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Suddenly regretting my decision with NC


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So ive been crying like crazy the past few days. I dont know whats happening to me. I havent spoken with my ex in about a month. We've been broken up for 4 months and was talking everyday and seeing each other eveyday for the first 3 months of break up. I said goodbye to him coz i couldnt live a normal life with him there. Im always thinking about him and what hes doing and stalking him fb. So i made a promise to myself that once i start NC, i will completely cut him out of my life. I know that i did NC partly to make him miss me and realize what life is like without me but I know im doing it for myself too. However, i havent been succesful. I check his fb profile every single day and i know hes been talking with this girl. The other day, i saw something that indicated they could be together and i was and still am crushed by it.

 

Now i keep thinking, if i stayed in his life as his friend, would he have easily replaced me like that? The last time we talked he asked if i want to we could talk to each other once a week just to see how each other's doing. I said i dont know and now im beginning to regret it. I was even reading another post here titled "to poke or not to poke" and made me think that my ex and i also have been poking each other everyday on facebook for the past 2 years we were together. But i stopped that when i did NC. Now even that im regretting.

 

I dont know why all of a sudden im feeling like this. It could be me finding out that he could be going out with someone else and i was hoping he'd tell me. One thing i forgot to tell him the last time we talked is that if he find someone else, i do want him to tell me. Yes it's gonna hurt me but maybe that way I can FULLY stop hoping. So with me seeing that he could be with someone now and he hasnt said nething to me because of this whole NC, it's making me regret everything.

 

Someone please enlighten me about this. Did i do the right thing? Seriously, what is happening to me?

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Lay off the facebook. It's a killer.

 

I use to FB stalk my ex. Found out she was having a good life w/o me. Meeting new people, posting photos, all of that. She even restricted profiled me after like a month of NC. I was like WTF?! I also believe my ex is taken right now. A secret bf or some hook up partner.

 

Anyways just fight going on FB and just live. That's what I'm doing and it's very tough. I'm a FB addict but I hate getting heart broken.

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If he loved you -really loved you- he'd be there. Know that.

 

Wanting to talk once a week means he'd like to keep you as a fall back in case he gets lonely or needs someone to boost his self-esteem. Do you want to allow yourself to be used? Especially when it could prevent you from meeting someone who really does care and wishes to be with you?

 

Here's some inside 'guy' information for you: men like confidence and are attracted to women they have to work for. Many times an 'easy' hook up (not necessarily sexual) makes men wonder. Too easy. Make us work for your time and attention; the thrill is in the chase, so to speak.

 

Having a really together life starts with loving yourself and not accepting anything less than you're willing to give. Let this one go and set your standards higher. Believe it or not, you did yourself a huge favor by going NC; you now know his true colors. You're in better shape than you think.

 

Oh, and the FB business? Don't be snowed. Anyone who posts there daily about *everything* is truly lost and unhappy. I use FB for networking and the occasional personal update, but it's a facade for the most part.

 

Live a real life!

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mikezombie777

My advice: stay the hell away from facebook. Block & delete him. It's over. Checking FB and seeing him go on with life without you will only make moving on harder. You don't need to be seeing photos and status updates.

 

I find the best thing is to erase any trace of the person and start building your own life again. It's easier said than done, but try it out : )

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Looking at his fb isn't practicing NC, and it's perpetuating your grief.

You have control over sitting down at your computer and choosing what you surf, you're just not choosing what is best for you.

 

When I break up with someone, I cut them out of my life. I don't want to know what they are doing- because I know it will prolong my agony.

 

If you want to help yourself, STOP LOOKING! It really is that simple.

Checking his fb is inviting the agony into your life everyday. You're essentially re-living the break up every time you check.

 

There are some things you have no control over- but the checking behaviour is something you can control.

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deux ex machina

You said it yourself - you couldn't live a normal life with him around. You can't.

 

This has been so long, drawn out, and painful...really, you'll have to detach completely. This includes Facebook. It's become a nasty habit.

 

What might be happening is the one part of you that knows to stop this, is fighting with the other part of you that doesn't want to accept that it's over. Checking out Facebook may be your way of keeping the illusion that there is still some connection there, however tenuous. Yet this illusion is tearing you apart, and you are feeding that illusion every time you look at what he is doing.

 

It's about time you focused on you. The sooner you stop this, and get through the process of letting go, the better. Take good care of you.

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Marigo do you seriously think poking a single guy via facebook once a week is going to stop him from going out there and getting laid? If he broke up with you it means he's not interested in being your boyfriend because he wants to be someone else's boyfriend. There is nothing in this world you could have done to keep him single. Putting a stop to this guy stringing you along and stopping you from living a fulfilling life is the best thing you could have done. You should be proud of yourself.

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Looking at his fb isn't practicing NC, and it's perpetuating your grief.

You have control over sitting down at your computer and choosing what you surf, you're just not choosing what is best for you.

 

When I break up with someone, I cut them out of my life. I don't want to know what they are doing- because I know it will prolong my agony.

 

If you want to help yourself, STOP LOOKING! It really is that simple.

Checking his fb is inviting the agony into your life everyday. You're essentially re-living the break up every time you check.

 

There are some things you have no control over- but the checking behaviour is something you can control.

 

Well said. I agree a 100%.

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I completely agree with everything D-Lish said. You aren't doing NC completely if you're looking at his Facebook page.

 

If this guy had any interest in still being with you, you would know about it. Trust me.

 

He's not right for you. How do I know that? Because he doesn't want to be with you. Why would you want someone who doesn't want you? Don't you want to be adored and loved and not having to "poke" someone online to get their attention and make them think about you and miss you?

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So ive been crying like crazy the past few days. I dont know whats happening to me. I havent spoken with my ex in about a month. We've been broken up for 4 months and was talking everyday and seeing each other eveyday for the first 3 months of break up. I said goodbye to him coz i couldnt live a normal life with him there. Im always thinking about him and what hes doing and stalking him fb. So i made a promise to myself that once i start NC, i will completely cut him out of my life. I know that i did NC partly to make him miss me and realize what life is like without me but I know im doing it for myself too. However, i havent been succesful. I check his fb profile every single day and i know hes been talking with this girl. The other day, i saw something that indicated they could be together and i was and still am crushed by it.

 

Now i keep thinking, if i stayed in his life as his friend, would he have easily replaced me like that? The last time we talked he asked if i want to we could talk to each other once a week just to see how each other's doing. I said i dont know and now im beginning to regret it. I was even reading another post here titled "to poke or not to poke" and made me think that my ex and i also have been poking each other everyday on facebook for the past 2 years we were together. But i stopped that when i did NC. Now even that im regretting.

 

I dont know why all of a sudden im feeling like this. It could be me finding out that he could be going out with someone else and i was hoping he'd tell me. One thing i forgot to tell him the last time we talked is that if he find someone else, i do want him to tell me. Yes it's gonna hurt me but maybe that way I can FULLY stop hoping. So with me seeing that he could be with someone now and he hasnt said nething to me because of this whole NC, it's making me regret everything.

 

Someone please enlighten me about this. Did i do the right thing? Seriously, what is happening to me?

 

Hi sweety! I'm sorry you're hurting. I've been having tough days too you know?

As I told you before, you should stop looking at fb or whatever other thing. What he is doing, is what you should be doing. Even if you're just flirting or fooling around, but as the others said, you may not have control over your emotions but you do over checking up on him and what he is doing. And you know that hurts darling!

As we once said, it would help more to know they're with someone else, even if it hits like tons of bricks, but it would certainly make you move on without looking back. Maybe is what you need to stop hoping. And no, you wouldn't like him telling you he's with someone else, he's human too, not a monster, why would he do that do you?

 

I hope you're doing better. We're all here for you. :)

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Thanks for all your guy's help. I was crying while reading every single post because all of the things you guys said are true. I really appreciate all the advice!

 

Lay off the facebook. It's a killer.

 

I use to FB stalk my ex. Found out she was having a good life w/o me. Meeting new people, posting photos, all of that. She even restricted profiled me after like a month of NC. I was like WTF?! I also believe my ex is taken right now. A secret bf or some hook up partner.

 

Anyways just fight going on FB and just live. That's what I'm doing and it's very tough. I'm a FB addict but I hate getting heart broken.

 

It is very tough because thats my only way to know how hes doing or what hes doing. I know i shouldnt even care because it does hurt me to see him living a good life without me. Ugh. These social networking sites ruin lives sometimes.

 

Im glad you have self-control and is able to not look at your ex's facebook.

 

If he loved you -really loved you- he'd be there. Know that.

 

Wanting to talk once a week means he'd like to keep you as a fall back in case he gets lonely or needs someone to boost his self-esteem. Do you want to allow yourself to be used? Especially when it could prevent you from meeting someone who really does care and wishes to be with you?

 

Here's some inside 'guy' information for you: men like confidence and are attracted to women they have to work for. Many times an 'easy' hook up (not necessarily sexual) makes men wonder. Too easy. Make us work for your time and attention; the thrill is in the chase, so to speak.

 

Having a really together life starts with loving yourself and not accepting anything less than you're willing to give. Let this one go and set your standards higher. Believe it or not, you did yourself a huge favor by going NC; you now know his true colors. You're in better shape than you think.

 

Oh, and the FB business? Don't be snowed. Anyone who posts there daily about *everything* is truly lost and unhappy. I use FB for networking and the occasional personal update, but it's a facade for the most part.

 

Live a real life!

 

You're right. "Having a really together life starts with loving yourself and not accepting anything less than you're willing to give." This is partly the reason why i also went to NC. He only wanted friendship, but i want more than that, that's why it was hurting me. I didnt want him to get used to me being just his friend. Atleast not right now when i'm still so in love with him.

 

I heard about the "chase" part from a lot of guys too. Just curious though, what is it about it the chase that guys are so drawn with? You mightve answered that already but im just curious.

 

Keep in mind that people hide behind their statuses and photos.

 

My advice: stay the hell away from facebook. Block & delete him. It's over. Checking FB and seeing him go on with life without you will only make moving on harder. You don't need to be seeing photos and status updates.

 

I find the best thing is to erase any trace of the person and start building your own life again. It's easier said than done, but try it out : )

 

I def agree with you that taking all trace of him would be for the best. Deleting him off my fb is too hard. Thats why if i could TRY to go on it or stay away from facebook for a while until im ready then id much rather do that. I just couldnt get myself to delete him. Why am i so stupid?

 

Looking at his fb isn't practicing NC, and it's perpetuating your grief.

You have control over sitting down at your computer and choosing what you surf, you're just not choosing what is best for you.

 

When I break up with someone, I cut them out of my life. I don't want to know what they are doing- because I know it will prolong my agony.

 

If you want to help yourself, STOP LOOKING! It really is that simple.

Checking his fb is inviting the agony into your life everyday. You're essentially re-living the break up every time you check.

 

There are some things you have no control over- but the checking behaviour is something you can control.

 

I went to a therapist the other day, you and him said almost the exact same things. You said that i have full control on where i would surf around but im just not choosing what's best for me. My therapist said something like having a choice. I have a choice to look at it or not but so far, im just choosing to look at it and that i need to keep trying to stop looking at it.

 

I dont understand why its so hard to do. I was able to stop for 2 days and was so proud of myself. Then i went back to the same habit and started checking again. I wish i get to a point where im so tired of all the pain that id just stop on my own. I know im getting there though.

 

You said it yourself - you couldn't live a normal life with him around. You can't.

 

This has been so long, drawn out, and painful...really, you'll have to detach completely. This includes Facebook. It's become a nasty habit.

 

What might be happening is the one part of you that knows to stop this, is fighting with the other part of you that doesn't want to accept that it's over. Checking out Facebook may be your way of keeping the illusion that there is still some connection there, however tenuous. Yet this illusion is tearing you apart, and you are feeding that illusion every time you look at what he is doing.

 

It's about time you focused on you. The sooner you stop this, and get through the process of letting go, the better. Take good care of you.

 

Almost everyone ive talked to including HIM told me to focus on me and to take care of myself and to love myself more. I dont know which part of loving myself i dont understand and i still keep letting myself get hurt. Coz really i am doing this to myself.

 

And yes, "What might be happening is the one part of you that knows to stop this, is fighting with the other part of you that doesn't want to accept that it's over." - this is exactly how im feeling.

 

Sounds naive and ignorant but maybe if i hear it again, i can finally realize it. But what exactly does "loving yourself" or "focusing on myself" mean?

 

Marigo do you seriously think poking a single guy via facebook once a week is going to stop him from going out there and getting laid? If he broke up with you it means he's not interested in being your boyfriend because he wants to be someone else's boyfriend. There is nothing in this world you could have done to keep him single. Putting a stop to this guy stringing you along and stopping you from living a fulfilling life is the best thing you could have done. You should be proud of yourself.

 

This is what i tell myself during my strong moments. That being a part of his life in any way isnt gonna stop him from meeting another person or dating someone else. I dont know why i cant realize that whenever i get emotional.

 

I am proud of myself for doing whats best for me. Until i begin questioning it again. Ugh. Im so frustrated.

 

Well said. I agree a 100%.

 

I completely agree with everything D-Lish said. You aren't doing NC completely if you're looking at his Facebook page.

 

If this guy had any interest in still being with you, you would know about it. Trust me.

 

He's not right for you. How do I know that? Because he doesn't want to be with you. Why would you want someone who doesn't want you? Don't you want to be adored and loved and not having to "poke" someone online to get their attention and make them think about you and miss you?

 

After reading what you said "not having to 'poke' someone to get their attention and make them think about you and miss you" i realize that is what im trying to do. Im trying to not make him forget about me. I want to be back in his life kinda like saying "hey im still here"

 

Hes caused me so much pain and i dont understand why i still want him back. Maybe its an ego thing too? The feeling of being replaced so easily. I dont understand why he can have the happy ending when im feeling all the pain until now.

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Well, the first step is recognizing that you do have control.

 

You can't always control how you feel, but you can control how you react to those feelings.

 

By not checking his facebook, you'd be making a giant step toward your recovery. Every time you check, you bring yourself back to square one. This is something you are doing to yourself.

 

Just think of how nice it would be to be free of the roller coaster ride of emotions you are living right now. What you don't know really can't hurt you in this situation.

 

As soon as you stop inviting this pain into your life on a daily basis, you'll start to heal.

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deux ex machina
...Almost everyone ive talked to including HIM told me to focus on me and to take care of myself and to love myself more. I dont know which part of loving myself i dont understand and i still keep letting myself get hurt. Coz really i am doing this to myself.

 

And yes, "What might be happening is the one part of you that knows to stop this, is fighting with the other part of you that doesn't want to accept that it's over." - this is exactly how im feeling.

 

Sounds naive and ignorant but maybe if i hear it again, i can finally realize it. But what exactly does "loving yourself" or "focusing on myself" mean?...

 

Hey, marigo. :)

 

I definitely know that "fighting myself" feeling well. Ouch.

 

With the attention off of him, and back to you, you can heal and find your 'new normal'. I think it's very important to be kind and gentle to yourself right now. That would be my interpretation of loving/focusing on you. So many, including myself, really did feel lost for a time. I think it's natural, sometimes.

 

Just know that it is a feeling, not fact. You never really lose yourself. Hugs.

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Hi sweety! I'm sorry you're hurting. I've been having tough days too you know?

As I told you before, you should stop looking at fb or whatever other thing. What he is doing, is what you should be doing. Even if you're just flirting or fooling around, but as the others said, you may not have control over your emotions but you do over checking up on him and what he is doing. And you know that hurts darling!

As we once said, it would help more to know they're with someone else, even if it hits like tons of bricks, but it would certainly make you move on without looking back. Maybe is what you need to stop hoping. And no, you wouldn't like him telling you he's with someone else, he's human too, not a monster, why would he do that do you?

 

I hope you're doing better. We're all here for you. :)

 

Hey Lull,

 

Sorry I havent been here in a while. As you know Ive been overly emotional these days and i think i wouldve made u depressed even more. Any updates from you? How are you doing? And you said, uve been having tough days too, just talk to me whenever you want.

 

And yeah, this whole fb thing, i shouldve stopped the moment i said goodbye to him. Its like an addiction i was slowly pulling away from. But it sucks im still in the process of pulling away then he meets a new girl that made me check on his stuff even more than before.

 

Yeah, i think thats why even if i know its gonna hurt, id much rather know coz that way i can stop hoping. I think thats why i keep going back too, coz i want answers. I think im immuned to the pain and i still keep going back and checking it.

 

And if i can just vent for a bit, that new girl is seriously pissing me off!!!

 

Well, the first step is recognizing that you do have control.

 

You can't always control how you feel, but you can control how you react to those feelings.

 

By not checking his facebook, you'd be making a giant step toward your recovery. Every time you check, you bring yourself back to square one. This is something you are doing to yourself.

 

Just think of how nice it would be to be free of the roller coaster ride of emotions you are living right now. What you don't know really can't hurt you in this situation.

 

As soon as you stop inviting this pain into your life on a daily basis, you'll start to heal.

 

 

I completely agree with you. I thought knowing would give me closure or something. But now im begining to realize that if i really didnt know what has been happening now, i probbly wouldnt have been stuck in this phase.

 

I think im scared. I feel like another reason i keep checking is that, let's say i do stop now. And then I heal and i feel like im okay and then i go back on. Then i see something like an update whatsoever, im scared that itll affect me again and im back to where i started.

 

Hey, marigo. :)

 

I definitely know that "fighting myself" feeling well. Ouch.

 

With the attention off of him, and back to you, you can heal and find your 'new normal'. I think it's very important to be kind and gentle to yourself right now. That would be my interpretation of loving/focusing on you. So many, including myself, really did feel lost for a time. I think it's natural, sometimes.

 

Just know that it is a feeling, not fact. You never really lose yourself. Hugs.

 

You said you felt lost for a time too. How did you find yourself again? Or how did you get yourself to heal??

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I completely agree with you. I thought knowing would give me closure or something. But now im begining to realize that if i really didnt know what has been happening now, i probbly wouldnt have been stuck in this phase.

 

 

If you make the choice now, in a few months time, you'll actually be out of the phase you're in currently. You have a problem, you can see a solution, but you're ignoring the tools you have to bring about a solution.

 

Don't be scared to heal, there is no greater thing you can do for yourself.

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