smk Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 So it's Sunday, I have nothing but time on my hands now that my weekends are free and even though I am surrounded by people my minds seems to block them out and focus solely on her... I miss her today, and yesterday and the day before and for as long as I can remember... I had a dream this morning, I went to her house to collect something, and as soon as she opened the door, she broke down, she told me she still loves me, she told me that she should have stood up for what she believed in which was us, and that she couldn't envision another day in her life without me... As we all know I was ecstatic, and then bang I wake up and face the reality that is my life...I wake up and look beside me and see that I am alone and that shakes me to the core... She had a tough decision to make, and she hade her choice, and I hope for her happiness that the choice she made was worth it, that she does truly find the happiness that she deserves in her life with or without me... Yet even though it's been 6 weeks and 12 days if NC as each moment passes I seem to think of her more, I seem to grow to love her more, and I seem to be sinking deeper into despair rather than pick myself up... Over the last 6 weeks I have drowned my sorrows in alcohol and lived the "rockstar" lifestyle and at the end of it the only person it's caused harm to is me... It temporarily drowns the sorrow them multiplies it 1,000,000 times when sobriety hits... She didn't fall in love with an emotional train wreck of a drunk - no she didn't, she fell in love with a confident, outgoing, 26 yr old who had hopes, dreams and ambitions, yet in the span of 6 weeks I am no longer the person I was - and I have no one to blame but myself, I can choose to continue on this path or turn off at the next bend and move on... I am going to take the turn and start by cutting out the booze.... Sorry just had to rant a bit.... Link to post Share on other sites
messymichelle Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 im not sure if im in the best position to give advice considering my last 2 posts but you really need to get a grip, i know the weekends are hard, i personally hate them, im ok monday til friday then im a wreck. for me going out and drinking the head of myself, laughing with friends did block it for a night , but as sure as morning follows night the pain of waking up alone is too much pain for one to bear. so i changed my thinking abit, instead of waking up thinking about him i set my radio to come on to a funky station at 6am to play get up and go songs it sounds silly but it took the edge of the pain til i got out of bed.!!! anyway i tried to take one baby step at a time, if you read my last 2 posts you will see that the snake is trying to slitter home and thats a whole new problem in itself, its what i wanted or so i thought, be careful what you wish for Link to post Share on other sites
Shakz Posted July 25, 2010 Share Posted July 25, 2010 I'm glad to hear you've decided to quit punishing yourself with alcohol. That's a huge first real step toward healing. Have you considered doing some volunteer work on your weekends? It can be quite cathartic in that not only are you doing some good for others you also feel much better about your own self worth. It can even sometimes divert your attention away from your pain. Best of luck in whatever path you choose. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smk Posted July 25, 2010 Author Share Posted July 25, 2010 I'm glad to hear you've decided to quit punishing yourself with alcohol. That's a huge first real step toward healing. Have you considered doing some volunteer work on your weekends? It can be quite cathartic in that not only are you doing some good for others you also feel much better about your own self worth. It can even sometimes divert your attention away from your pain. Best of luck in whatever path you choose. Actually I have started looking at volunteering on my weekends. I know how damaging alcohol can be, yet it just seemed like the easier option in a tough situation and I figured that I can either temporarily deal with things or look for a permanent solution, I am also trying to broaden my circle of friends, making new one, catching up with old ones, and trying to keep myself surrounded by people yet somehow I envitably just end up hitting the bottle... I knows it's not going to be easy but I need to take one step at a time so wish me luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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