tinydancer Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 [color=red][/color]Okay, so I guess it's really over. For a while now my boyfriend and I have been going back and forth with the idea of breaking if off. To preface this... we've been together for over 2 years and have lived together for about 8 months. Things we're great in the beginning... he was caring, considerate, loving, etc. etc. etc... We had sex! We talked! We were really a couple! In the past few months we found our differences. And they were all such little things that we could have really worked passed them. If we tried. And I feel like I really did try! But I knew that it was beyond hope from one little statement, "I just don't feel like trying anymore... I don't think that you should have to try this hard at a relationship." (That was his statement, by the way). But should'nt you always be trying to improve the relationship? That's what I always thought. I love this man very much. I was planning on spending the rest of my life with him. I dreamed every day of him putting that ring on my finger and asking me to spend the rest of my life with him. But apparently, I guess it's too late for that. But I am still having a very hard time dealing with this situation. How can I handle losing what I thought was the love of my life? How can I possibly go on without the love of my life? I just feel so lost! Link to post Share on other sites
Haoxin Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 How suggested the break up ? Its sad and hurtful . Meanwhile don't think bout anything go have some fun with roller coaster than will make you go crazy . Not thinking those stuff doesn't mean your coward and your hiding . You face the reality when your ready when your more tough . When you finally realise and understand . .. the hurt feeling will eventually be gone . Keep yourself busy !! Link to post Share on other sites
michiganmale27 Posted July 19, 2003 Share Posted July 19, 2003 Take one day at a time. Everyone is healing wounds. I planned to propose to the girl I love, on her b-day which was actually next week. She broke up in April, such is life. Do stuff that you love doing, be around people that make you laugh. I never thought I would be happy again, after our breakup I went to see my 15 year old Nephews and they both made me laugh til no tomorrow. Maybe also if you can find a guy to hang around with, maybe the ex bf you love will see you two having a good time and regret his decision. GOOD LUCK KIDDO! Link to post Share on other sites
Just A Girl2 Posted July 19, 2003 Share Posted July 19, 2003 "I just don't feel like trying anymore... I don't think that you should have to try this hard at a relationship." I think there's a fine line between a couple needing to work at keeping the relationship healthy and satisfying and good....and a relationship that's become very draining and there are just too many fundamental differences between the 2 parties and that's just the way it is. So you lived together, and realized your differences. Yes, some differences can be overlooked or dealt with, but there are some that will always be there and over time can foster resentment and discontent. Sometimes guys are a lot more clearheaded, I've found, when it comes to deciding if a relationship is salvagable. I think as women, we're just wired to want to keep trying, being so optimistic that things can be saved and figured out and dealt with.....whereas, I think guys are a lot more realistic/logical in some ways....... Also, just because one person wants to make things work, that means nothing if the other person doesn't feel the same way. And we you or I may see as something that can be worked out, that doesn't mean our partner will see it that way. A lot of it is about perceptions. Link to post Share on other sites
PurpleAngel Posted July 20, 2003 Share Posted July 20, 2003 I think there's a fine line between a couple needing to work at keeping the relationship healthy and satisfying and good....and a relationship that's become very draining and there are just too many fundamental differences between the 2 parties and that's just the way it is. That is so true Jag2, there is a fine line and at times couples don’t understand the difference. Through love (normally the woman) they believe that they can fix and change anything, but unfortunately that is not the case. Doesn’t work that way “LOVE JUST ISN’T ENOUGH” I love this man very much. I was planning on spending the rest of my life with him. I dreamed every day of him putting that ring on my finger and asking me to spend the rest of my life with him. Yes I understand what you are saying, what you feel is so strong that you feel like you have no future without him, correct?!?!?! Well this is a feeling you are going to have to take responsibility of. Through your love and what you ‘believed’ would be, you have created a future based on you living the rest of your life with him, your goals, your future planes of you achieving personal things, where all possible in your mind because he was going to be by your side… and this is not good. It’s like putting all your eggs in one basket. What happens when it’s gone? What do you do? You feel as though none of it is now possible, but let me tell you IT IS, life DOES and WILL go on. How can I handle losing what I thought was the love of my life? How can I possibly go on without the love of my life? I just feel so lost! Well this is the fun part baby, no I am not crazy but how exciting is it when you get to the point when you want to take your power back!!!! YEAH BABY.. Ok so, the pain is strong, the sleepless nights, the sickening butterflies at the thought of him leaving… etc.. I wouldn’t not want them anymore and it sounds like you don’t either. There are certain fundamental things you have to work though. NOW…It is important that you 1. Be around positive people who encourage you to move on, don’t spend every moment talking about him and trying to make sense of it. All you should be thinking about is that YOU are number one. You are the one that needs to heal and MOVE ON. Don’t worry about how he is what he’s doing, he is fine! You think about YOU at the moment. 2. Start to think that you are ALL you need now and forever to achieve anything. Yes naturally its always nice to have someone there that will support you and love you through it but the most important thing is that YOU can play that role to yourself. That you can Love and Support yourself through anything. Start to LOVE and believe in yourself. 3. Create happiness on your own terms… for yourself.. by yourself! You cannot rely on another for your happiness. Sharing is ok, but you can’t let them be the source of all your happiness. 4. Let him go, forgive him. Yes it is important you go through all the emotions of healing, i.e.: its important you are angry, you are sad, you grieve BUT there comes a time you must say, I forgive you and forgive myself and I must now move on, does this makes sense? 5. Start getting into ‘your own’ again. What do you love to do, what where your passions, loves, hobbies, do them again, get some new ones, start shaping your life into what YOU want it to be. Don’t need a man to do that! Do things that make you happy. 6. Do girly things, hair, nails, have beautiful aromatherapy paths… etc.. Enjoy every second, MAKE every second enjoyable. 7. Don’t stay at home all the time, go out with your friends, even when you don’t feel like it, make the effort. Make a point of meeting NEW people, talk to different guys and girls, and get back into the world as you! 8. Recondition, recreate and learn who to accept and LOVE who you are. Be excited about this new time in your lie, do not be scared.. Things will work out! YOU WILL find MR. Right. Have FAITH, believe! I could keep going and going, but that’s heaps for now, let me know if you want more suggestions or whatever, we, I am always here! It is normally you are going through these feelings, work through them but DON’T get bogged in them. Learn from this experience ok. One more thing I would like to say, what really helped me is that, it’s ok to love someone and not be with them. We can love people, but it doesn’t mean we can OR have to be with the. Does this make sense? You can love him, that’s ok, but you still need to more on and find it in your heart to love yourself more. Be strong. Work on you! Love life and don’t hate him, you can be angry, in fact its important you work through that too, but forgive him, let go, acknowledge the lessons, learn form them and welcome this new journey with open arms. If you can get a hold of it read this book... GET ON WITH IT by Sue Ostler, great read! It will help you get the POWER back into your life! TRY to get it, you wont regret reading it! Well worth it. Good Luck Love and Light to you ~PurpleAngel~ Link to post Share on other sites
Author tinydancer Posted July 25, 2003 Author Share Posted July 25, 2003 Well, it's been about a week and a half and I am doing much better now. All the help and advice has helped very much. And the support from friends and family has really what's been getting me through. As weird as it may sound... his mom sent me a card today. I thought I was going to cry when I saw it in the mail, but wonderfully enough... I didn't. When he moved the rest of his stuff out the other day, and brought along his dad to help him... I almost lost it when, at the end, his dad comes up to me and tells me how wonderful it has been to know me and how sorry he is and how much he would miss me. Ahhhh.... why couldn't he just be that caring and considerate?!? Well... it's probably all for the best though. It's just so hard when his parents are so involved. Well... again, thank you all for the help and advice! I am doing much better now. Link to post Share on other sites
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