2SidestoStories Posted August 25, 2003 Share Posted August 25, 2003 I'm finding myself on the typical roller-coaster of emotions that come with a breakup, and although I think I have a fair bit of my downs pretty well figured out, I really don't like the abrupt shifts. So what have you all done in the past to help yourself cope with the end of a dream? (Wow, I make it sound entirely dramatic. I guess it kind of was, but my catharsis with that situation has already been dealt with on this forum, so I shan't ramble about it again.) This is a pretty generic sort of question, so any thoughts are quite welcome! Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted August 25, 2003 Share Posted August 25, 2003 random suggestions: - talk the breakup over with a friend or counsellor, to make sure it's out of your system, you understand what happened, and you're OK with it being over - pick up a new hobby - it'll keep you busy, and you'll meet new people - spend a lot of time on your home - clean up, cook, reogranize your closet, yada yada - spend a lot of time on yourself - facials, bubble baths, etc - take a trip! - read quality books - visit your parents - volunteer somewhere - do something good for the world! good luck, -yes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted August 25, 2003 Share Posted August 25, 2003 YOU ASK: "So what have you all done in the past to help yourself cope with the end of a dream?" Good dreams don't turn into nightmares. When most people get to the end of a dream, they wake up and realize just what it was. The real thing is NOT a dream...it's as real as it gets. What you have to perfect is determining what is real and what is a dream before you start feeling your dream is a reality....if you can understand what I'm saying. Man is the only animal in the universe capable of deluding itself. Break ups don't just happen overnight. Healing doesn't happen that fast either. But what you have to remember is that you have been fortunate enough to wake up and see that what you were in was NOT the real thing. Now, you are must closer to your dream reality.l 1 Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted August 25, 2003 Share Posted August 25, 2003 Good advice, Yes!! I did all of the above when my 15-year marriage ended. I repainted and redecorated the entire house; pounded out my frustrations at the gym after work then pampered myself with bubble baths, Jacuzzis and manicures in the evenings. I took weekend trips with the gal pals; enrolled in some college classes, and with the time left, I volunteered my time teaching and mentoring at the local American Indian Cultural Center. I made darn sure I was too busy to feel start feeling sorry for myself. And by helping others less fortunate, it helped me to put my life in perspective and realize just how lucky I was. I also realized that all those hard lessons I learned in life, particularly those involving family members and substance abuse, were actually beneficial in helping me to understand and communicate better with other families trying to cope with similar situations. You can always turn a negative into a positive when you learn to take a fair inventory of your life and change your perspectives. …And on a brighter note, you can reclaim all the extra closet space; hog all the covers; fart out loud whenever you want; leave the dirty dishes on the counter; reclaim the TV remote; enter the bathroom without locking the door, and enjoy a day at the mall without having to hide the shopping bags! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted August 29, 2003 Share Posted August 29, 2003 i take a drive with the windows down, smoke cigarettes and listen to Nirvana.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Oxydol Posted August 30, 2003 Share Posted August 30, 2003 CHOCOLATE!!!! Need I say more? Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted August 31, 2003 Share Posted August 31, 2003 The other day, I found a baby robin. I'm trying to nurse it back to health. Vivid_29 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2SidestoStories Posted August 31, 2003 Author Share Posted August 31, 2003 Okay, so weird coincidence and nothing more undoubtedly, but vivid, you found a baby robin? I was outside ranting to my brother about my ex's most recent ludicrous behavior (which I won't bother mentioning here...suffice it to say, he only continues to confirm that I have made the right choice in leaving him.) Anyway, I was pacing like a madwoman up and down in front of my house while on the phone when I noticed, huddled up next to the curb, a young dove. The poor thing had a pretty massive injury to its back and was missing some tail feathers; likely a victim of neighborhood cats, unfortunately. So I stuffed the phone into my pocket (cargo painter's pants are THE best pants in the world) and carefully crouched down to pick it up off the street. It was likely completely terrified, which is why it was barely moving, but I have this gigantic and really dense evergreen monster tree in my front yard, so I picked clean a spot high up in the branches and made it a kind of nest-like spot. I have no idea whether it will make a difference or not, but it certainly made me feel better to know I had prolonged its life by some margin. My brother laughed at me, the little punk. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted August 31, 2003 Share Posted August 31, 2003 2Sides, I wonder if you might have saw the symbolism in that?! It must have crossed your mind, if only for a second? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted August 31, 2003 Share Posted August 31, 2003 That's really weird how we both found birds. I was doing my daily exercise when I found this baby robin on the sidewalk. I picked it up and carried it home and I could tell that this little creature wasn't the least bit afraid of me. I knew it was going to die, but I wanted to give it as much comfort as I could before it went. It lived for 3 days and died last night. I never thought that such trivial things would mean so much to me, especially after the loss of my fiance, 3 weeks ago. Finding this bird really put a smile on my face. Most Sincerely, Vivid_29 Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted August 31, 2003 Share Posted August 31, 2003 i always found it useful to sort out what went wrong, what you want in your next mate...and then move on. of course, hang with friends and family to soften the pain. Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted August 31, 2003 Share Posted August 31, 2003 Jalexy hit it right on the money. my friends and family have given me so much love these past three weeks. I can't thank them enough!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2SidestoStories Posted August 31, 2003 Author Share Posted August 31, 2003 Okay, so perhaps I'm being really dense. It has definitely been known to happen...but let me see if I'm hitting anywhere near home on this: Doves are often associated with peace; this particular dove was injured, likely to the point of fatality (eek...starting to perhaps pick up on what you mean...); but I recognized that the injuries were such that peaceful rest away from more turmoil would help the dove in some fashion? This is where I trail off...symbolic of my choice to try to help the dove die more peacefully? Hrm. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2SidestoStories Posted August 31, 2003 Author Share Posted August 31, 2003 That's precisely the thing I have been doing. Since my relationship was one where I fairly well fell out of contact with most of my good friends, save those 'obstinate burr-like creatures' that I loved so much who endured my ex's nastiness just so they could make sure I was at very least OK every once in a while, I have now been spending oodles of time with them. I'm going to start volunteering at my University Library, which is not exactly helping humanity in such an obvious fashion as, say, going back to my volunteer work with my local Humane Society, but it's self-serving AND beneficial to the broad scope of silliness that is a University Community. Also, I get to do things with my kids that my ex was never too fond of, like finger painting, and feeding the ducks in the pond on campus and going to the museum and so forth. I'm feeling good. It's quite refreshing. Thanks to all of you for your support, whether or not you realize you've given it! Link to post Share on other sites
ziggue Posted September 1, 2003 Share Posted September 1, 2003 I had my heart broken and got hurt for the first time about 2 or 3 months ago. The guy dumped me for his ex. It was the first time I have ever gotten dumped as well. I was depressed for a couple of weeks but going away for a while and then coming back and hanging out with your friends is a good way of dealing with it, talking about it really helps too. I am way over it now by the way! Thank God. I am glad I am not dealing with his situation no more. He has a baby to deal with and the girl was the baby's mother and the ex. I am just glad I am free of that now. Especially when I don't have any kids myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2SidestoStories Posted September 2, 2003 Author Share Posted September 2, 2003 Cheers to you for feeling better, Ziggue. My philosophy has always been that people who break up 99.99% of the time do it for reasons that indicate it is time to move on. More often than not, there is little to no chance that things will "work out" in the long run, because one party has decided that it is over. I feel for you in being dumped, but applaud you for recognizing that you have your life to get on with. Life is far too precious a thing to waste being miserable. There are certainly valuable lessons to be had from pain, but to dwell in the pain means that you aren't learning from it. But you also have to recognize the lessons in pleasure, and in those few moments where you're able to be lucid. I've been discovering day by day that being open to life and what it has to offer has been the very best way for me to cope. Each day, I find something else to appreciate; one small thing per day that I deliberately seek out that I may not have otherwise paid much attention to, just to see it from another perspective. Edwin McCain says, "...take the good and the bad, and the time in between...lets us know we're alive." I've actually been carrying around one of those silly toys that when you hold it up to your eye, it forces a kalidescope sort of view of things; they're marketed under the presumption that you will see the world the way a bug sees the world. When I start feeling down, I pull it from my pocket and literally make myself look at something differently. It often times makes me laugh, though there are times that when I look through it, I see some pretty amazing imagery. The best thing is that it's entirely mine. Even if someone else had the same toy, was standing in the exact same spot at the exact same time of day and so forth, they would not see exactly what I saw. Rather than being depressed by this, however, I've begun to realize that having this unique perspective allows me to share that experience with others, and has been very encouraging in terms of recognizing that I still feel I have contributions to make to the world that are positive. Just thought I'd toss some more ideas around. Good Luck to everyone who may be coping with difficulties in life: just remember to not let the situation become so overwhelming that you give in to the negativity. Recognize things for what they are, and then choose to improve yourself with what lessons you're being presented. It's not easy, but it is well worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted September 2, 2003 Share Posted September 2, 2003 vidi & 2sides: the bird stories y'all shared made me think that even in your hurt and fragility, there was a creature even more fragile than you, and you still were able to help it in it's need. And I find that a lovely analogy. as of late, I've found that my friends have been my source of comfort with particular family problems going on. And I thank God for them, because I honestly don't know how I'd deal with all of this if I didn't have them ... Link to post Share on other sites
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