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So lucky I had a good break-up


0hpenelope

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I just had a better closure with my ex a couple of minutes ago. He said he wanted to stay friends, but I told him I'm not interested in being just a friend to him and that I wanted him back in the future. He stressed out about that, that he didn't think that it would work out the 2nd time because the first time didn't work out, that he'll feel guilty because I'm "waiting" for him on the sidelines, and that it might turn me into a "back up" option.

 

He's so convinced that we won't work out the second time, but well... I used to be on the same boat as he is ("Second chances don't work out"), but LS has shown me so many stories and experiences that it's quite hard to believe him. He believes it now but it's hard to say that he won't change his mind about it ever. Maybe he won't change his mind for sure, but it's a good thing I won't be in touch to know. :o For now, I believe that he won't change his mind. It's what I need to remember in order to feel better.

 

I told him that getting back together wouldn't be a "back up plan" because we'll both move on. My memory isn't going to stop him from meeting new girls that he wants to get to know; likewise, his memory isn't going to stop me from getting to know new guys who might be good for me. Moving on from each other is a good thing so that if we see each other again in the future, we'll be different people and we can start at zero. We won't have the bad memories from the first relationship.

 

I told him I'm not interested in being a friend and I'm not waiting on him to come back. But if he changes his mind about us someday, then he can call me. And who knows, I might already be with someone else or I'll be 100% over him. I'm not interested in staying in touch with him because that will reinforce platonic feelings, which is something I don't want to have with him.

 

I got lucky that I had a good boy. It's not surprising that I'm having a hard time letting go, but it's much better now. He really does need to be alone and truth be told, I do too. He's not thinking about the future, just focusing on himself. I'm thinking about the future - but my own, without him.

 

I just wanted to share my story. Homebrew, you helped make this possible, too. Thanks, bro.

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Nice to read a positive outlook on here :) Just sending my best wishes!

 

Thanks, Keridan. There's something to be said about positive outlooks - good things happen to those who are positive about things.

 

I do miss him very much, though. It's so sad to realize that he won't be in my life anymore and he's quite adamant about not coming back. But like I said, life has a funny way of making things work out.

 

Just as he's definite about not coming back, I'm definite about not being friends with him. It's not a strategy to get him to come back to me, but not being friends with him definitely increases the likelihood of that.

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allroundniceguy

Really enjoyed reading your post 'Ohpenelope' and what you said really reasonated with my recent experience. I really enjoyed the positive tone you put to it as well - so important as some of the posts on this site can be terribly negative.

 

Not trying to hijack your post but thought I'd provide a quick summary of my situation to show how what you did really was the best approach. I wish I had declined the 'friends' offer when this girl I was dating for a short period of time pulled the pin all of a sudden (also on good terms). But I got caught out by the shock of the situation (largely because I totally fell for her - was impossible to avoid unfortunately) and made the mistake of taking the friends offer. She kind of left the door open as her decision was based on combination of ridiculously hectic schedule and potential for her to move away in coming months. But in hindsight I think she was just being nice, so I should have done exactly what you did and said "well, let me know how things go and give me a call if you change your mind and circumstances change". I've now gone NC which has been very useful. If she comes back, then we'll see what happens but given she hasn't been in touch since, not getting my hopes up and although I believe second chances are possible, you are right in saying that you need to focus on numero uno first!

 

Anyway, really hope things work out for you. There's no getting away from the fact that you miss the person, but I've already gotten back into the dating scene and feel a hell of a lot better for it. I'm sure you will have no problems based on the sort of person you appear to be.

 

Oh, and Homebrew's advice? Superb! He's not Dr Phil in disguise by any chance? Hehe. My personal favourite is the one entitled "For me". Check it out (if you haven't already).

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Really enjoyed reading your post 'Ohpenelope' and what you said really reasonated with my recent experience. I really enjoyed the positive tone you put to it as well - so important as some of the posts on this site can be terribly negative.

 

Aww thanks man. I mean, it's hard enough to do that. It's much easier to be negative about stuff, but I guess I chose not to be. I didn't want to be bitter about things. Not with this guy. Even if he turns out to be a liar about everything he said, at least I look pretty good in the break up. :lmao:

 

Not trying to hijack your post but thought I'd provide a quick summary of my situation to show how what you did really was the best approach. ...

 

Honestly, I've NO idea if I did the "best" thing by laying out my cards on the table. :sick: The dude freaked out about the future talk, but I kept my cool and tried to maintain my cool as best I could. It hurt to hear that he didn't think a second chance was possible because he's done it before and he wants to move on. I reminded him that I'm not his ex that he did that with and became friends with; and that not being friends with him is the exact reason why moving on will be easier for us. We won't concern ourselves with each other's business and we'll grow... So when we meet again, he and I won't quite be the same because of new experiences. Second chances can't be similar to the first relationship anyway. Time and distance are what needs to happen to make that possible but dammit, it was hard to explain that to him.

 

I want a second chance. Staying in touch with him just won't make that possible because we don't have space from each other. And without him, I get to move on, too. I can let go of him completely.

 

Anyway, really hope things work out for you. There's no getting away from the fact that you miss the person, but I've already gotten back into the dating scene and feel a hell of a lot better for it. I'm sure you will have no problems based on the sort of person you appear to be.

 

Oh, and Homebrew's advice? Superb! He's not Dr Phil in disguise by any chance? Hehe. My personal favourite is the one entitled "For me". Check it out (if you haven't already).

 

Yeah, I've been reading his stuff. Just wondering how much of it is his own work but for what it's worth, he's been helpful. He took the time to listen to me. A lot of what I did was based on his advice, but again, not a strategy or game of pulling the boy back in. I can't force someone to be attracted to me. I'll just have to see how things go.

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I just had a better closure with my ex a couple of minutes ago. He said he wanted to stay friends, but I told him I'm not interested in being just a friend to him and that I wanted him back in the future. He stressed out about that, that he didn't think that it would work out the 2nd time because the first time didn't work out, that he'll feel guilty because I'm "waiting" for him on the sidelines, and that it might turn me into a "back up" option.

 

He's so convinced that we won't work out the second time, but well... I used to be on the same boat as he is ("Second chances don't work out"), but LS has shown me so many stories and experiences that it's quite hard to believe him. He believes it now but it's hard to say that he won't change his mind about it ever. Maybe he won't change his mind for sure, but it's a good thing I won't be in touch to know. :o For now, I believe that he won't change his mind. It's what I need to remember in order to feel better.

 

I told him that getting back together wouldn't be a "back up plan" because we'll both move on. My memory isn't going to stop him from meeting new girls that he wants to get to know; likewise, his memory isn't going to stop me from getting to know new guys who might be good for me. Moving on from each other is a good thing so that if we see each other again in the future, we'll be different people and we can start at zero. We won't have the bad memories from the first relationship.

 

I told him I'm not interested in being a friend and I'm not waiting on him to come back. But if he changes his mind about us someday, then he can call me. And who knows, I might already be with someone else or I'll be 100% over him. I'm not interested in staying in touch with him because that will reinforce platonic feelings, which is something I don't want to have with him.

 

I got lucky that I had a good boy. It's not surprising that I'm having a hard time letting go, but it's much better now. He really does need to be alone and truth be told, I do too. He's not thinking about the future, just focusing on himself. I'm thinking about the future - but my own, without him.

 

I just wanted to share my story. Homebrew, you helped make this possible, too. Thanks, bro.

 

Yeah my stbx of 10 years said that maybe we could be friends in 5 years, and I said no. I told her that if she didn't want me in her life as her husband then she couldn't have me at all. I still care about her, and would like to get back together with her someday. I do have a son with her and will always long to be together as a family again.

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Yeah my stbx of 10 years said that maybe we could be friends in 5 years, and I said no. I told her that if she didn't want me in her life as her husband then she couldn't have me at all. I still care about her, and would like to get back together with her someday. I do have a son with her and will always long to be together as a family again.

 

Yeah, we do need to put our foot down. As my cousin told me, when you love a person that way and they hurt you so much, there's just no way that you can be friends because they caused you so much heartache. I think it's true. It's like when I think of my ex before the recent ex. I can't believe I was so into him and now that I think about him, the thought makes my skin crawl.

 

I can't wait to get into the same mindset with this recent ex. Hahah!

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