Social Anxiety Ruining My Life

[isdn00789]

My story:

I'm a 21 year old college student. I've spent the last 4 years in college getting a degree I didn't want. Why? Because I couldn't manage to admit to anyone that I'd made the wrong choice. I've known for 7 semesters that this was not the right choice for me, but I had these irrational fears about telling people I'd changed my mind. Fortunately I've done very well academically and I've received enough money to pay for all my school as well as to help keep my pockets line (overall, probably at least $30,000 extra). In other words, I haven't gone into debt getting a degree I didn't want.

 

I've chosen a new path which I'm fairly confident in, but a lot of my friends still believe I'm going to stick with my original degree because I can't manage to tell them otherwise... I just let them believe.

 

For now I have a job utilizing the degree I all but have. I am paid very well, the environment is great, and there are good benefits. The problem isn't even that I don't even have a real interest in the job--it's temporary, after all. The problem is that I'm terrified I'm going to end up getting fired from this job because I'm too afraid to ask questions. Why? I don't know... there is no rational reason why I should be. I know that, and yet I still can't.

 

On a slightly different note:

I've been single for almost 3 years, but it isn't the time that bothers me. What bothers me is all the girls I've let pass right by just because I'm so completely incapable of talking to them. Of the girls I have dated, I only approached one of them, and I did that through an email. Two semesters ago, when I was 20, I, for the very first time in my life, actually spoke up to a girl I was interested in. Unfortunately, I had waited so long to talk to her that the semester was virtually over and since I only saw her occasionally between classes, nothing became of that. I ran into her while shopping for clothes about 10 months later. She seemed happy to see me, but like the coward I am I didn't say much in person and talked to her on Facebook instead. Nothing ever happened with that...

 

Nothing happened last semester.

 

This semester there are 3 girls I'm sort of interested in. One of them talks to me a little bit on occasion, and as a result I'm sort of comfortable with her, but as luck would have it she's the one I'm least interested in. Don't get me wrong, she's quite attractive, but from what I've gathered about her personality, she just isn't right for me.

 

One girl in particular has my attention big time. She's physically gorgeous to me, and I've yet to hear her say anything that puts me off. At the beginning of this semester I vowed to myself that I would talk to her. I actually did, but all I got out was one sentence, and that was a good 3 months ago now. Every Tuesday and Thursday I tell myself I'm going to talk to her, and every Tuesday and Thursday I fail. I think I would've today, but she went with the professor to her office to pick up some homework and I didn't think it would be appropriate for me to wait.

 

There are only 2 weeks left of school (only 4 classes), and I'm terrified I'm going to miss my opportunity to talk to this girl. Whatever I do, I have to do it quickly. I wish so badly that I could just send her a message on Facebook simply telling her I'd like to talk after class, but I just know that will ruin whatever chance I might have. I thought about handing her a physical note after class, but I was advised against doing that by some others on this forum.

 

My anxiety is horrible when it comes to girls I'm interested in, but what's worse is that it is nearly as bad in every situation. It is an ever increasing problem that I can't seem to beat. I can rationalize that none of my reasons for staying quite are legitimate, and yet I still can't break through. I just don't know how to get over this, and it is driving me absolutely insane.

 

If anyone has any advice, please share it. If anyone has any success stories of our own, please share. Aside from that, I'm just venting because I have no one in my life to talk to.

[GrayClouds]

Hello ISDN

 

You really should find yourself a professional to work with, they can help a great deal with your issues. You may have to try a few before you find one that connects well with you but once you do, you will find some real help.

 

Good luck.

[butterflysil]

i completely understand what u are going through. i am no professional at all but i was diagnosed with social anxiety at the age of 20. sounds alot like what u are going through. i have a degree in psychology and still currently in school. it is very difficult and i feel no one will understand. the best advice i can give you is in the big big world everyone is equal. also you must seek help. the only thing that keeps working for me is realizing that no one is better than me and i am no better than no one. this at least levels the playing field for a while. i am currently single so obviously i haven't got it right. but i also have spent most of my adult life in relationship it's more of a matter of choice now. you could also fake confidence it takes time to master.

[isdn00789]

Thanks to both of you for your support.

[ethenmorsn86]

Same happened with me when i was in college you should behave like a professional at work place. You should take help of a counselor.Try to develop confidence in yourself and do not think too much about anything just go and tell her.Whenever you feel anxious can take Zanaprin you do not need a prescription to take this and it may not have as many side effects.It will relieves anxiety,stress and increases sociability and mental focus.

 

___________________

Stress relief medication

[Meaplus3]

I hear ya about anxiety.. in any form it stinks. Now, the best way to get over your fear of social anxiety.. is to slowly take steps to put your self in social situations.. and learn to work through the fears. Just like a person.. who has a fear of flying.. they need to take that leap.. hop on a plane.. and learn to manage it. You.. will be ok. and you can manage this.

 

Mea:)