em-b's bloke Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 Hi everyone and thanks in advance for reading this I've been in my current relationship for just over four months and am living with a very wonderful girl; I moved in with her a few weeks ago. Most aspects of the relationship are fine and we are planning to be married next year. The one problem I have is that I can be and am most of the time very needy. Next week we are both going away separately, she with her kids on a holiday that was booked a year ago and me with my work. I'm finding that no matter how much time I spend with her this week before I go it's not enough and am finding that I'm miserable and difficult when she has things she needs to do of her own. It's like because we won't see each other for a few days I expect her to devote every spare minute of her time to me. Last night I was being funny with her because she was tired and wanted to sleep (in my arms) quite early in the evening because she had been busy all day and was worn out. I'm being a total idiot and my behaviour is very unattractive I know because I feel like crap when I get these negative feelings so I know she finds it a pain. I have insecurity issues and although she is a very loving woman it seems that no matter what she says or does, it's never enough. I feel like I will drive her away if I'm not careful, which is the last thing I want. What can I do about this? Should I discuss this with her or will it just put her under more pressure, or alternatively would she appreciate the fact that I want to do something to change this? She is very open and is usually happy to discuss anything and is supportive. Grateful for any responses! Link to post Share on other sites
Leandro Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 discuss it with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author em-b's bloke Posted October 21, 2010 Author Share Posted October 21, 2010 Thank you for your response! Just phoned a counsellor service given to me by my GP, they said 2-3 months waiting list! Thinking about seeing someone privately but not sure that I can afford it as I'm on a low income. How effective can counselling be with this kind of problem? Link to post Share on other sites
Trovador Posted October 22, 2010 Share Posted October 22, 2010 Even if you tell her, actions speak louder, show don't tell... Look for some hobbies, something you can dilute your passion on... classes, painting, playing an instrument, etc., because right now you are suffocating her and soon will kill her feelings... she can't be the only source of your happiness, it's unfair to her... But you already recognized your problem and have accepted you can't do anything against it... that requires *alls and we only hope you still have them during your recovery, a day at a time... good luck, my friend... Link to post Share on other sites
harkkam Posted October 22, 2010 Share Posted October 22, 2010 Hey man, its impressive to see how you know yourself so well. I was needy as well in my relationship and and instead of dealing with it productively I would start fights with my ex to get her to give me more attention as in "how come you did this or that" Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted October 22, 2010 Share Posted October 22, 2010 You SHOULD want to see her, hear from her and be with her...just as she should want those things with you. If you're really with the right person - one who treats you well, meets your needs and fulfills your picture of a good girlfriend - then it can be even more difficult to keep your mind occupied with anything BUT her. Where it gets tricky is when you obsess so much that you begin cutting people and things out of your life that used to bring you joy. In other words, you allow your entire world to revolve around your girl, ignoring your own interests, activities and friends so you can be 100 percent available for her anytime she wants. This is dangerous territory. If you only ever think about your girl, then you rob yourself of joy, contentment and inner peace. You also create a state of neediness and clinginess that can only lead to drama. It's really important to continue to do the things you enjoy, to have some "me time". You'll both appreciate each other more! Being in a relationship with someone shouldn't entail immersing yourself in the other person- it will work best if you both continue to have some freedom to celebrate your lives as individuals, while enjoying the comfort of trust. Link to post Share on other sites
yoga18 Posted October 22, 2010 Share Posted October 22, 2010 Thank you for your response! Just phoned a counsellor service given to me by my GP, they said 2-3 months waiting list! Thinking about seeing someone privately but not sure that I can afford it as I'm on a low income. How effective can counselling be with this kind of problem? Some counseling centers will give a reduced price especially if you have no insurance. Private places for therapy are I feel better and individualized good luck to u Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted October 24, 2010 Share Posted October 24, 2010 Trovador Even if you tell her, actions speak louder, show don't tell... Look for some hobbies, something you can dilute your passion on... classes, painting, playing an instrument, etc., ^This^ and Pick up the book "Journey from Abandonment to Healing" Link to post Share on other sites
bonpaw2008 Posted October 24, 2010 Share Posted October 24, 2010 I agree with all of the above - help yourself, get a grip on yourself, trust this woman that you have moved in with and share your life with, love yourself and find out how great you are and she will follow suit, and you will both be happier and healthier for it... Link to post Share on other sites
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