the old stuff handover

[jond77]

I see her on Sunday. She is popping over to hand my stuff back. She seems in a really great place and I know she will have been out the night before, cause she has been going out every night.

 

So I don't know how to play it, I don't know what to say I have lots of bitterness over the way she ended it.

 

Any advice??

[northstar1]

when did things end?

 

Unless she has some things of real value she cannot put in the post, I would think twice about meeting up. It rarely goes well, esp. if you are still focussed on her, or angry. You will likely come back from it upset, especially if she is very happy with her life and nonchalant about seeing you. You'll have questions which likely she won't want to answer.

 

If it is just small things (books, dvds etc) I would either ask her to mail them/give them to a friend, or forget about them. It's not worth the anguish of seeing an ex who you are not over.

[jond77]

yeah its a lot of stuff. I am ok I don't want to bring up the bitterness and I don't want to ask her back. I just have to do it I guess.

 

I know what I want to say, but I wont. I think I will just ask how she is and then wish her well, saying that maybe we will be in touch at a later date..

[jond77]

But I am going to ask her to not keep going on about the opportunities she has now as it keeps making me feel like I was holding her back. Just something I think she owes me.

[jond77]

Oh and it ended just over 7 weeks ago.

 

A brief recap. There is an age difference, we had got into a bit of rut. Money pressures and my depression meant she thought we weren't having much fun anymore. I think really she fell out of love and wanted to be young and free. I said as much to her and asked her if she wanted to take a break. After a two days of tears she agreed. Then she called me back that night and said we had made a terrible mistake and she was a mess. So I went back, cause I missed her.

 

Then after a month of her not knowing what she wanted, she went up interstate for work, didn't contact me at all came back and dumped me under the guise of "there are so many opportunities now"

 

Oh and just before she went up there she told me that all she knows is that I was the person she wanted to see at the end of each day.

 

It was emotionally traumatic. But she knows I am a mess cause, I told her, I can't lie anymore about who I am. I don't want to.

[northstar1]

Well, depending on how young she is, her priorities at that stage in her life change constantly and she possibly didn't want a serious relationship.

 

But sorry to hear it ended, it's always rough.

 

I would really think twice about seeing her. 7 weeks is not long, and you are bound to have a tough go seeing her. Can't a friend pick up your stuff?

I know you also want to likely see her again in person, but having done that after a breakup, I can tell you it's very hard to get through, particularly if they treat you like a friend, not a lover.

[jond77]

Yes. I agree priorities change. Thing is I don't want to settle down, she knows that. I want to be going out and having more fun too. And early in the relationship she stopped us doing that because of her anxiety. So I have missed out on a lot too. Just feels a bit unfair that is all.

[carhill]

She seems in a really great place and I know she will have been out the night before, cause she has been going out every night.

 

I want to be going out and having more fun too. And early in the relationship she stopped us doing that because of her anxiety.

 

Interesting how that works.

 

Arrange to not be there and have a trusted friend on-site when she 'pops over'. Whatever has been decided she will take will be boxed up and that's all she'll get.

 

Next

 

Would you like to tag along when I meet stbx at court in a couple hours? Now that's a real 'old stuff handover'.

[sultry33]

Good luck Carhill:)

 

Op, im meant to be doing the same handover business but I dont think it be a good idea face-face.. He has *forgotten* I have his keys.. so am hoping to leave his bits an his keys and get my stuff as quickly and painfree as possible.

 

Seeing him is not going to help either of us.. just open up door for communication and I dont want that right now.

He is being an ass alrealdy and im sure infact I know he is calling me all the names.

 

My advice *as above* good luck in whatever you decide:)

[jond77]

I decided that her parents can drop the stuff off. I wouldn't cope, you guys are right.

 

So angry and sad, with myself, with her version of things. It is just an awful place to be in.