Why does she continue to contact me?

[RogueK]

She's told me twice now it's all over and that we both need to move on. She's even broken off all communication with me.

 

 

Yet she still claims she loves me and misses me.

 

I don't understand when she wants me out of her life why does she still call? I mean she finds stupid reasons to email me or even call. I'm hurting because i lost her and would love her back but she's with another guy already.

 

The most recent one was over a shirt that i must have left there from before i moved out.

 

I mean 2 phone calls and an email over a shirt? I decided i DO want the shirt back because it is one of my favorites. She said "yeah it's a good shirt, i've been wearing it a lot". WTF?

 

Then it's quiet on the phone cuz she's not exactly trying to get off but i don't know what to say to her. Nothing i say about "us" is going to make a difference and i try to talk to her about "things" but it is still hard.

 

I believe in her heart she does love me. I know she would NEVER try to hurt me, but she feels (or felt) that this is the right decision.

 

In an effort to either have her in my life or away i told her in my last email (a week and a half ago) to not contact me and if she does then i will take it as that she's still unsure about her decision.

 

I don't want to jump to conclusions but lets be honest..just an email saying "I have that shirt you are missing, if you want it just pick it up". And leave it at that. Instead i get phone calls and an email responding to things i said in a letter WEEKS AGO.

 

5 1/2 years...she breaks it off and jumps into a relationship with some guy a week after breaking it off. She's "broken up" with me 4 times now (the third after telling me she's not sure about being apart and wanting time to think about it) in the past month in a half since it began. I thought this last time was the last time we'd talk (i've had that thought a few times now) and yet she finds some reason to contact me. I mean a damn shirt? Keep it.

[Gray]

Seems like you've got the right attitude man. Sorry to hear she did that to ya, and I'm sure its not easy. But it sounds like you've got your head on straight. You know she's a little crazy. You can tell theres a pattern of break-up/get back together emerging. Just try to make it thru this bad time, and you're set.

 

Good luck.

[RogueK]

I suppose i'm still wondering if this behavior is due the the possibility she's still questioning her decision to leave. I don't do drugs, i dont drink much and i'd NEVER physically or verbally abuse her. The relationship was starting to fail due to me and my inability at the time to commit and be there for her the way she's wanted.

 

Now after all of this i've emerged a new man and actually feel i needed this "wake up call in the form of a broken heart" to get the wheels in my head turning and to find out what it is i'm doing and where i'm going.

 

I'd love to have her back with the relationship her and i should have been having. My head is clear now and i can see my future with and without her. She was my best friend for so long i don't want to lose her. The fact is though i cannot be a part of her life while she's with someone else. The pain is too severe.

 

I don't want to change her mind on anything. The fact is i want her back but i want her to realize she wants to be back with me.

 

Are these signs of her thinking that way? She's had EVERY oppurtunity to cut the ties with me and not look back.

 

Just keep in mind i'm continuing to move on and i'm not getting my hopes up. I've been acting more on rational thought than emotional. I just wish i knew what was in her mind.

[clia]

I don't understand when she wants me out of her life why does she still call?

 

I'll tell you why...the two of you were together for a long time and likely spent a lot of time together. Suddenly you are gone and there is a void in her life where you were. (The same void you felt when things ended.) She may know in her heart of hearts that she doesn't want to get back together with you, but that void is still there. She's likely just trying to deal with it. I'm sure she misses you--how could she not after that amount of time? But don't take it for more than it is. She's simply going through the same kind of "missing you" stuff that you are, but that does not mean she has any intention of getting back together with you.

[yes]

I've done somethign similar to my ex - precisely for the reasons Clia described.

 

so just stop the contact - ignore it.

-yes

[haoxin]

Hey RogueK , i am having the same problem as you . By any chance i would love to make up with her . I love her i know i do .. i hope to forget her soon . I am trying so hard .. i succeed but one phone call from her and my heart start to pump again . And now i have to start all over again and again.

Don't make up with her ! You need to be tough and strong rejecting her ! If you ever make up with her again you would get yourself hurt again ! .. girls is weird they love to break guys heart ! I did went through many break up with my GF .. over this guy she always hang out and talk with . What does that mean ? and she kept on telling me they are just friends . Yeah maybe i do trust her , the question is why does she wanna be with him ? ..

Its so weird its so painful to be with or without her.

I guess time will heal me . I hope so ! How to make myself strong the next time she call i reject her ? .. I can't do it . I can't be mean . but i know i have to .. i hurt my self 7 times ! Over and over again !

 

RogueK , be strong ! Go take your shirt when she treat you nice .. tell her your tired and sick of the pain feeling . You can't trust her anymore . ( she will break your heart again and again ! ) Reject her strongly ! She finds again just to forget you . You can do the same .

[haoxin]

Yeah you miss all the good time you have with her . You wish everything was fine like last time . But i wish not to know mine ..

I guess ur suffering from missing and a gal that love you . You know she like and love you and you feel the same for her . But due to some reason you both have to break up . So let it be .. if you both get together again the problem will occur ! Don't ruin your life . Love can be beautiful and ugly at times . Try to get over it .. be strong ! Think of her bad side ! If you can't make yourself busy .. don't think of her keep all her things in somewhere you can't see . I think the best thing to do is fishing . A quiet and nice place fishing clearing your mind . I wish i can do that but i am too young to go out bymyself During this process don't pick any calls from her don't read any mails from her ! It might change your feeling and situation if you do so !

[michiganmale27]

Hi RogueK,

 

I know whatca mean. My ex contacted me after 2 and a half months of no contact via email. Similar situation, asking about a "girl I was with" at a concert.

 

I played along, but listen bottom line dude. I know it's hard, trust me it is killing me inside as well. YOu have to be tough with this, just be blunt in your response. No I love you's, no I miss you's...just state the facts end the email with just your name.

 

You also need to say, unless you have plans of reconciling I think it is best that we do not contact. I seen that you did that, that is a good step forward.

 

I have felt weak, to email her as well...But I know that if she is to come back, I HIGHLY DOUBT IT, she is going to have to be the one to come back to me not for me to keep begging and begging.

 

HANG IN THERE ROGUEK, know that we are all in the same boat and here for each other!

[RogueK]

Yeah it's tough. I think, what it is now, is that i think WAY too much about her and things. I want so badly for her to call (so i can not answer it of course), but i feel if she does and regardless if i talk to her not i'll just try and analyze why she was calling.

 

I just either want her back or to have my confidence, independence and sanity back.

[wiseluv34]

Roguek, you OBVIOUSLY needs to communicate with this girl!!! the only way for you to set yourself free from her, is to talk to her and ASK her if she's still in-love with you!

you said that you're the reason that your relationship ended, didn't you? you said that (like most men do), you were'nt ready for a relationship when your ex was ready.

well, she just had to do what was right for her...which was leaving! why do men expect for a woman to stay with him, after he's let it be known that he doesn't want a real relationship? we have to leave, so we can gain our strength and mind back from you. see, men don't recognize a "good thing", until it's GONE. and when a man tell us, that he isn't "ready" for us, then we must leave..., because if we stay...we'll only be hurting ourselves. one man on this forum, said women like to hurt men..bull_hit! it's vice-versa, we're only protecting our hearts from men who abuse our feelings, just for their FREEDOM!

i'm in a similiar situation, i just left a man who felt that he wasn't "ready" for me, he said he wasn't ready for a relationship. i'm a good lady with potential (and looks!). so, i wasn't going to stay with this guy...while he debates on whether he should be in a relationship with me..or not. i would've been fooling my own self, and that just AIN'T HAPPENING. so i just left, and i know that in a little while, he'll regret letting me go, but it might just be too late.

ANYWAYS, BACK TO YOUR ISSUE:)

it sounds like you found out too late, that you had a good thing going..but now she's gone. (ever heard that slogan?).

BUT, with what you wrote a/b your ex still contacting you and all...it sounds like you might still be in this ladies heart. because if she'd moved on and forgotten a/b you...then she wouldn't be still desiring to hear your voice.

so, we all make mistakes...the timing for a commitment was bad when you were with your ex, right? so, now you've had time to reflect on how good this woman is for you, and how much you love her...but now she's gone with a new man. well, it might not be too late for you 2.

ROGUEK, IF YOU REALLY WANT ANOTHER CHANCE WITH YOUR EX, LISTEN TO YOUR HEART..INSTEAD OF THESE OTHER MEN ON THIS FORUM..WHO'VE PROBABLY ALSO MESSED UP WITH A GOOD WOMAN BECAUSE HE WASN'T READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP).

ROGUEK, you need to ask this lady over, or out to dinner...and you need to talk to her and express how your feeling. find out if she desires another chance with you, tell her how your feeling, and how you've changed and grown up.

and if she doesn't want another chance with you, then at least you'll know for sure, and then you can move on from her, and have her to stop contacting you, at least until you've gotten over her..SO, GO FOR IT! BEFORE SHE MARRIES SOMEONE ELSE, AND THEN IT SURELY WILL BE TOO LATE FOR ANOTHER TRY.

keep me posted on what you decide to do!

p.s. follow & listen to your heart******