letting go of regrets and fears

[carousel]

Hey everyone, first time poster here.

 

I am about 2 months into my life as a single guy again. Upon the breakup, I immediately dove right into "no contact", and I broke it only once in the form of a short email. I have avoided her on Facebook, have refused to send her any IMs and have made no attempt to call her. It was hard at first and I did crack after a month or so, but since then, I've been feeling better about it. Now its been over a month since I attempted contact. So I suppose thats a positive step!

 

My problem has been regret. I deeply regret some things I said to my ex-girlfriend that may have had something to do with our relationship falling apart, a little over a month before she told me something was wrong. I keep thinking that if I had never said them, maybe we would have worked out. They weren't mean or abusive things, though I think they definitely came off as needy and insecure.

 

My other problem is fear that maybe I blew my chances with a girl I had formed a strong bond with. It was my first girlfriend, and I was 22. Thats a lot older than most people.. I was all ready out of college! I wonder sometimes how long it will take before I meet someone else, or I ever will.

 

I would really appreciate advice on letting go of my regrets. Is this a common problem? Although I feel proud that I am succeeding in navigating "no contact", I don't yet view the breakup as "the best thing that happened to me". And I keep blaming myself for it because of the things I keep beating myself up for. Is this just going to take more time?

Edited June 26, 2010 by carousel

[Username37]

Hey man.

 

I've been single for about that same amount. Broke NC a few times. Now back on it and I feel better. But not 100 percent.

 

I regret so many things that I said and did. I beat myself up thinking about that stuff. Makes me wish Time Machines were real ya know? haha

 

I also have fear. I fear that my ex will be in a better relationship and look at ours as a waste of time or something like that. I also fear not finding someone else.

 

Just take your mind off it somehow. Your break up wasn't all your fault. I've been listening to music and just doing things that I did before I dated her. I also surrounded myself with friends and of course, LoveShack to help me vent and even help people with their problems. Helping others is a great way to get your mind off things

 

Good Luck dude. We're gonna be just fine

[nihilanth100]

I was 21 with my first real relationship. I feel the same way, like im behind or something, or since it took so long to find that first girl, how long will it take to find another?

 

Well, dont worry about it. We are young (im 22 as well) and there are many fish in the sea as its said. You now have the experience of having that first girlfriend/love. Now you can use it and grow from it and make your next relationship even better.