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Ups and down, emotional day


bl22

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*DONT READ IF YOU PLAN ON WATCHING 'LET ME IN'* reveals a part in it...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hmm where to begin. Been keeping as busy as possible lately to keep my mind off her. Today i thought it'd be great to go gym then watch a film later on.

 

Problem is, my favourite music, became her favourite music. My film taste became her film taste. So on the way to the gym, im listening to my music and I fancy listening to some jonsi. I took her to see him in september and she said it was the best night of her life.

At this moment I'm feeling really upbeat, not even thinking of her, just looking forward to todays gym session. Arrive at the gym...decent session, cardio day so 20 mins running 20 mins cross trainer 20 mins of brutal stairmaster. Great.

 

When i arrive at the cinema (yes on my own, I used to go with her all the time) i fancy watching 'Let me in' cause I know I'll enjoy it. Problem is, we watched the original on our first date when it came out. Maybe I shouldnt have watched that film but I thought **** it, I aint not listening and watching the things i liked because of her, I aint being a prisoner in having to watch what I do...so yeah I watched it.

 

Great film, but damn it made me so emotional, partly due to 1 addition they added to the film which kinda freaked me out a little. In the new version they speak to each other through the walls through knocking, and I know this may sound silly, but thats what we used to do!!!

 

She would be having a shower and id be in her room and she'd knock through the walls and I knew exactly what she was saying or we'd be holding hands somewhere where we cant speak and tap talk to each other, just like in this film!!! I find it ironic they've included this in the remake of the first film we watched together.

 

Got home and felt really ****in emotional, todays been the biggest ups and downs but its all part of coping, I'd love love love to text her saying I'd just watched it and it reminded me of us, but that will do no ****ing good. And I know she will watch it sometime soon....but what will she think?! she cant not be reminded of me watching it, we had such a loving relationship and I think it'd going to hit her hard like it did today for me.

 

Anyway guys, this post may seem insignificent but I wanted to share it with you all rather than keep it bottled up inside. Feel free to comment.

Edited by bl22
slight spoiler
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Cheers for reading and reply Swfc_77. Not really my style of music i listen too but I apprecaite the input :) how you getting on atm?

 

Seems like everyday is a rollercoaster of emotions for me, never felt like this before, 1 second happy as hell the next i feel like crying, its pathetic.

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Feel free to write about your rollercoaster ride - thats what we're here for! (and I know I'm still on that ride too) I think getting out there and doing stuff that is "linked" to her is a sign of how far you've come in your healing process. Took me a year before I could listen to 'our' song and not even realize it was that song until 1/2 way into it. But make sure you don't do things like that to the extent where it makes you sad and go backwards - only you will know how much you can 'tolerate'. Even now, over a year later things remind me of him but I only think about him for a few mins then move on. Little steps! Pretty soon you can do stuff like that and think about her for a second and move on with your day and not be emotional about it. But the ride of emotions is natural. Sounds like you're taking an active role in your healing journey, going to the gym, not staying in your house! Good for you. Anyways, just wanted to comment - I read your threads pretty frequently

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It's not pathetic! Okay well it is. But I tell myself it's not because I'm feeling the same thing! It's wierd when you see/hear something and remember exactly how it reminds you of your ex. I get it ALL the time! So many films and songs and items at the shops! It just makes you wonder if they see it and think of you or not? and do they get affected by it?

 

I know it shouldn't matter, but it does to me! In a wierd way it shows just how strong a connection we had (and kinda still have!). I really cannot imagine making new memories and associating things with another girl as I think my ex has covered most things to associate with her!

 

Anyways I digress! Basically what I wanted to say is I like reading your posts as believe it or not our situations similar! You seem to think like me and tbh I can 100% see why today was such an emotional day! Sometimes you know when your watching something if you dont turn it off then ...... Your ex pops into your head and you get emotional (btw when I say pops into your head I don't mean your not thinking of her all the time, but stronger reminiscent thoughts come up).

 

Anyways I keep missing the point! I really hope 2m is better. You really will do better but in the meantime, stay positive and when you feel down, post on here and we are all here for you.

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put it this way mate you have got bigger boll.ox than me if you can sit through a film you and your ex watched together some time ago.

 

even listening to music she liked i cant anymore.

 

i'v been out and about tonight and ended up in a bar and kings of leon sex on fire came on and i'v never liked it or cared for it but she said it was our song. i just went outside for a smoke while it went off.

 

you dont need to put yourself through that find new films, not romantic ones though and find new music something uplifting feel good music.

 

im only telling you this because its all i have to grab at the minute

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Thanks for the replies guys, its good to have this site to let it out when you need too.

 

I mean, i've actually had a really fun day today, even when I got quite emotional during and after the film, it wasn't a sadness, it was a strange feeling. Kinda like a sad/happy feel...very hard to explain.

 

Happy reasons -

 

Brave enough to watch the film by myself and be out alone

Enjoying myself without her

Realised whilst watching the film, she will miss me. I realised there are so many reminders around of the loving things we did together that it will be near imposible for her to avoid, and when it hits her, she will realise im not there anymore, im gone...and she will have to deal with the guilt unlike me.

 

 

Sad reasons -

 

Being alone without her

Being reminded of our first date

Not having her there for the first time in 2 years

Not being able to see/ring/txt and tell her about my day

Realising it's over

 

 

Been quite a surreal day also, was driving home and since its bonfire time here in england, fireworks were going off left right and centre...was very nice to see...

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I think it's great you listed the happy reasons. "Enjoying myself without her" Props to you for recognizing that. That's awesome, I'm happy for you. Writing out the good reasons always makes me feel better, because I can physically see it (I'm a visual person). Soon your happy list will get longer than your sad list. And yes... this site is a Godsend for me.

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