveness....so I said "Burger or Dominos".....

 

While we're deciding which burger place he laid on the stairs and was playing with the dog....being all cute and stuff....and funny thing...I caught him looking to see if I was watching a couple of times....

 

He was smiling and laughing and ohhhh so f**king sexy !!!!!!!!

 

So he went to get burgers....

 

We always said that we were destined to be with each other....there are just so many coincidences that us getting together must have been fate....

 

Today was another such coincidence....

 

Our youngest sons birthday is on Saturday and we went to an amusement park last weekend to do something special for him....and son hated it !!!!

 

So this weekend ex-h is going to a car show and I was planning on doing something else for our son on his birthday....something he'd enjoy....

 

Today ex-h asked me if I had figured something out yet....

 

I said "Actually, I was thinking about going to a safari park with them which is about 1 1/2 hours away from here" and he started laughing .....

 

He said "It never fails, does it ???"....

 

I thought what the heck did I do now ????

 

He said "I was talking to C. (co-worker) about what to do on Saturday and she told me about a safari park about 1 1/2 hours away and I was going to suggest it to you !!!!".....

 

So that's most likely what we're going to do on Saturday....I'm exited !!!!

 

Anyway....I wish he wasn't so stinkin' cute .....it's hard to stick to the 180 and Bitch Bible that way....

 

Ok, gotta go back to my homework....