I need to move on. My story..........

[Need To Move On]

Hi everybody. I've been reading these posts for weeks and I can't resist sharing my story with everyone. I would love to hear everyone's opinion. Thanks in advance.

 

I was with my GF for almost 2yrs. We are both 27. I treated her like a princess (she even admits that). She has some issues (self-esteem, controlling, jealousy, temper etc). She did not treat me the way I should have been. There was some "good" to the relationship of course but I'm focusing on the negative right now. She broke up with me 1 month ago because she says "something" was missing. She broke up with me 2 days before my birthday by the way. How nice. She basically wants drama in her life (fights, arguments etc) but I will not get sucked into that game because I am a gentlmen and I treat anyone I'm with accordingly. I am not one to play childish games. This in the end worked against me if you can believe that. Her past relationships where all garbage and they all ended with arguments. Nothing serious at all, just 5-6 month relationships. I came along and showed her how she should be treated but in the end it was for naught.

 

I know that it is for the better and I am not dreaming of getting back together. She had more to lose by breaking up with me. I thought of breaking up with her at times because of the way she treated me and I did not feel appreciated. I was in one long term relationship and I know how I should be treated. I have experienced a real good solid relationship in the past. I just miss having "someone" to talk to, wake up next to, etc. I don't really miss "her" as I miss just having someone. So I realize that she was not the one for me.

 

The thing is, physically, she was exactly to my liking and that is what I miss the most right now. That and the physical aspects of our relationship. I know that is shallow but I can't help it. For the most part I have been doing ok but some days I get a thought of her and I get this ugly feeling in the pit of my stomach and I might lost my appetite for a little bit. I hate it! I am someone who thinks about the past to see what I did wrong and what to avoid in the future. I study the past, it's just the way I am. But that means she is on my mind alot. How do I get past this?

 

My roommate is a good friend of hers and I found out that this weekend she went out to a club and showed up with another guy! 1 month has gone by and she's with another guy already. Atleast it seems that way. She always has tons of guy friends and no girl friends really. So he could be nothing but the thought of her with some other guy now makes me fell terrible and I don't know why. I know how ugly she can get at times with her temper and I know it's for the best but I get mad thinking of her with some other guy so soon. She was a mess when she broke up with me. Crying like there was no tomorrow. I held myself together. She was a complete mess. I was the only guy who ever stayed at her place and slept in her bed and the thought of some other guy over there makes me ill. Why do I care about someone who would do all this garbage to me? I don't get it. Why can I not turn myself off emotionally when it comes to her? I want to move on. I don't want to feel bad and lonely and be all stressed out over someone who doesn't deserve one second of my time

 

I am going to see her in 1 month because my roommate is having a party at our place. That should be interesting. She cannot look me in the eyes because of the guilt she is feelling. She is not 100% sure of her decision but she felt she had to do it. How do I move on?

 

I emailed her after we broke up just because I still had some questions that I needed answered. She responded and I guess it helped somewhat. That is the only contact we have had. After hearing that she was out with some guy, I got real mad (and I'm a laid back guy). I have taken the high road and never got mad at her while going through the breakup but now I feel like sending one final email and throwing the whole "nice guy" routine out the window. I want to tell her exactly what's been on my mind all this time we were together. It won't be a pretty email. I'm split on if I should do it or not. We are not getting back together and I will be better off in the long run so I am not concerned of the repercussions of sending this email. I don't care if she sees that I am hurting or whatever.

 

I could write for days but I'll stop there. Any advice/comments/questions/concerns would be greatly appreciated

 

Thanks

[iceprincess]

Hi, there, I'm also new to this post, but I've found it to be a great place where people give advice and help each other out. Hmmm...you say that you know the relationship was bad for you, and that you stayed with her even when she treated you wrong. From your last couple of sentences, it sounds like you really DO love her. Love is weird like that. I kind of got a feeling from reading your thread, that SHE knew you didn't like the direction the relationship was going, so instead of waiting for you to break it off with her, she did it FIRST. I don't even know why I'm telling you this, because I'm younger and your older, but these are just my some things I would say to any of my friends. You sound like a person who makes good/honest decisions and I can tell you don't want to get hurt any more. Although you are missing and wanting to be with her, do what's best for you, even if you may not like it.

[Goatsbreath]

Hi need to move on.....funny thing here.. I could of almost wrote your post word for word and it would be my situation. Your X sounds exactly like mine with all the anger and stuff and you sound just like me....putting up with it. I put up with alot more however- cheating to be one. Anyway, I know what your going through. I feel all those feelings... wondering how I could love someone that treats me so wrong. Finding myself physically attatched and wondering if thats all it was. These are some of the things or realizations that I have made but I dont know how much they will help. They sound good on paper but its hard to stand inside them in real life.

 

ok, well for starters, sometimes I think let that other guy have all that **** that goes along with her. Shes a basket of anger so let him deal with it- good luck buddy. ha ha- jokes on you

 

ok- well thats when im flustered and mad.

 

ok- We are probably in love with the idea of what we hoped this person could be- not actually the person. Sure- she would be great if she wasn't a royale bitch half the time and cheating on me the other half.

 

- Her behavior- you can try and try to understand it but you never will. You are only hurting yourself. Even so- I thought about it/// ha ha- the anger. It has to do with her past, perhaps family issues. Whatever it is- these people don't feel right unless there is some sort of chaos imposed upon their life. When everything is going to good they have to throw in a wrench to mix it up a little. Dont know why- thats just how they are.

 

The truth is - we need to move on. You said it. Writing her the letter will only give her the pleasure of knowing that you are consumed by the situation. My X cried and cried and told me how much she loved me when we were breaking up and she didn't know why she did all those horrible things to me but thats just her way of playing the cards. It only means she wants to have you hanging around a little longer so she can yank your stomache out after she has your heart. Don't do it man.....Move on. Its over. There will be a day you find the one and you will wonder what you ever saw in her......Then you will only remember legs spread wide and you will laugh

 

good luck

[moimeme]

The thing is, physically, she was exactly to my liking and that is what I miss the most right now.

 

One more example of how biology bests our brains I was in that state for a while, too, after my breakup but, thank heavens, unlike any other form of 'addiction', it does pass and eventually you completely forget what it is that was so attractive.

[murphomatic]

Both you guys have similiar situations to mine. Was dating a nice gal for about 1.5 years that had low self-esteem also. Tough to explain how she was, other than she'd often see things I did as attacks on her/her character, when in fact I never had any intentions of such. Led me to feel very unappreciated, and her feeling very excluded.

 

She moved in with me back in June, and I got the notion in July to buy a house. So, I did - solely on my own. I told her that while it would be my house financially, that I wanted to share that with her to make it our home. Should we get married one day, she would gain the financial aspect of it then, but it would still be her same-old home. I don't know that she understood this completely. She never took any pride in the house, or pride in me for achieving it. She said that she always felt as though she were living in someone else's house, despite my encouragement for her to set the place up, decorate as she would like, etc. She never seemed to get the motivation to do any of that stuff, and when I would step in and do something (got tired of living out of boxes for a month), she would get upset with me. She became very possessive of the things she officially "owned".

 

Things became so petty and we bickered non-stop. A couple of extremely petty examples stick out in my mind. Imagine the setting - her entertainment center - for the most part setup in the living room. The one thing that remains to be done to it is to mount the glass door on the front of it. My hands had already been slapped for hanging pictures, or any of that sort of thing, so I, milling around one evening looking for something to do, figured I'd just make myself useful and put that door on - was tired of it leaning up against the wall. The mounting hardware had been packed away previously, and I asked her if she had found it. She said that she had - but that she wanted to be the one to put the door on. I thought that was funny, but didn't argue - just told her that if she felt she needed to do it - no problem. It didn't happen that day, the next, or the next. After several days passed, I asked her again and we fought over it. She basically told me she didn't "trust" me to handle the job without breaking the door, and that she thought my time-constraints to be unreasonable. I'm no Oaf - and I have my own entertainment center w/TWO doors in it - so I have the experience down. Does anyone else move into a house and spend a month before you set up your living room furniture or hang a picture on any of the walls?

 

One more - sorry if this is boring you, but I'm only trying to provide entertainment at my own expense.. :/

 

She put all our food away in the pantry in an admirable fashion. One day weeks later, I was looking for a particular canned good. The cans were in a large stack on top of each other, making searching difficult. I remembered that I had some lazy-susans (spinning trays) I could put some of the stacks on - allowing us to rotate the food and access it more conveniently. So, I threw a few of them on the shelves in the pantry. She's pissed about it. While I saw it as myself just adding my part, she saw it as me attacking and tearing apart her work.

 

I began to pull back from her emotionally. She began to tell me that she felt she wasn't being allowed to participate in the relationship and that I wasn't meeting her needs. I was at a loss for words as I felt that I had only offered her encouragement and support about the things she wanted to do ranging from school/career to decor, but that she never seemed to look at me with more seriousness than what one would give an 8 year old child. The petty things drove that home -- the feeling of lacking respect and appreciation.

 

We decided to split. It was mutual, but if it came down to brass tacks, I suppose I was the one that asked her to move out. When I did, she responded with the fact that she had already looked at some apartments, so the handwriting was not only on the wall - it was flashing neon colors.

 

It took her two weeks to get into the apartment she'd found. During that time period, our relationship was just like old times. We were loving and supportive of each other, didn't bicker and fight. It seemed like all the pressure was off - but really I saw the change in her. I never felt any "pressure" from the get go, but it seemed that maybe she had. This, of course, all made everything much more difficult - reinforced the positive things about our relationship, but she had signed on the lease and we had gone past the point-of-no-return.

 

I saw her lastnight. Went to over to her new apartment to help her set up her computer. She took me out to dinner. We got back and I went to work on her computer, she started back-seat-driving. Now, computers are my profession, and she knows very little about them. She started to suggest that some of the problem she had with it were because of the things I had done to it - which I knew to be totally inaccurate. The bickering was going to start, but I resisted, finished the work, grabbed my things and bid her goodnight. She was somewhat shocked - I don't think she understands the image she conveys to me.

 

I find myself so confused from time to time - I honestly miss her. I think you said it correctly Goat - we were more in love with the idea than anything else - and that is what I'm missing. Af far as my lady -- we can't communicate w/each other effectively. I don't know that I'll go back or call her.. I'm becoming more convinced we don't stand a chance at getting along. At any rate, I'm sure you're tired of reading about this petty crap that isn't worth all the effort of busting up a relationship over, so I'll just say "Thanks" for letting me vent and ramble on like a madman... ...

 

Sean...