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Bad Choices and Prophetic Dream


DenverBachelor

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DenverBachelor

I've made some very interesting choices in the 8+ months that I've broken up with my ex (or rather, was broken up from). I've gotten involved in some really shady things and I've made some really poor choices. I don't regret the past half year, because I've learned so much from those mistakes.

 

On Saturday night, I made the conscious choice to make a complete change in my lifestyle. To clean up my act and get away from the bad influences and questionable lifestyle choices. I won't go into specifics, but picture what any "rock star" would do and you'd have a pretty good vantage point of my life over the past six months.

 

It will take some time, effort and cunning to get away from some of the "underground" that I've gotten myself into, but I did have quite an amazing dream on Saturday night when I went to sleep.

 

In my dream, my ex came into the picture and basically took my hand and extended an olive branch. It was one of the most vivid dreams I've ever had, but it was quite profound in that everything I've done over the past several months has been a rebellion towards the "committed" lifestyle. It felt like a complete "release" of all the pain, anger, resentment, confusion and turmoil that I've had over the past six months or so.

 

I'm not entirely sure how or why this dream came at the exact time that I realized I needed to change my lifestyle, but it was most comforting. I'm not sure where dreams originate or how they come about, but needless to say there was so much symbolism and realism within the dream, that I'm somewhat convinced that a lot of the elements within the dream came from external influences.

 

What I've realized is that it's all right to fall down because it's only human. It's all right to make great mistakes, because we're constantly searching for meaning. What I was given from the experience is that, so long as you recognize the mistakes, you can start anew and become a much better person from the mistakes.

 

We align ourselves with certain people and put ourselves into certain situations in life because there is some external (perhaps spiritual) element that we need to experience.

 

Who I am today and the experiences I've put myself through over the past six months are far removed from the man I was a year or two ago -- but I don't regret the experiences. I've learned a lot about myself and humanity as a whole. I've learned that, on the high ends and low ends, you'll find people of integrity and of reproach no matter what area of the ladder you choose to step on.

 

What is most interesting to me, though, is how profound my dream was and how it was my ex that came into my dream that really shook my core. Again, it was just a dream, but every once in a while, one will have a dream so amazing and so profound, that when he or she wakes up, they can't help but think, "there is no way my mind came up with such a brilliant tale by itself."

 

There is a lot to be said for extending in one's heart total forgiveness towards another -- to set a path where many trails may branch out, but to be able to understand and see the ramifications of going down each one.

 

It's quite amazing to be able to see both forward and back, through and across and then say, "I screwed up, but I'm only human -- and I can forgive myself and her."

 

And life goes on ...

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DB – firstly I think your posts are such a great read, and one of them in particular has helped me realise certain things (or should I helped me at moments of being a complete wreck – Moving on – the final chapter)….

 

I've made some very interesting choices in the 8+ months that I've broken up with my ex (or rather, was broken up from). I've gotten involved in some really shady things and I've made some really poor choices. I don't regret the past half year, because I've learned so much from those mistakes.

 

I won't go into specifics, but picture what any "rock star" would do and you'd have a pretty good vantage point of my life over the past six months.

 

I have been doing this for the past 5 weeks so I know exactly where you are coming from… I have done a lot of questionable things that I had done in the past and when I met my now ex she is the one who made me realise that if I continued living that life I would be dead by 30…. So in a way I had her to thank for bringing about a profound change in me that I had been subconsciously trying to do for a long time but never had the right motivators….

 

but I did have quite an amazing dream on Saturday night when I went to sleep.

 

Incidentally I had a dream about her too – on Friday night – from what I recall of it, it was the 2 of us talking about where things went wrong – me telling her how much I loved her and her telling me that losing me was the hardest thing she has had to do… and yes it did feel very surreal….

 

 

On Saturday night, I made the conscious choice to make a complete change in my lifestyle. To clean up my act and get away from the bad influences and questionable lifestyle choices.

 

I know this feeling too – because I know that I need to stop doing the things I have in the last 5 weeks, yet for some reason after I lost her, I cant seem to find any motivation to better my life… I keep on thinking to myself what the point is – I am not suicidal or anything – but somehow I cant seem to accept the fact that I should learn from this experience, better myself and move on – I am stuck at this point where all I think I is that I will never be able to love again, that no one will ever make me feel the way she did (and this is the worst thing – simply because I realised that I depended too much on her to validate my life – even though before I met her I was perfectly happy with myself.)

 

 

What I've realized is that it's all right to fall down because it's only human. It's all right to make great mistakes, because we're constantly searching for meaning. What I was given from the experience is that, so long as you recognize the mistakes, you can start anew and become a much better person from the mistakes.

 

We align ourselves with certain people and put ourselves into certain situations in life because there is some external (perhaps spiritual) element that we need to experience.

 

Who I am today and the experiences I've put myself through over the past six months are far removed from the man I was a year or two ago -- but I don't regret the experiences. I've learned a lot about myself and humanity as a whole. I've learned that, on the high ends and low ends, you'll find people of integrity and of reproach no matter what area of the ladder you choose to step on.

 

Well spoken – however in my case I think I need to still do some soul searching and learn to accept these things – subconsciously I agree with this, yet in my conscious state I cant seem to get the ball rolling on this aspect….

 

There is a lot to be said for extending in one's heart total forgiveness towards another -- to set a path where many trails may branch out, but to be able to understand and see the ramifications of going down each one.

 

It's quite amazing to be able to see both forward and back, through and across and then say, "I screwed up, but I'm only human -- and I can forgive myself and her."

 

And life goes on ...

 

Again brilliantly worded – I have realised that to fully be able to love someone and forgive them we need to learn to love and forgive ourselves, when we can truly achieve this we are spiritually free from the constraints of human nature and we become one with our spiritual selves and can only then truly appreciate the love that we receive. I know we all say that we love our ex SO unconditionally yet here I am unable to let go of her – i am not saying this is a bad thing, but only when we are truly content with our own lives and unconditionally able to love ourselves for who we are, can we truly love another unconditionally. And I truly hope that over time I can achieve this state of mind, because deep down, I know that I love her for all her faults and good things, and I truly want to be able to let go of her and yet still have that love in my heart for her, for she was and always will be my first love….

 

Anyways that my 2 cents worth…

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