Its been 5 months...

[slickmik]

Its been 5 months since I broke with my girlfriend of 5 years. I've been up and down, then up and down again. I definitely feel much stronger than before and I have been doing so much more for myself. I am definitely happier that I can do more for myself.

 

She felt we weren't independent enough and needed to focus more on our own lives. One of the main reasons she wasn't happy in the end. She was definitely right in that argument...but I still can't help but feel that I will never be the same without her.

 

I am 23 now, we started dating at our High School during senior year. We made it all throughout college together. Things started to crumble about 4 months after she moved away to Medical School. Right now Im just working, was living alone for a while...but after the break decided I wasn't happy living alone anymore and moved into a new place with 2 of my friends.

 

Now I know exactly what I should do...what I shouldn't do, I've been doing my best to cope with situation to the best of my ability. But I can't stop thinking about her. Lately we have kept fairly consistent in contacting each other. We both agreed to tell each other if we start dating someone new, but at the current time she says she isn't interested in being in a relationship. Im hoping for the same reasons we broke up...because one of my worst fears is that she will find someone new and then I will feel more like it was me and not the situation that drove her away. Its almost why I feel like we have to getback together once she feels her life is more fulfilling, before trying anyone new, because we never really had a chance to work things out when times got rough. She was always at school and never had the time to deal with our deteriorating relationship.

 

I know many people say you can't keep the friends situation going...but this is my girl. This is the person I was with for 5 years...a person who asked me about possibly getting married...which I seriously considered at one point. I can't imagine myself not staying in touch with her...I can't even imagine not being with her in the end.

 

But I will not let it hinder progress in my own life. I get out more often when I have the chance and I have also been working out a lot. I think Im in the best shape of my life. I've met some people as well and if given the chance I would definitely be enthusiastic about dating someone new. But that chance has not come yet...and I can't stop thinking of her.

 

...

 

Guess who just called !?!

 

So anyways, I apologize for the random and haphazard fashion in which I structured this post. I pretty much just jotted down the thoughts as they came to mind. Also, Im not really posting this with the goal of seeking advice...but moreso to hear from anyone else who has been in a similar situation. Although, I don't intend to discourage any advice from the great people in this online community.

 

I know I can't sit there and wait for her, assuming she would come back to me...but if she explicitly told me that's what I had to do...I would.