dng Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 I'm reposting this here. I posted it in second chances but I know more people know me and my story here. --- Long story, long story. Oh I wavered and wavered. Last NC lasted for well over 1 month. Not much by alot of people's standards but it was alot of efforts for me to stay away from her that I've loved on and off for 9 years. She has loved me so hard, like no one else before. She has always forgiven me every mistake I've done. We have kept each other together for years, and took each other apart a bunch of times too. It took alot of flings and nights out to keep me occupied. When she bounced we talked every 2-3 days but she was cold. She was doing most of the calling and texting but it was mostly "keep in touch" information and contacts. After a month she crushed on some dude. She didnt say anything about it to me for another month and when she told me they were already over but she pretended nothing had happened. I freaked out, lashed out. Then tried my best to stay cool and show her I really meant to not lose her for good. There was no begging but alot of questions; are you sure this is what you want? Do you really want to run the risk of losing our thing forever? Her answers were always in the line of "I don't know but I'm mad at you and we can't be together right now". She didn't tell me what had really happened after another month and I dropped out of sight and told her we were done. At that point we were 3 months apart. Followed 3 months of me being NC, and her breaking throught every month or so but I was so angry I would only lash at her and destroy all her efforts of getting back together and then go NC again. I asked her so many times to leave me alone. I got really hardcore, blocked her everywhere, even on my phone. I found her to be somewhat untruthful and very unreliable during the whole period. She had started BC therapy and told me she couldn't come back until she figured out what was wrong with her. Then the next day would ask to come see me, I would agree. But then I would feel she wasn't sure and I would cancel the meeting and run for hills. I think I have to state that when she left, she said it was temporary. After a while, she started saying she wasn't sure she loved me anymore and had to figure it out. Now she's back to saying it was always temporary and whatever things she said to the contrary, she was trying to be tought with me because she had always been too soft. My phone later crashed and I restored it but didn't restore the blocking settings. She called me on the 31th of december but I ignored. Later on, I broke NC. On the 2nd of Jan, happy new year, wish you find happiness and balance in your life. First xmas without her for a decade. Mistake? Possibly. She blew up my phone and we ended talking for something like 6 hours last night. She cried me an ocean. Regrets leaving everyday, regrets having a rebound thing and said it made her feel better but not for long. She said she broke it off after telling me "I met someone" because I lashed out and freaked out. She told me she wonders if she unconciously did that to make to sure I would never take her back. She said she realized it was her fault for making this mess, her own insecurities made her leave and she left for the wrong reasons. She told me she wants to see me and do anything for me and would like me to take her back but its my decision. I agreed to let her come by tonight, which means she has to take a bus for 3 hours. I made it clear to her I wasn't a plan B and if I detected anything I didn't like I would not entertain the idea of getting back together. Am I making a fool of myself here? Link to post Share on other sites
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