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Is this Love, Denial or Forgiveness?


LoveTruthChaos

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LoveTruthChaos

I have no idea what I'm feeling.

 

I'm not thinking of revenge anymore. I asked for it to be released from my mind and the Universe is providing.

 

But now, I don't know where I am. I think about how he hurt me and I cry, but I don't want him dead anymore. It almost feels like I want him to be happy, and then I get sad because I'll never see or speak to him again. I guess I'm letting go.

 

Or am I in denial that it's even happened? Because it was long distance and I never got to see him when he left me...

 

I loved who he was, but I was never in love with him.

 

So confused.

The revenge part is almost gone.

So why am I crying so much....again?

Thought I got past all that.

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Maybe you are just beginning to accept? For me it brought its own sadness.

 

I was away last weekend with friends and had such an amazing time. Finally started to feel alive again since my relationship broke down. I even met a nice girl while I was away. I came home happy and finally started to feel there was a light at the end of the tunnel. The feeling of pain at the hurt she had caused, the frustration, the fear and the emptiness were slowly dwindling.

 

Then on the Monday I was reading a book, and came across a paragraph that got to me in some way and I cried for the first time in weeks. Not in sheer grief, just sadness that I was finally leaving that chapter of my life behind.

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LoveTruthChaos

May I ask you how long your relationship lasted, how long it's been since it ended, and what the paragraph was about?

 

Would be nice if it was acceptance...but I think today has been a pivotal day in confusion. I guess in a couple more days, it'll be clearer.

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Of course.

 

I was with my ex for 4 years and it officialy ended almost 3 months ago. She cheated on me and lied to me repeatedly in the last few months of our relationship, it really turned my life upside down.

 

The thing I was reading was a true story about a foster parent's last day with kids she had looked after for years, before moving on to another family. The particular bit that got me was how she described doing the normal daily routine with the kids, but for the last time.

 

The thing is until the last few months I hadn't cried in years. Although I would have been moved by this it wouldn't have had this affect on me if I wasn't drawing parallels with my own life. I think even when going through the pain of the break up it still doesn't seem real until you realise you are actually moving on.

 

Maybe the fact you are no longer in love, but no longer hate or seek revenge has left you feeling confused at what you are meant to feel? I'm not sure but I think it's a positive step anyway.

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