buckeye Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 It's been three days since the final papers were signed. I am really struggling. I can't seem to pull myself up. I know it was for the best, neither one of us was happy. My ex W was/ is having an EA. I feel such failure, such profound sorrow. I don't care if I live. I will not take my life, I just don't care and would rather it just be over. I don't want to spend the rest of my time alone and broken. I don't think I could ever trust again. I'm damaged goods now. I'm 55 and knowing I have to completely start over is overwhelming. I know someone will say you have so much to live for, think of your kids. My siblings and I survived my father's death. I'm sure my kids would too. I have gone to my buddies houses or the hall to get out of the apartment. I'm tired of being the single one. I bought a motorcycle but it's not much fun riding alone. I am alone and it's killing me. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 Buckeye, you've kicked around on this earth long enough to know that what you're feeling, even as bad as it hurts now, will pass. Through the ups and downs of the coming weeks the pain will trend downward. And you have some bit of control over how long it takes. For starters, cut off all contact with your ex. Not to punish her, but to help you heal. Every bit of contact with her probably feels like a punch in the solar plexus, so stop letting yourself get hit. Next, get busy. Invest in others. Do some volunteer work. Help build a house for Habitat for Humanity. Work in a food bank. The community's probably desperate for boots-on-the-ground types. Finally, connect with others. One good way is to join a Divorce Care group in your area. And ride the hell out of that motorcycle. Link to post Share on other sites
smk Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 Buckeye - sorry to hear about how you feel. Its gotta be tough but taking the defeatist attitude is not the right way to go about it. Sure it hurts like a bitch - but thats life... Life is a bitch who sometimes puts us through some terrible things, things that we may not truly understand the reasons behind, but it does so to make us appreciate it that much more. I cant even begin to comprehend what you are going through, but we are all going through similar things, similar pains, the feeling of losing someone, the notions are all the same. So what if you're 55 - is there some sort of rule that says you have to be a certain age to live life to the fullest? I know you miss the companionship, you miss having that someone around, but sometimes we learn more about ourselves by being alone and we emerge stronger and more victorious from. I am only a 26 year old kid who has broken up from my first live and relationship, yet you have experienced so much more in life, sure you are having a bad moment but you must have had some good moments too? Look to those for inspiration, sometimes we lose sight of the bigger picture in all the small details and forget to make the most of everything. Get some new hobbies, hell make some new friends too, dont thay say life begins at 50??? Ride the bike, go fishing, take this time to reflect upon what makes you happy (and yes the ex did make you happy - past tense) think of what made you happy as a child, do some of those mad things... Be strong, we are all here for you, just remember that Life is for Living... Come here, post here, vent here, rant here, and try and go NC if possible... Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 I'm damaged goods now. no señor, you are NOT. Go do a search for someone called Gunny, who has posted a lot of tough love posts that make perfect sense when it comes surviving this kind of devastation. right now, you're in a shxthole because your life is turned upside down. But that doesn't mean it's gonna be that way til the end of your days unless this is what you choose it to be. It's okay to grieve ... it's good to grieve the loss of something so precious, but you've also got to allow that spark of hope to survive. You made a life before without her, you can do it again, and you're not a loser for having a failed marriage. ... as I tell my twice-divorced husband, "See, you had to get a Texas girl like your mama in order to find a successful marriage" ... meaning, don't give up, because the love you're meant to have is out there if you just give yourself a chance. many hugs to you, Bucky ... q Link to post Share on other sites
Beeotch Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 It's been three days since the final papers were signed. I am really struggling. I can't seem to pull myself up. I know it was for the best, neither one of us was happy. My ex W was/ is having an EA. I feel such failure, such profound sorrow. I don't care if I live. I will not take my life, I just don't care and would rather it just be over. I don't want to spend the rest of my time alone and broken. I don't think I could ever trust again. I'm damaged goods now. I'm 55 and knowing I have to completely start over is overwhelming. I know someone will say you have so much to live for, think of your kids. My siblings and I survived my father's death. I'm sure my kids would too. I have gone to my buddies houses or the hall to get out of the apartment. I'm tired of being the single one. I bought a motorcycle but it's not much fun riding alone. I am alone and it's killing me. I can imagine your pain...truly. The darkest hour is always before the dawn though and as long as you have the determination and believe that things happen for a reason and you can move on to a great future; then you will go through the slums and come out the other side. 55 is not that old these days and people in their 50s and 60s are living fabulous lives. Is it a huge change going from married for X amount of time to single....yes! Is it hard? Hell yes! But all you have to do is make the first steps to see, how your life is now and how it can be and WILL be fulfilling. On the fourth of July I went to the wedding of a family friend...she is 68 years old! Her husband died in a horrible accident 9 years ago....and at 68 she met and fell inlove with someone else. She is HAPPY, she looks young and fresh, they are moving to Jamaica! She gave me hope that no matter how old you are or what tragedy happens (she had been married to her prior husband since she was 19! ALLL her adult life she was married and then he got taken away by death!)---things CAN and do get better and you CAN find happiness again. I am sure she went through the slums like no other...but she pieced her life together with the help of family and friends and is living like she is 22 and just married. There is ALWAYS hope Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 How are you doing today, buckeye? Link to post Share on other sites
Author buckeye Posted August 3, 2010 Author Share Posted August 3, 2010 First off, I want to thank you all for your kind support. I'm so glad I found this place. Thank you Gorilla for asking. I'm kind of numb I guess. I just got a call from the ExW. Our oldest child who lives about 2 1/2 hours from here called her mother to tell her someone broke into her home while she was at work. I called to ask if she needs me to come to repair the door, but only got her voice mail. She hasn't called back. Last night was tough. I know I need to start taking care of myself. I know all the things you all have said are true. I need to get a grip on myself. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 I wouldn't even deal with the XW, talk to your daughter directly. Seriously, short of a life-and-death situation where you have no other option I wouldn't talk to the ex at all, to the point of not even listening to voicemail. How are you doing on the health front? Getting enough sleep? Eating right? Exercising? I didn't mention this before, but this is probably job #1 for you right now. Take care of yourself. You can handle this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author buckeye Posted August 3, 2010 Author Share Posted August 3, 2010 Except for the court stuff and her call to me today, we've had no contact. I called my daughter, not the X. I have no desire to talk the the XW. The health front needs a lot of work. Link to post Share on other sites
worlybear Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 Hey Buckeye I feel your pain and I totally understand how you feel about starting over at 55. I am 52 and it has been soooo hard to start making new friendships- but d'you know what? I'm getting there and beginning to talk and make friends with people I never thought about meeting with. Yes, it's hard -but its not impossible! Hang on in there -the tide will turn!:bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
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