LK30 Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 I went to a meeting today, and my ex's best friend was there. We've been separated 6 months, and although I wasn't bad to my ex, I did have a minor slanging match with her best friend over the net in March. Oddly enough whilst grabbing some food from the buffet, my ex's best mate came over and she started chatting to me. I've been doing NC for 5 months, and in some ways this in indirect NC. She seemed very friendly despite me expecting her to give me a death stare. It was soooo tempting to ask her about how my ex is doing and what she's up to, but I didn't, and she didn't ask me about my love life. I was quite proud of myself, but obviously secretly wish I had some snippets of info. I'm going through a bereavement, which I mentioned, and afterwards I wondered if she would go back and tell my ex as she knew him and she may have messaged me to say the usual 'sorry,' but I don't expect her to and would prefer her not to. So all in all, I have preserved no contact, and surprisingly had a quite decent conversation with one of the last people I expected - and the fact she approached me! I hope she wasn't snooping!! Link to post Share on other sites
Thorgs Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 Congratulations! Maybe she was snooping but chickened out on asking personal questions. Either way, you know it'll get back to the ex that you were happy and positive. Keep it up man! Link to post Share on other sites
smk Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 well done - i am on day 8 of NC - she texted me the most random msg this morning and as tempted as i was to reply i kept strong... and as thorgs said - it will get back to her... but good on you... Link to post Share on other sites
Thorgs Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 Yeah, it's tough. I know when school starts up again, my ex's daughter is going to probably relay info to her, so I gotta be back to my joking, upbeat self so she can see what she's missing. I already know we are the champions for not giving up and it's probably immature of me to think this, but I want our ex's to know what they are missing. Link to post Share on other sites
smk Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 Yeah, it's tough. I know when school starts up again, my ex's daughter is going to probably relay info to her, so I gotta be back to my joking, upbeat self so she can see what she's missing. I already know we are the champions for not giving up and it's probably immature of me to think this, but I want our ex's to know what they are missing. i dont think thats immature - they are the ones who have lost out.... I think we all want our exes to know what they are missing out on - even if it means i have to put on a face for the world to see that i can get on with my life without her then i will do that - but yeah there is a part of me that wants her to realise what she lost out on... Link to post Share on other sites
Thorgs Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 i dont think thats immature - they are the ones who have lost out.... I think we all want our exes to know what they are missing out on - even if it means i have to put on a face for the world to see that i can get on with my life without her then i will do that - but yeah there is a part of me that wants her to realise what she lost out on... Fake it til' we make it. Link to post Share on other sites
smk Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 Fake it til' we make it. spoken like a true winner... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LK30 Posted July 21, 2010 Author Share Posted July 21, 2010 Cheers guys - some positive feedback there and it's helped me be glad that I handled it the way I did rather than ignore her or make out I'm still struggling a bit to come to terms with things. I didn't think I could handle hearing how she may have moved on to someone else even if it was 6 months ago. but I'm just gonna keep on keepin' on! What choice is there! Link to post Share on other sites
smk Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 Cheers guys - some positive feedback there and it's helped me be glad that I handled it the way I did rather than ignore her or make out I'm still struggling a bit to come to terms with things. I didn't think I could handle hearing how she may have moved on to someone else even if it was 6 months ago. but I'm just gonna keep on keepin' on! What choice is there! LK - we always have a choice... given my break is only almost 6 weeks old now and I am still pretty raw with the pain - 8 Days of NC - and i dread waking up each morning... You handled yourself perfectly - I wish I could do that - sometimes I hear about her from my business partner and that sets me off - given my BP is closer to me and wasnt checking in for her - but it hurts when I hear she has been going out, moving on with her life as though nothing happened, but what I figured out after getting some great advice from people on LS is no matter what never give them the satisfaction that they have the upper hand... they left us not the other way around - we fought endlessly to keep the love alive - but they left - why should we let them win... if you get a chance read some of the stuff posted by TaraMaiden on my other post today (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t238873/) - everyone here has made me realise that we have the strength to get over this... I just wish it would be easier and would go away without having to deal with the emotional roller coaster... I know this sounds selfish and immature but my ex always went on about how all of her ex's have always come back begging, pleading for another chance and she has never taken them back... she may be friends with them but thats it... i realised that I am not going to play 2nd fiddle while my wounds are still open... in the future who knows - I am not psychic (god I wish i was) - but what I realised from reading countless posts on LS is that right now we may be hurting, we may be at lowest points imaginable - but sooner or later we will pick ourselves up - no matter how hard - and thats when it will hit our ex's that they lost the best thing in their lives and thats when they will have that nagging voice in the back of their minds saying that we were "the one - the only one that got away" - who knows I may not be the one, but in my mind I will always be the one and that helped me maintain NC.... Anyways bro - keeps the spirits high and live to your fullest... Link to post Share on other sites
Thorgs Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 I know this sounds selfish and immature but my ex always went on about how all of her ex's have always come back begging, pleading for another chance and she has never taken them back... she may be friends with them but thats it... i realised that I am not going to play 2nd fiddle while my wounds are still open... in the future who knows - I am not psychic (god I wish i was) - but what I realised from reading countless posts on LS is that right now we may be hurting, we may be at lowest points imaginable - but sooner or later we will pick ourselves up - no matter how hard - and thats when it will hit our ex's that they lost the best thing in their lives and thats when they will have that nagging voice in the back of their minds saying that we were "the one - the only one that got away" - who knows I may not be the one, but in my mind I will always be the one and that helped me maintain NC.... Anyways bro - keeps the spirits high and live to your fullest... My ex would always talk about her ex's. It made me so jealous and upset! So I felt inclined to talk about mine, even though I hated it with a passion. The worst part is...I know, you're going to be like WTF were you with her for??! She cheated on her ex husband four times with long affairs. Yeah I know...but something made me feel different about her even though I know, once a cheater always a cheater. Blah, this is all bad. Link to post Share on other sites
smk Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 My ex would always talk about her ex's. It made me so jealous and upset! So I felt inclined to talk about mine, even though I hated it with a passion. The worst part is...I know, you're going to be like WTF were you with her for??! She cheated on her ex husband four times with long affairs. Yeah I know...but something made me feel different about her even though I know, once a cheater always a cheater. Blah, this is all bad. the thing is we dont choose who we fall in love with - it just happens and as great a feeling love is unfortunately it blinds us - we fail to see the red flags and only look at the good things but hey we are only human... Link to post Share on other sites
Thorgs Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 the thing is we dont choose who we fall in love with - it just happens and as great a feeling love is unfortunately it blinds us - we fail to see the red flags and only look at the good things but hey we are only human... Yep, something I read the other day said something along the lines of this... Love is blind, I couldn't see past her halo which was covering up her horns. Link to post Share on other sites
smk Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 Yep, something I read the other day said something along the lines of this... Love is blind, I couldn't see past her halo which was covering up her horns. Yeah it is - as unfortunate as it seems - I realised after our break up that all the signs were pointing to her being a little CP - heck she even told me to my face yet I ignored every one them and I think her family thing was the easiest and quickest way for her to get out without having to deal with her own issues and insecurities... there were lots of times where now when i think about the the red flags were hitting me in face and kicking me in the nuts, yet i ignored them... if i only knew then what I know now -as soon as you see a red flag you have 1 of 2 options - a) run for the hills and dont look back b) find the root cause of the problem and eliminate it or prevent it from happening again i did none of them 2 - i simply ignored it thinking it would go away... but hey i would not change anything about the past 6 months because they were magical almost surreal and the experience will and happy memories will last a lifetime... I am an optimist and always look for the good things in every situation... Link to post Share on other sites
Thorgs Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 I am an optimist and always look for the good things in every situation... That's me too. I look for the good in people too before I judge them. Link to post Share on other sites
smk Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 That's me too. I look for the good in people too before I judge them. i dont think people are bad but their circumstances make them bad... their life experiences make them the person they are, the choices they make turn them into bad people... I still dont believe that people are bad... they maybe bad for a moment but they surely have their reasons, be it psychological, financial, whatever reasons there maybe its their circumstances.... given there are some crazy people out their but again its circumstances and choices that make people who they are... Link to post Share on other sites
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